TikTok has seen a recent surge in the idea that women know where the good guys are but choose those who break their hearts. While some argue that these women bring it upon themselves, psychological evidence refutes this idea as a product of compensatory masculinity.
The viral video suggests that women choose not to be with a nice guy, despite claiming to search for one, and instead opt for a man who will treat them like “trash” and leave them heartbroken
"Girls always wonder where the nice guys are at,” the OP says in the video.
“Well, honestly, they're right in front of you, and you know it, but instead, you choose to blame society when you get heartbroken by somebody you knew was going to treat you like trash."
The video posted by @dailydose_ofvibes suggests that women who act in this way deserve the consequences that follow.
Despite its wide acceptance online, TikToker @professorneil has spoken out against this idea and backed up his argument with psychological evidence
Neil suggests that if a man believes a woman deserves heartache for not choosing him because he’s a “nice guy,” then that man was never a true nice guy to begin with.
Examining grip strength
He cites a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology in 2015, which examined the grip strength of a group of men.
Average or below average
Regardless of their actual performance, the men were given one of two results: either they were average or significantly below average.
After the grip strength test, they were asked about their height
After testing the grip strength of the men, the researchers also asked them about their height.
The results turned out to be interesting
The findings, as it turns out, were intriguing: the group who performed significantly below average was much more likely to exaggerate their height, and they were also found to be more aggressive.
According to Neil, this behavior is known as compensatory masculinity, a phenomenon where men feel their masculinity has been threatened and respond by doubling down on toxic behavior
He believes that this phenomenon is exactly what happened in the video with this trend.
Drawing on compensatory masculinity, Neil argues, “If your response to being rejected is to suggest that women deserve to be treated badly, you were never the nice guy.”
The online community showed a lot of support for Neil's argument, leading to his video going viral on TikTok
The comment section revealed that the "nice guy" stereotype doesn't have the best reputation, with one commenter even writing that if a man claims to be a "nice guy," it's equivalent to “ I don’t have any redeeming qualities I can name but I bet theres men worse than me.”
Women not looking where to find nice guys
On a side note, someone else pointed out that women don’t even ask, “where the nice guys are at.”
Men who claimed they are nice guys turned out to be the opposite
Others chimed in with their own personal experiences with men who claimed to be “nice guys.” One commenter recounted, “I've been treated like trash by a lot of guys who were perceived as ‘nice guys’ until it came time to prove they were nice”
"Self-proclaimed nice guy"
Another shared, “The road from self-proclaimed nice guy to flurry of insults or violence cause you rejected him is very short.”
A commenter shared his bad experience with his ex who claimed to be a nice guy
A third wrote, “My ex was a self-proclaimed ‘nice guy’ and when we broke up I was genuinely scared he would unalive me.”
Nice people don't need to proclaim it
A fourth remarked, “Every truly nice guy I've known has never once called themselves a nice guy.”
Why it's better to have a predictable partner
An alternative viewpoint suggests it's better to be with a predictable partner than a “‘nice guy’ backstabbing you because he doesn't get what he thinks he's entitled to.”
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Sylvia Silverstone is a passionate writer who loves to share her knowledge and expertise on a wide range of topics, including beauty, life hacks, entertainment, health, news, and money. With a keen eye for detail and a talent for storytelling, Sylvia's engaging writing style keeps readers coming back for more.