"My boyfriend talks to me rudely at times. I don't know why he does that. What should I do?"
It's always difficult when your significant other is being mean to you. Aside from suffering from the hurt, it's also challenging to try to figure out what you did wrong.
And though it might seem mysterious at first, there are actually a few possible reasons why your boyfriend tends to talk rudely to you. Hey, just know that if you are experiencing this, you're not the only one.
Related: My Boyfriend Is Rude
How to deal with a boyfriend who talks to you rudely
So to help you deal with a boyfriend who talks to you rudely, I’ve listed down some possible causes and how you can best deal with each of them.
If he's insecure and he takes it out on you.
Some men feel insecure about themselves and as a defense mechanism, they try to act superior in the relationship. It's sad and messed up because no one should be superior in a relationship. Both of you should acknowledge each other's feelings and be willing to adjust.
What's worse is that most men don't even realize they're insecure. They also have no idea that they are taking out their weakness on their partners.
Here is how to deal with it:
Confront him about it in an environment where he feels safe. Of course, he then needs to recognize his weakness and change. If he finds it challenging, you can also suggest taking some therapy sessions.
If your boyfriend refuses, it may be a sign for you to step away from the relationship and protect your own psyche.
If he's too immature to be in a relationship.
Men have an extremely fragile ego and it takes maturity for a man to control it. So if you think your boyfriend talks rudely to you for hurting his ego, he may be too immature to be in a serious relationship.
Here is how to deal with it:
You can always let him know that his words are hurtful and that he tends to talk mean to you whenever his ego is stirred. But then again, if he's immature, no amount of good communication can change him! Maturity takes time, you can never force it, much less speed it up.
If you don't see any sign that he's growing into a more mature person, you may want to invest your time in something else rather than the relationship. Plus, waiting for him to mature—and suffering while you wait—shouldn't really be an option.
Related: How do I tell if he loves me
If you let him get away with it.
Have you ever felt disrespected by the way he speaks to you but chose to shrug it off? Then, chances are, he will do it again. Not only once but multiple times more.
It's important to know that when you don't set standards on how your boyfriend should talk to you, he'll only impose his own ideals.
Here is how to deal with it:
Tell him exactly how you feel! Don't let him get away with it when he hurts your feelings. Set proper standards and make sure to let him know everything he says or does that may violate those standards. He's your partner for many reasons, and frequently upsetting you isn't one of them.
Related: Love Bombing
If he’s not attracted to you or in love with you anymore.
If your first few months or years in the relationship have been nothing but pure bliss and then he suddenly starts acting mean, he may not be attracted to you anymore. This is a painful thing to discover, but sadly, it's one of the possibilities. One-sided love can lead to serious emotional damage, and no woman deserves to go through it.
Here is how to deal with it:
Let him know that you think he's slowly slipping away. A lot of men find it hard to communicate their feelings so they take it out in ways that offend women. It's good if he confesses that he's falling out of love. But if not, you should see his sincerity and commitment to change his behavior.
If he's going through a lot of pressure.
He may feel pressured about his studies, work, or family and he feels like your relationship is an additional burden he needs to deal with. Though it may sound unreasonable, it can still be the case.
Here is how to deal with it:
Give him some space. Talk to him about it and say that you are willing to take a break from the relationship if that's what will help him breathe. It's not worth your time to deal with another man's personal problems, so if you really want to keep the relationship, you might as well give him a break and see if he comes back.
If he feels entitled to be rude.
Sexism isn’t new. In fact, a lot of men still believe in the old norm that women are inferior. It may be the principle he has developed from childhood or something the people around him also believe. Regardless, your boyfriend can be rude if he feels like he has every right to be rude.
Here is how to deal with it:
Do you believe in the same thing? I understand that there may be specific cultures or religions that still impose this norm. But if you aren’t one of those people who believe that there is a superior gender, you might as well end the relationship because it will not serve you right.
Generally speaking, this kind of mentality is not widely accepted anymore. It will only prevail if women do not stand up against it. If you don’t share the same opinion as him in this matter, do yourself a favor and cut those ties.
If you also tend to be rude at times.
One of the possible reasons why your boyfriend talks rudely to you is because you have a fair share of rudeness as well. It may be his way of getting even for you hurting his feelings recently or in the distant past.
Here is how to deal with it:
Both of you need to recognize your mistakes and talk them out. It’s hard to know that you’re being rude to someone if they aren’t telling you so. Perhaps you both have a similar issue. Chances are you’ve hurt his feelings before and he didn’t tell you. So now, he’s getting back at you by also talking rudely.
Let him know that you’re sorry for the things you said and that you also need him to be sorry for hurting you back. If he refuses to do his part after you did yours, you may want to think twice about staying in the relationship.
If he’s experiencing hormonal fluctuations.
One of the most common symptoms of irregular testosterone levels in men is anger and irritability. These hormonal issues can come from a lot of causes. One of the most common is taking hormone-like substances that help increase strength for men who work out or do sports.
If that’s the case, you should both take it seriously because irritability and anger are some of the primary symptoms of male depression.
Here is how to deal with it:
See an expert. Never try to ignore the signs or even self-diagnose. Depression is a dangerous health issue and not recognizing it can aggravate the situation. Talk to your boyfriend about going to the doctor and considering therapy.
Wrapping it up
The best thing you can do is get to the root of the issue and deal with it accordingly. Some relationships are worth fighting for, and some are not. If you’ve tried dealing with any of these causes and still see no change, it’s time to stop giving your boyfriend the chance to continue hurting you. He’s just not worth it at this point.
Women deserve nothing but the best, as much as men do. And if you’re willing to be the best person for someone, you also need to choose the best one for you.
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