One of the qualities that most girls would look for in a guy is being family-oriented. Who wouldn’t want a husband or boyfriend who puts his family at the core of his priorities? In fact, you may already have imagined him being your perfect family guy in the future.
But this quality isn't always adorable all the time. Some men seem to be too close with their families to the point that it looks more like they’re being overly dependent on each other. Eventually, it becomes problematic because his being too close with his family negatively affects the way the two of you function in your relationship.
While there are obvious signs that he is being too close with his family, the more important thing to ponder on is if this not-so-adorable trait is generally damaging your relationship.
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Below are just some signs that your man is indeed being overly attached to his family to the point of damaging your relationship.
Your plans always get compromised because of his family
How often does he cancel date plans because his family needed him? If it only happened once or twice, and in totally understandable or emergency situations, then it’s best to trust that he’s just trying to fulfill his familial duties.
But if he had developed the habit of canceling your prior plans whenever his family would need him time and time again, then you might need to confront him where you and the relationship stand in his life.
You need to have the talk…
- If you’ve tried your best to be understanding of his last-minute cancellations, and if you always find yourself feeling like you’re just an option, and not a priority in his life.
- Even if he says he’s really sorry about it all the time, but still ends up doing it again, it may be time to ask him if he really values your relationship.
You can begin by telling him that you feel like your relationship is not important for him at all because it seems like he’s totally okay with just canceling initial plans whenever his family would need him.
Depending on how he responds, you’ll be able to figure out whether or not to fight for your relationship or to just give it up.
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He wants me to hang out with his family all the time
Of course, you wanted to meet his family and even hang out with them every now and then. Spending time with each other’s families is only part of dating, especially if you’re both planning to make things more serious in the relationship.
But if you feel like you’re being forced to spend time with them, you must tell him that you like his family, but you don’t want to hang out with them all the time.
You need to have the talk…
- If you’re just doing it out of guilt over not actually wanting to spend time with them.
- If he tries his best to convince you to spend time with his family even though he knows that you don’t want to or you have prior plans.
You should tell him (with all due respect) that you’re not okay with it, and he shouldn’t talk you into doing it again unless you really want to. If his aim is for you to get as much quality time with his family as possible, you surely won’t be getting it through forcing yourself to do something you’re not always too comfortable doing.
You rarely, if ever get to have our alone time
If he has introduced you to his family, it’s only expected that the two of you will occasionally spend time with them. This is important, especially if the two of you plan to take the relationship further. Equally important is getting to spend time when it's just the two of you alone together and get to know each other better, especially if you just started out in the relationship.
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However, if he is too attached to his family and if it always gets in the way of your alone time, it may be best to take a step back and confront your guy about it.
You need to have the talk…
- If he hasn’t noticed at all that spending time with his family jeopardizes the chances of the two of you have your alone time.
- If he thinks that you’re being too clingy when you tell him that you wish you could be alone sometimes when you hang out with his family.
- If he treats ‘not having your alone time’ as something to not be too bothered about.
Being introduced and hanging out with his family every now and then is totally normal in a relationship.
However, if your alone time always gets compromised because he is just too close with his family, the two of you may need to talk about it to clearly set your expectations and limitations from each other, especially when his family is involved.
One of the keys to a long-lasting relationship is to address relationship disagreements, especially about each other’s family early on in the relationship.
They always have a say in what goes on in your relationship
Listening to the advice of your family members about important life decisions is understandable since your family is your main support system in life. But if your guy always asks his family’s opinion about everything, especially those that concern your relationship, then the two of you may need to urgently address this concern.
You need to have the talk…
- If he always asks his family first about relationship decisions before asking you.
- If he chooses to side with his family’s opinion about your relationship over yours.
- If he bases relationship plans on what his family’s opinion is rather than choosing to arrive at a decision together through open communication.
If you’re planning to really get serious with this guy and ending the relationship is not an option, then you must have the strength and patience to find your way through this situation.
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Unless your guy grows a spine to make his own decision without always consulting his family about it first, then the two of you can never get past this problem. More importantly, the only people that should have a say about your relationship are just you and him.
You always feel out of place when you’re with his family
Have you tried every way just to get along with his family, but you always end up feeling like you’re just out of place? Do you feel isolated whenever the two of you are with his family? If you consistently feel like he’s just too focused on his family and just forgets that you’re even then, then he’s definitely being too close to his family to the point that it alienates you.
You need to have the talk…
- If he’s not at all aware that you totally feel excluded whenever you’re with his family and your efforts at trying to bond with them make no difference at all.
- If he’s aware that you feel excluded but doesn’t think of it as a big deal.
- If you notice that he or a family member is trying to subtly isolate you on purpose through their words or actions.
You shouldn’t be feeling like you don’t belong, especially after you’ve done your part in making sure that you get along with his family well.
Takeaway
Before making a move, you have to truly assess the situation first. Maybe you’re not that much of a family-oriented person, and seeing him being too close with his family is shocking for you.
This situation can be too complicated to address, more so because there is an outside factor that could surely affect the success of your relationship.
However, it isn’t something that can’t be solved through a persistent, honest and open discussion about it. Just make sure that both of you are aware of the reason why you’re having the talk; it isn’t to prove who’s right or wrong, but rather, what would best be done for the sake of the relationship.
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