Many guys are giving up on women because they are feeling crushed by social norms and expectations. They might feel like they need to impress women or compete for their attention, and many men do not want to do this anymore.
Who are the guys who give up on dating? You know the type of guys I'm talking about. There's probably one in your friend group, your family, or hey, maybe it’s you!
This is the guy who is always saying "I just don't have time for a relationship." Or maybe he says something like "It takes too much effort to date these days."
You might not think it would be hard to find someone willing to put in some work, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
The Real reasons why single guys give up on dating
There are plenty of other reasons why dating is tough on guys today.
CHIVALRY DOESN’T MEAN PAYING THE BILL
One, they are all still expected to make all the plans and pay for everything when they go out with a girl. This could be hard for a working guy who saves for his dreams. It's one of those antiquated conventions that should be scrapped but isn't.
Two, it takes longer than ever before for guys to get anywhere because most women want to get their attention by sending them hints that are impossible to interpret.
So yes, it is difficult to find love in the modern dating world. That's why it takes a certain type of man to be able to work through the challenges and frustrations that come with finding that special someone who gets you.
And yes, it does seem like a hopeless quest, but there are still many men out there who believe in romance and want to find their perfect match. Or at least, believed, until their dream girls chose the wrong guys.
ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY
The guys who give up on women would have been the same guys who had been burned before. They had probably done the dating dance at least once, with less optimal results. The frustration alone would have hardly encouraged them to do the complicated little dance again.
And here’s the kicker- most of the guys who give up on dating are nice guys. They're almost always kind, sweet, and dependable, which, translated into women's language, means boring. Some women like men who are mysterious, complicated, hot, and a bit bad. And unfortunately, nice guys are very much drawn to these kinds of women. They are begging the world to stomp on their hearts.
TOO NICE TO BE BAD
Nice guys who compete with these kinds of men for the attention of hot women almost always lose. They are considered a catch in their own rights, but they would never hold a candle to a bad boy. Or at least, some women like to think so.
This kind of mindset is why the nice guys end up waving the white flag on proper dating. They become the guys we inevitably talk about in articles like this. Or hey, they’re probably reading this right now. It wasn't their fault. And the ladies who broke their hearts would quote Selena Gomez and say "The heart wants what it wants".
MEAN GIRLS
The other side of this conversation involves the ladies and forces them to take a bit of responsibility for their behavior. A lot of women, especially if they're hot, treat men, anyone, really, like they're doing them a favor by paying them a little bit of attention. It's like an act of pity, to them, when they stoop down to talk or strike up a conversation. Which anyone with the least bit of self-respect wouldn't take too kindly.
Guys who give up on women are just regular guys, and as such, are entitled to their feelings. And it is unfair to blame it all on them. The truth is, there are a lot of reasons why they decided to leave the dating scene altogether. True, some of them just couldn't give two fudges about dating. But most of them ended up outside the barrel because they were pushed out, and not because they voluntarily rolled off.
WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU GUN SHY
Let's talk about the guys who did not only get rejected but who got their hearts broken. These guys could have been the best boyfriend or husband to their partners, but hey, they still got their hearts stomped on and flat out crushed. Yes, it takes two to dance, to fight, and to destroy an entire relationship. Sometimes, though, one is enough to do a lot of damage.
These poor, hurt men would never willingly enter into another relationship, much less date, for at least a couple of years. It would take a lot of convincing, a lot of pushing, and buckets of motherly tears to get them to go on another date. Maybe even a minor miracle.
INVISIBLE GUYS
What about the men who just don't have enough confidence to ask their dream partners out? They would be the ones who got ignored enough to stop wanting to see the same vacant eyes and facial expressions appearing in their dream girls' faces. They are the ones people hardly ever remember after high school.
Does that mean they don't deserve to have their own happy ever after? It's not their fault they got ignored. Oftentimes, society is harsh on people who don't fit in. And in every environment, there is always a hierarchy, and groups. This is not helpful to their situation.
TRAUMA FOR DAYS
We also have men who have been mistreated by their partners before. This would make them stay as far away from the dating scene as possible. If leaving the planet was a possibility, these guys would be the first out of Earth. Abuse is never okay, yet it always exists. Especially since most laws protect women, and vilify men.
And their hardship goes unnoticed by a society that is extremely sympathetic to abused women, yet, uncaring to abused men. They'd just brush them off and encourage them bracingly to, 'Man up!'. This is the farthest from helpful. And yet, it still happens.
So don't judge a guy for not wanting to dip his toe into the dating pool. He could have a lot of reasons, and some of those could be traumatic. If only the world is kinder to sensitive men.
DATING IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
Dating can be a real struggle. It's exhausting to try and find someone that meets all of your criteria amid so many other options around you. But if there is one thing we need to do more than anything else, it is to keep trying!
If you believe that you will become happier and fulfilled with a partner in crime, and in life, go for it. Don't let your failure keep you from trying again. Life is not that long. We should grab happiness by the throat for as long as we can.
However, if you believe, with all your heart, that you will be happier alone, I don't think anyone in the world has a right to judge your decision. Make your life work for you, and no one else.
The reasons why guys give up on dating are often varied and personal. It can be hard to find the right person, and when you do they may not feel like it’s a good time for them as well. However, there is no better feeling than being in love with someone who loves you back! And this is why we try, time and time again.
Don't sell yourself short, but also don't make the same mistake twice. You deserve happiness. Don't throw in the towel out of frustration and hurt.
It is not uncommon to feel discouraged when it comes to dating, but the truth is, there are a lot of really great people out there who would be perfect for you. The first step in finding one is realizing that no one will ever make you happy if you don't try.
So, take as many risks and chances with love as possible. Be yourself. Don't make your life harder by keeping up appearances. Instead, be the best version of yourself, all the time. And know that love and happiness will knock on your door once you're ready, and not before.
If you want to find love and happiness, it's important to be open-minded.
The best way to do this is by dating in a variety of situations. You don't need any special skills or tricks, just an open mind! Be ready for love anytime and anywhere.
FIRST, LOVE YOURSELF
Remember, the best way to be ready for love is by focusing on yourself and being the person you want to meet.
What does this mean? Focus on your happiness, do things that make you happy, spend time with people who are good for you, take care of your mental health (and physical), stop comparing yourself or worrying about what other people think.
Love will find its way into your life when it’s meant to happen. So go out there, live a full life and enjoy every moment!
And then, once you’re ready, your love will find its way to you.
So don’t close your doors.
Be ready.
The best days of your life are just up ahead!
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.
Wow, I stumbled into this looking for kitchen remodel ideas.
But yes, I gave up dating at 27. Despite being outgoing I always hated approaching even though I'm outgoing. I wound up being used as a walking ATM/ punching bag.
Told to "be a man a d stand up for myself, realized the ONLY way to do this was to give up on, sex, relationships and the idea that I'd be a father someday. Depressing as that sounds it's better than the friends I lost to suicide after years of abuse and a dating scene that seems designed to crush mens self esteem, rob us blind while demonizing us for showing interest.
No thanks, being celibate and lonely are bad, but the alternative is litteraly worse than death for many guys.
Hopefully In a few generations we can have some equity in the dating market, but I think without a war to kill off the surplus of "disposable" young men it's simply an oversupply that has devalued men to the point where many are opting out of life as well as dating.
My sentiments exactly— focus on your hobbies and what makes you happy. You can still have a fulfilling life
I'm like the fella Tom who posted. 40+ and pretty much gave up at 30. Did about 1 date every two years then just stopped at 35. Everytime I read one of these articles I never hear any mention of women willing to compromise on expectations. For example, I'm rich but homely. But it often felt like if you did not tick every box looks and personality wise, heck there was always someone else just an online date and free meal a click away. It would be nice to just see some women realizing that a guy satisfying maybe 75% of your "must haves" might be a pretty good deal... But every movie, tv show, etc pumps the fantasy that there is a perfect fit for everyone, which straight up isn't reality. I'm sad I had to give up, but the frustration was just getting unhealthy. I'll always have envy of couples and people who had better luck with this than I did. But life just straight up isn't fair and everyone knows that. I'm gradually coming to terms that having a life partner is just not my role to play on this life, and that is ok.
Just like alot of these guys that commented. I also have checked out. I'm 36 years old and haven't dated since I was 30. My ex wife keeping my son from me was the nail in the coffin. I grew up with out a dad and now my son is destined to do the same. Tbh if I was so scared to die. I would be dead already.
Women today have very much changed from the past unfortunately, when dating and finding love back then was real very easy.
Try being gay if you think dating women is hard! Men are an absolute shallow narcissistic nightmare!
I'm not gay,nor do I have any leanings in that direction,but if I did,I'd sure as hell go that direction.I'm that fed up with women.
Great article, I just wanted to thank the author.
I'm honestly throwing in the towel. I did all the things I was told to do to be a great "catch" worked hard, bought a house , always kept in shape. I'm a good cook, an honest and caring person.
Haven't asked a women out in twenty years. I've come to the conclusion I'm to old 40 to date anymore(which was never any fun for the reasons you list and others) and it's to late to be a father so I'm giving up.
At least I have plenty of company.
That`s how it was for me I had no idea what to do after my divorce. My heart just wasn`t in it at first. I was in shock. I spent too much time drinking. Gradually I started taking women to bed but I got nowhere with them as to actually forming an actually forming relationship with them even though that`s what I wanted. I was engaged to a woman before I met my wife. But i didn`t know what I going to do to support us so I backed out of it. That was when I should have looked into how I was going to survive. I certainly shouldn`t have got married. You see I knew what I wanted to do but not how to do it. Now I`m far too old to get married but know how to at least give it a try. My advice to young men is to find out what you want to do with your life before you try to get married.
Gave up on dating 3 years ago at the age of 37. I actively dated in my 20s, and have had 2 long term relationships. The last one really just broke me in every way imaginable. So much so that the abuse which I suffered in turn changed me, and I became abusive back towards her (verbally).
It was slow gradual process. We dating 4.5 years, and the first year, year and a half, was magic.
We took some amazing vacations, spent time together, talked about a future together.
But then things started to turn, and it became more and more toxic to the point where I no longer was the great guy I had always been. I had never been verbally abusive to a girl, or called her horrible names. I had never been in a relationship that was a constant cycle of break up and make up. I had never experienced being given the silent treatment, punished for whatever she felt I needed to be punished for. Mountains were made out of molehills, the smallest thing would turn into the biggest fight.
She would tear me down, then we would make up, and then just flip back to picking on me, breaking me apart, to the point where a number of times I literally broke down crying asking why was she doing this because I did not understand.
I was blamed for everything. I also paid for everything, and yea, it's embarrassing, but I am humble enough, and honest with my friends and family about it... I was used, and mistreated, and ultimately, I am the one to blame because I should have walked away. Which I did, only for her to beg to have me back.
In the end, I found out through a friend, she had started another life while we were still together. She had been dating a different guy for 6+ months from what I know of for sure.
The other guy, when he found out, thought she was single... he had no idea we were still together.
It took me two years to realize I was not the monster in the relationship. It dawned on me, after two years of questioning everything, wondering what I did to make her cheat, why I wasn't enough, questioning my mistakes, that she in fact was truly what I would consider, an evil person.
That's a word I don't use lightly. I don't think I've met many truly evil people in my life. I had a great childhood. Parents just celebrated 49 years of marriage. I have strong friendships.
It took me two years to realize and be able to confirm her sociopathic if not psychopathic nature.
I realized this: That even if I deserved to be cheated on, which I didn't, that even if she felt in her view it was fine to put me at risk of catching an STD by having sex with other people while I was under the strong impression we were monogamous, which of course was nearly criminal...
She was a monster, because she had been deceiving a person, who she had met 6 months prior to me finding out, and ending it, that she was single-- a totally innocent person she had met through friends.
I wanted to hate the guy. But he didn't know. She went to great efforts to lead a double life. Deceiving me-- well perhaps in her twisted view I deserved it at worst, or at best she simply had not moral compass and did not care. But that other guy, fell in love with her. He fell in love with a girl who was in a committed relationship, the entire foundation of their relationship was a total lie, a fabrication, all the while she was cheating and lying to him.
I've just gotten to a point where I no longer want to put in that kind of effort... I had some amazing adventures in my 20s, and 30s. I loved, and felt loved, and had my heart broken at the end.
I miss having a girlfriend. I miss the intimacy. I miss planning for a future, a family, sharing hopes and dreams we'd share. It is lonely, being single, and I hate the stigma attached with men 40+ being single. The "incel" concept, which I'm certainly not. I've had plenty of intimacy, and two long relationships, I just can't see myself at this point putting so much of me out there, all the time, and memories, and yes, money, wasted, only left with memories that haunt and remind me it was all a lie.
I also see, which is heartbreaking also, my friends who are married, now divorcing. I have had 4 friends, close friends, in the past 2 years, see their marriages dissolve overnight. In every case the woman left them... and in 3 of the 4, they were already involved with another man. It's just sad to see how broken they are now, some with young kids.
Their wives have quickly moved on. Literally in what seems like an overnight process, moving from one bedroom to another, and my friends left behind in an empty house filled with haunted memories.
The statistics are just not in mens favor by any means, and men are really taking that into consideration. That 50% of marriages fail, and 75% of marriages end with the women leaving/filing for the divorce. The men end up paying, child support (which of course is right), but it's often misappropriated, as the women quickly find new partners. They have to fight for their rights to share custody. They bear the brunt of all the hurt and shame.
It's not the same world my parent's grew up in I suppose. The nuclear family is no longer considered paramount, nor is religion, or community, and so on.
It's a strange world, a lonely world. I know I am not the only one who feels this way.
I feel your story. I'm sure many men have lived this life you tell and also have checked out. I can say I am one of them. It's sad it's only gonna get worse. Before it gets better.
First gf was a monkey-branching serial cheater. Didn't trust them from puberty on since there really wasn't much to trust honestly. Have seen their bad behaviours, the way they treat other women/girls as well as men. Being in a relationship is inviting turmoil in one way or another. They always want something and constantly manipulate to get it: pouting, crying, begging, lying, cheating and downright stealing. Would rather raise a kid than essentially have a relationship with someone that acts like one. Believe it or not, I don't hate women, but am just tired of the stupid BS they pull and they don't even care since they're so warped by other women. If they would act more civilized at some point again, it may be worth giving them another try. But I don't see that happening the way things are trending. Seems rare to meet a woman that isn't some psycho-manipulator, but she usually has a husband or is in a stable relationship.
Overall, I've been inclined to stick with hobbies, keep myself busy with work and in shape. All of the rest is just a distant memory of a hope for "normalcy", ah well.
Damn, dude. I can relate
I'm 52, and I spent my whole adult life looking for the right woman. I've always wanted a relationship and to get married, but it just seems like an impossible task. I'm good looking, great shape, nice personality, clean living, have a reliable job, a nice house, but could never get a woman to show me any bit of interest. Its a huge job just to find a woman that's not shacking up with someone. Most women seem so self centered these days, they wont even look up from their phone long enough to look at you. So at my age now I'm just going to throw in the towel, I feel bad for the young guys just starting out, unless their very lucky, their going to have a rough ride.
My thoughts exactly
I am sorry to say that for the most part, the thing that the women described in this current era are good for is to break hearts, period. that being said. I guard my heart and in general I and all the poor souls you mention are not a consolation prize. if I'm not her first choice. she doesn't even rate being my last choice. why would I waste on second on a women who doesn't want to be w me ,She doesn't want to be w me, by all means adios cause I don't want to be w her. the one thing I will never do again is be in a one way so called "relationship" where I do all the caring and they do all the nothing.
so for me at least its a variation on a classic song toxic women, what are they good for absolutely nothin. thanks for the vent.
Goddam this comment section got me depressed. Im 24 and have had a hard time dating.
When you're young, it's about looks/fun/"coolness". When I started "playing the game" by modifying my appearance/personality, I got some play. But unsurprisingly, since I wasn't being myself, I didn't end up with anyone compatible. Also, seemed like every girl who was somewhat attractive (which I was also) always had some dude in the background, and you could never find a decent girl willing to risk going single until she met a "good match". I didn't want to compete for anyone because I didn't feel I was any less valuable, and therefore exited my mid 20s single with little/no relationship experience. Just flings, etc.
After that, things were even more dire. No one to meet (I guess all the guys are hiding their decent wives at home or something), and the quality way dropped off from what I was accustomed to in college. Also, after a few years of working, everyone starts to think about money a bit more (so they don't have to do a boring job for the rest of their life). I saw a video asking women at each year of age what they were looking forward to, and like half the people 30-60+ were looking forward to retiring/being financially independent/etc. So now as a guy, you become a utility to support kids or to facilitate the woman working less. They aren't as interested or attracted to you as a person, and my interest in them drops off for a similar reason (because they make less than me and will be a financial drag). So if you're a high earner guy, you get financially penalized if you want a relationship. If you are an average income guy or high earner female, though, you have way more options.
Anyway, I'm a high earner aged ~30, and I think I wasted enough time trying to find someone "on my level". I wish there was a role model or someone ahead of me in life that could have clued me in on this so I didn't bang my head against a wall seeking a relationship. Also wish I was clued into the fact that a lot of girls aren't angels, but are just very two-faced/deceiving. I guess the upside was that any damage done to me by girls was limited to relatively short involvements and I didn't experience a divorce (emotionally or financially). Going to have to figure out what to do with all this free time, though.
Every man I know currently has given up on women altogether. I'm a very outgoing man with a lot of friends so understand how bad it is.
I'm tall, fit, attractive, outgoing, wealthy and single. I'll probably never date again.
Online dating has destroyed any hope of relationships for most people. Women get so much attention their egos are out of control, princess syndrome.
The funny thing is that they all wind up dating the same STD infected players who oas then around and they become bitter because they got used (predictably) and become even more abusive towards good men that they see as contemptible.
I always considered dating woman who I work with a taboo, but gave in. She was a yonger, sweet, energetic person who's always had a smile on her face. She had made it known previously that she was into me and she considered me to be an amazing person. I didn't realize at the time that I suffered from serious issues in trust stemming from the last woman I was talking to. Well I really came to like her and everything was going great with minor stuff that didn't really bother me. She's had a really tough life and dealing with so much that she was really broken. She became distant which my trust issues started kicking in and I seemed just to kick all logic out and was convinced with all what comes into question couldn't believe her if my life depended on it. To keep it short I ruined it. She has brought sense back to me as if my head was filled with fog and it became clear again. I knew I trusted her and yet somehow forgot or just wasn't thinking of anything but accusing her. That's when I realized it and I couldn't understand why it kept staying in the back of my mind. Things just got worse and I'm constantly blamed for everything. I know it's my fault and the only thing I can do to show her I'm sorry is find help and fix my issues. It takes two and she certainly didn't try to make it any better. If this for some reason doesn't work out between us I think I'm just done with trying to date after this. I really don't see myself with anyone other than with her and I'm not interested in anyone else. She doesn't even make me feel wanted anymore and has probably given up on me already. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything is just hopeless.