Does your track record indicate that you have this amazing ability to attract losers into your life? Have you frequently been left hurt and confused by your previous partners? If so, then you've probably asked yourself why you attract the worst kind of guys in your life.
Perhaps it is because your self-esteem is not high enough to warrant believing that you deserve someone better. Or maybe it is because losers believe you to be an easy mark. After all, you genuinely believe almost everything that everyone says. Perhaps it is because you are naive and idealistic.
If you want to know why you attract only losers in your life, read my detailed explanation below and find out.
1. YOU ACCEPT THE LOVE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE
Most people find it generally easier to be in a relationship with people in the same boat as they are. This means that there is some level of attraction in empathy. If you feel that this guy is just like you, you will probably be drawn to that same guy.
It's not just that, though. It's not only that low-level kind of attraction that pulls you in. It is also the fact that you can't see yourself deserving better. You believe that you deserve to be with each other because, on some fundamental level, you also consider yourself to be a loser.
Your self-esteem could use some work. Having low self-esteem can cause you to view yourself as a loser, or at least someone who doesn't deserve anyone better. In your conscious mind, you want to find a good guy. However, in your subconscious, you believe wholeheartedly that you don't deserve such a guy.
This is why, according to the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower, "You accept the love you think you deserve." If you don't alter your perspective, shift your perspective, improve your self-esteem or love yourself more, you will continue on your loser binge until you finally get emotionally wrung out and dry.
2. YOU ATTRACT MEN WHO YOU DEFINE AS A LOSER
You're the one who labeled them losers. You're the one who identified them as such, too. You're also the one who attracts them. Perhaps it is because of your similar frequency- the way you both see yourselves as losers. Or maybe it has something to do with the way you think the world sees you, instead of how you both see the world.
See, perhaps you have spent a lot of your time complaining about how unfair the world, the universe, or God is for not creating you perfectly. Or maybe you've spent a lot of your time thinking that you only see yourself as a loser because everyone else pointed it out to you.
What you need to understand is that the opinion of the whole world doesn't matter. What matters is your opinion of yourself. Blaming people for being mean and petty, and cruel is counterproductive. No matter how much you want them to stop, they won't unless you stop it first. Break the cycle, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop feeling like a loser.
3. YOU HAVE BAD LUCK
Sometimes, we get bad luck and encounter guys who are extremely good at camouflage. This means that they can act as the perfect gentlemen. You won't see even a slight hint of a red flag. They know how to hide them. Once they are assured of your commitment, only then will they show their true colors.
If this happens to you, remind yourself that this is not your fault. You were victimized, sure, but still, you need to pull yourself together and dust it off. You can't really let a sleazy guy like that play with you and then leave you broken, could you?
HOW TO STOP ATTRACTING LOSER MEN
Know that you are not a loser
You need to remember that just because you think of yourself as a loser who couldn't do better doesn't mean that you are a loser. This is the farthest from the truth. You are enough. You don't need to be more beautiful, more accomplished, sexier, more intelligent, etc. You just need to be more accepting of yourself.
Try not to beat yourself up over your perceived flaws. Everyone has those. Also, you can't hope to improve on them if all you do is complain about them. If you really wanted to improve, you would do so instead of crying and complaining about it.
Take control of your relationship choices
You can choose to not get into a relationship. You can choose to not accept guys who exhibit red flags. You can choose to walk away from someone who doesn't treat you well. You can choose to stay single for a little while you try to find yourself. You can choose to love yourself first before anyone else.
You've read books and seen movies. You even have a veritable wealth of past experiences to pull from. You know what red flags are. You can identify them at once. There is no need for you to choose to stay with a man you claim to love but who doesn't feel the same way about you no matter how much you wish him to.
Furthermore, there is no need for you to prove to yourself, and perhaps to other people, how good you are at relationships by staying in one all the time. If it fails, it fails. You don't need to flay yourself alive over it. In the same way, there is no need for you to surrender to peer pressure and be in a relationship even when you're not ready.
Get out sooner than later
If you constantly find yourself with partners who are liars, cheaters, addicts, etc., leave. It is not your responsibility to rehab them with your love. It is not your responsibility to turn them into good citizens and good people. It is not your job to make them other than what they are.
You can leave. Write that guy off. Accept the fact that he is exceptionally wrong for you. You are not judging him or condemning him. You're only refusing to set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Their problems are truly beyond you. It is not something you can "work on if you keep at it."
Leave and save yourself the drama.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.