According to the Myers-Briggs Test (MBTI), there are 16 different personality types, each with varying cognitive functions that make it unique from other personalities.
Among all the personality types, the rarest of all is the INTJ personality type. The four cognitive functions that make up this personality are also the basis for its acronym: Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging.
The INTJ personality is also referred to as the architect personality. People with this kind of personality are described as perfectionists, analytical, creative, and private individuals.
To say that this personality type loves to think is an understatement. INTJ individuals are fueled by logical reasoning and always seek to discover and learn something new.
This is one of the reasons why being in a relationship with an INTJ can be rewarding and frustrating at the same time.
They enjoy their own company and sometimes tend to be too busy with work.
But they are also one of the best lovers because they truly dedicate themselves to their partner.
INTJ Views about Dating and Relationships
As for dating and relationships, individuals with the INTJ personality can struggle to search for the perfect mate because they mostly set overly high standards and criteria.
Just as how they are when they are at work, INTJs are highly practical and logical when it comes to choosing their partners. If they decide to date, they will see to it that it will be with someone who fits their meticulous criteria.
INTJs may choose to date someone who shares the same level of intellect, ambition, and vision in life.
Related: INTJ Female
INTJ Dating Expectations
So, what must you expect from a relationship with an INTJ? What would INTJs expect from a relationship given their introverted, intellectual, and logical nature?
- Refrain from wasting time on small talk.
INTJ individuals are not big fans of conversation and will instantly lose interest if they sense that the situation turned mediocre.
- Always opt for open and honest communication.
The key to a healthy relationship is open and honest communication, which is why both partners must openly communicate their qualms and concerns and refrain from beating around the bush.
- They value practicality and functionality.
Dating an INTJ means you may need to lower your expectations about typical dating activities like going out on a fancy date or being treated with grand gestures now and then.
INTJs are practical in whatever they do and dislike wasting their time and energy on doing something that lacks real purpose. For INTJs, their idea of a perfect date is something out of the usual norm.
Related: INTJ Famous People
Potential INTJ Partners
INTJs do not look for perfection when searching for their potential mate. Like any other person, what INTJs desire from potential partners is someone supportive and understanding of them.
- Someone with more than just a pretty face
For INTJs, internal values are superior to exterior qualities. While they would appreciate someone with good looks, they would never choose it over someone with shared interests and intelligence.
Looks are not enough for INTJs to choose to be in a relationship. They would hardly entertain the idea of settling down with someone unless they are a hundred percent sure that the relationship with this person is long-lasting.
- Someone truthful and loyal.
Honesty and commitment are traits that INTJ uphold, and they expect nothing less from a potential partner. More importantly, INTJs need someone truthful to them at all times despite their busy schedule.
- Someone who respects their boundaries.
Due to their introverted nature, INTJs do not always enjoy being around anyone sometimes, even if it is their romantic partner. This is why their partner must be understanding and willing to give them the space they need whenever they require it.
- Someone who is not too emotional.
Although being emotional is an occasional part of any romantic relationship, INTJs would potentially choose someone who deviates from emotionalities. They would ultimately choose someone who reacts rationally to any given situation.
INTJ Notable Relationship Traits
- They are committed to the relationship.
If an INTJ enters a relationship, expect that they will remain committed to it no matter what. Even though they may not be as emotionally in-tact as other personalities, INTJs ensure that their partner feels loved and cared for.
- They have keen observation and listening skills.
Another INTJ strength in a relationship is that when they listen, they have their full attention on their partner. They are also observant and take mental notes about what to do and which things to avoid.
- They desire to understand their partner.
INTJs have a naturally curious personality, and desiring to understand their partner is a significant part. While there may be disagreements in the relationship at times, INTJs can quickly get past it and focus on the thing that matters; arriving at an understanding.
- They support their partner every step of the way.
Just as they desire their partner to be supportive of them, INTJs will also show the same love and support for their partners in their every endeavor. They appreciate individuals with vision and goals in life, and they would most likely motivate you when you feel down about it.
- They genuinely respect and care for their partner.
For INTJs, an essential part of being in a relationship is constantly showing care and respect for their significant other. One of how they effectively show this is by telling the truth at all times.
INTJs recognize that partners in a committed relationship should always be honest with each other, whether in thoughts, words, or deeds.
- They never depend on their partner to function.
As much as possible, INTJs deviate from people who depend on others to become functioning adults. What puzzles INTJs the most is when encountering people who would rather sulk and rant about their problems than do something about them.
INTJs are not emotionally dependent and have a healthy level of self-confidence and self-worth even without other people's validation. These are also the traits that INTJs would expect from their partners.
Related: INTJ stare
INTJ Areas for Improvement in Relationship
- They can be emotionally detached.
Because expressing their feelings is not INTJs' forte, they often find it difficult to communicate how they feel properly. More often than not, they would choose to dismiss how they feel than let any other person know the emotions that boil inside of them.
INTJs must work on this if they desire to build a long-lasting relationship with their significant other. Communication, especially in terms of how they feel, is important in addressing present and future issues.
- They have a hard time reading between the lines.
INTJs may be highly intelligent but often find it challenging to take hints and read between the lines. They dislike vagueness in communication as they think it is more practical to express oneself directly.
Their need for everything to be clearly explained may be something that would irritate their partner. While INTJs can change this aspect of their personality, their partner must also be willing to be more patient with them.
- They rarely share their opinions.
No matter the situation, INTJs will refrain from talking about their opinion with somebody else, which can be due to their neutral personality unless they are entirely sure of something.
For some INTJs, it may take a lot of years to learn how just casually to share what they think with other people, and they certainly require their partner's open and honest communication and constant reminders that there's nothing wrong with sharing their opinion sometimes.
- They require a lot of alone time.
Dating an INTJ can seem like an entirely new experience for most people, mainly because they are often reserved and prefer to live a private life.
They are not the type of people to share personal aspects of their lives on social media, and sometimes, they may even require some time away from everybody else, including their partner.
This stems from their introversion, which makes them more comfortable in their own company than with others. Socializing seems to be a distraction for them and would never compare to the relaxation of spending alone time.
INTJ Compatible Personalities
INTJ and ENTJ Compatibility
A possible perfect match for INTJs is their more outgoing counterpart personality which is the ENTJ. Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging (ENTJ) personality type is also considered a commander personality.
ENTJs are almost the same as INTJs, except they are known to be more sociable and genuinely enjoy spending time in other people's company.
INTJs would certainly enjoy the stimulating and intellectual personality of ENTJs, and they would both have goals and ambitions in life.
INTJ and ENFP Compatibility
ENFP stands for Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Perceiving, also known for their personality of basing their decisions on feelings. While this can seem like something INTJs would hate, ENFPs are known for their supportive nature.
ENFPs are imaginative motivators, and this trait would work well with INTJs' driven and workaholic personalities. Moreover, they truly enjoy understanding others and their ideas and value the search for happiness as an ultimate goal in life.
Known for their debating personality, ENTPs or Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Prospecting are fond of exercising their intellectual prowess and are quick-witted, especially in verbal communication.
ENTPs are also intellectually curious as INTJs, and their pursuit of a logical conversation may be the spark in a romantic relationship.
INTJ and INTP Compatibility
Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Prospecting or the INTP personality trait can also be a possible match for INTJs in a romantic relationship. Like INTJs, INTPs often get lost in their thoughts and have an endless drive to discover something new.
Initially, INTPs may seem too emotionally guarded, but with the right person, they can open themselves up and enjoy other people's company.
INTJ and Parenthood
- They are strategic and logical.
While INTJs in parenthood may be overcome with emotions now and then, they would still present their natural self, which is a mastermind and a thinking person.
This can be an advantage in raising kids because INTJs would a lot more time strategically nurturing their kids, but this could also be a downfall as it may serve as a barrier for open effective communication to happen.
- They want their children to grow as independent and critical thinkers.
INTJs value their children's independence and would prioritize raising them in an environment that would allow them to become independent learners.
Critical thinking is also one of the skills they would teach their children as soon as they are capable. As parents, what would occupy most of their time in planning learning experiences appropriate for their age.
- They openly communicate with their children.
Communicating openly with their children is one of the practical ways INTJs do when it comes to parenthood. They would likely teach their children to value honesty and integrity early in life.
- They may struggle with understanding how their children feel.
INTJs may have a hard time teaching their children how to communicate their needs and feelings, and it can give them a hard time understanding their children's emotions.
Romantic Relationship with INTJs
- They rarely express their feelings.
INTJs are a lot of things, but they're certainly not the most emotionally expressive personalities out there. Sometimes, they may even seem like they are devoid of any emotions at all.
More often than not, INTJs would choose to plan, visualize, or work than waste time talking about feelings. Being emotionally reserved is one popular downfall of INTJs in romantic relationships.
- They love to make plans and see them through.
If you're dating an INTJ, expect your partner to be too engrossed in crafting ideas and making plans, whether in life or the relationship. They live to see their plans through, which often preoccupies them a lot.
Dating an INTJ requires a lot of patience and understanding because it is in their nature to think and act rather than have small talks. There are times, however, when INTJs fail to push through with their plan, depending on whether they are an INTJ-A or an INTJA-T.
- They are also creative in bed.
If you're wondering how INTJs are in bed, you can expect they will be as creative in it as they are out of it. INTJs can be a bit experimental in bed and never run out of new and exciting ideas to get the best experience with their partner.
Friendship with INTJs
- They mingle with like-minded individuals.
Despite their introverted nature, INTJs have social circles, and although they may not be as large as those of other personality types, their friendships are most authentic.
INTJs befriend people with similar thoughts, ideas, ambitions, and visions in life. Around ordinary people, INTJs may not be too outgoing, but if genuine friends surround them, they exhibit excellent wit and sometimes even a good sense of humor.
- They prefer friendship with emotional independence.
Just like in romantic relationships, INTJs seek emotional independence in friendships. As much as possible, they deviate from the emotionality of platonic relations.
Being friends with INTJs may mean that you don't always get to hang around with them, yet their friendship remains resilient and long-lasting.
- They often appear superior in their social circle.
Whether on purpose or not, INTJs tend to dominate in their social circle, largely because of their intelligence and straight-to-the-point attitude.
For strangers, they may appear like Mr./Ms. Know-it-all and self-centered, but their friends would simply wave it off as just another day with an INTJ.
How INTJs handle breakups
Once INTJs have decided that they are through with the relationship, they hardly have a hard time moving past it. INTJs find it illogical to waste time feeling remorse about breakups, and being indifferent may be their normal reaction.
INTJs can still struggle to get over someone, especially if it is a serious relationship. However, they'll try their best to get back on track and find reason despite being an emotional mess.
They may not be an exception to the emotional aftermath of breakups, but their logical and workaholic personality make moving on a lot less unbearable.
Which personality type do INTJs dislike the most?
The personality trait that INTJs would always disagree with is the sensing or judging personality. Regarding personality types, some of the most incompatible personalities for INTJs are ISFJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, and ESTJ.
This match won't get along well because they have different ways of approaching a situation. INTJs, in particular, prefer solving problems unconventionally, which is why sometimes they can be difficult to comprehend.
Which personality type are INTJs most incompatible with?
Regarding compatibility with other personality types, INTJs are most compatible with individuals who possess ENFP, ENTJ, and ENTP personality traits.
All three personality types perfectly align with an INTJ's nature. ENFP and ENTJ are among the personality types that can understand an INTJ's desire to be rational and efficient.
Meanwhile, ENFP is also considered compatible with INTJs despite their heightened emotionality because they still allow their partners freedom and independence in the relationship.
What is dating like for an INTJ couple?
What can be expected from INTJ couples is that the relationship would be mostly based on shared interests and genuine conversations.
They'd most likely have a hard time emotionally opening up to each other, but it will be easy to reach an understanding because they share similar values.
What attracts an INTJ?
Some INTJs are sapiosexuals, which means what they find most attractive in a person is intelligence. INTJs like people who are just as intellectually curious and ambitious as they are.
They also appreciate an understanding person, especially whenever INTJs get too engrossed in work. Independence, especially emotionally speaking, is also an attractive trait for INTJs.
Do INTJs enjoy being in a relationship?
Being in a relationship may seem like the last thing INTJs would want in their life because the idea of dating is time-consuming and emotionally draining. Nonetheless, they can still genuinely enjoy being in one if they find the right partner.
Like everyone else, INTJs enjoy being in a relationship based on respect and love. Spending their time in the company of someone who shares the same interests and goals is what most INTJs desire in their romantic relationships.
Do INTJs like to cuddle?
Unfortunately, INTJs are not so fond of spooning or cuddling. They are fans of anything that involves invading their or other people's personal space, so don't expect that they will initiate it in the first place.
Being in a relationship with an INTJ personality can seem like an arduous task at first because of their emotionally reserved and overly critical personality. However, they are some of the most committed and loyal partners who genuinely prioritize their partner's needs over their own.
Just as in romantic relationships, friendships with INTJs can be so rare, but once they open up to like-minded individuals, they enjoy other people's company.
Meanwhile, raising a kid can seem like a challenge with their difficulty in understanding emotions. Still, they are the type of parents who would aim to nurture their children in a way that they will grow to be independent and critical thinkers.
The INTJ personality is rare, and it is also a peculiar one because of its complex nature. People who wish to become a part of an INTJs life must know that they require a tedious amount of patience and understanding with their introverted and work-driven nature.
Nevertheless, being in a relationship with INTJs can be a rewarding experience because they genuinely care and commit to the relationship and their partner.
Trust, truthfulness, and open communication are key requirements for a long-term relationship with this personality.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.