Grieving Aunt Asked to Attend Wedding on Anniversary of Late Husband's Death and Put Couple's Feelings Above Her Own

The people who have lost someone would all agree that when you lose someone, the amount of time that passes has no effect on how long one should or could grieve. 

A person decided to go to the AITA (Am I The A...hole) subreddit to ask for the internet’s opinion about whether or not they were in the wrong to tell their Aunt to put their feelings first concerning their wedding.

The OP (Original Poster/Nibling) starts by letting us know their age: 25.

They continue by giving us a little background. Their Aunt’s husband passed away 20 years ago. The OP also mentions that the Aunt has already remarried and ‘moved on’ (however, some commenters said they have no right to assume) and now has a great new life.

The OP explains that they are getting married next year (2023) and that they and their partner have already sent out the invites. 

The wedding date just so happens to fall on the death anniversary of their Aunt’s husband.

The OP is already lucky enough to have their Aunt attend the wedding in the first place but is unsatisfied when their Aunt says she will only make part of the ceremony, leaving before the reception begins.

Related: How to Comfort Someone Over Text - With Examples

The Aunt Says She Just “Doesn’t Think She Can Enjoy Herself” During The Wedding

The OP mentions that their mother has a lot of siblings and that all of them will be there, but also doesn’t want their Aunt to miss out on the joyous ceremony, so they inquire the Aunt about her decision.

The Aunt simply says she "doesn't think she'll be able to enjoy herself but wishes them well".

The OP says they were mad and hurt about the Aunt’s decision. 

They continue by explaining that the Aunt has built a great life for herself after her husband’s passing and that they can’t understand why she would “hold onto the past like this”.

They were also surprised when the Aunt’s daughter said she will not be staying for the reception either.

The OP’s mom even tried to talk to both of them, but to no avail. The decision was finalized. However, the mom says that her sister may be trying to guilt her daughter into not coming though she has no reason not to come.

Also read: The 6 Female Personality Types - Which One Are You?

The Aunt Tells The OP They Are Being Selfish After Telling Her To Put Their Feelings First

At this point, the OP contacts their Aunt to tell her that she should try to enjoy herself for their sake and that she should “put their feelings over someone who’s been dead for years.”

Of course, this upsets the Aunt, and she called the OP to tell them that they were being ‘selfish,’ and she hopes they never have to go through the same kind of loss she suffered. 

Also read: The 7 Male Personality Types - Which One Are You?

The OP admits they tried to call their Aunt back and even sent a message to apologize because they see they might have overreacted, but their Aunt didn’t respond.

The OP ends the post by saying that their parents agreed with them, but other relatives attending the ceremony didn’t.

And they weren’t the only ones. Some users commented with their own disagreement with OP’s behavior:

“YTA (You're the a...hole)

It's a grief anniversary. Those days are f...king hard no matter how much time passes. I can tell you've never lost someone and you should be grateful for that. She's putting her own feelings over yours - not those of a dead person. You're selfish.

She's attending part of the ceremony. Another thing you should be grateful for. Although after you were nasty, I wouldn't come at all if I were her.”

Also read: 21 Things Women Wear That Men LOVE

Another user said:

“YTA. This is the anniversary of your aunt's husband's death and your cousin's father. Your day does not have to mean more to them than the day their husband/dad died.

Even 20 years later, celebrating and laughing it up on a day like that might feel unnatural to people. I think it was pretty rude of you to say "put my feelings over someone who's been dead for years"

You invited them to your wedding, that is your only obligation - you don't need to pass judgment on them for why or why they cannot fully attend. It's your day, not theirs.”

READ NEXT:

• 25 Popular Things Women Wear That Men Secretly Hate
• 33 Dirty Company Secrets Revealed By Employees That We Are Not Supposed To Know
• 20 Dangerous Things Your Doctor Wants You to Stop Doing Right Now