We often describe the feeling of being in love as the person whom you hold hands or spend the night with. It can also be someone you always talk to or take to a fancy dinner. While love is something done as physical as it can be, falling in love without the thought of being sexually attracted is possible.
It can happen, at some point, to have a romantic connection between a couple but not with the idea of being sexually attracted. Movies portray being in love as magnets pulled together, unable to take their hands off, and missing each other at all times.
Believe it or not, love does not always start with sexual attraction. For some, maybe yes. But that's not the case at all times.
Physical attraction grows over time as you get to know your partner emotionally and mentally. Love can significantly flourish in different scenarios. However, physical and sexual attraction may draw two people together.
As the saying goes, "first impression lasts." Our physical appearance and how we present ourselves usually are the first things people notice. The other way around is true. What we see through the physical form is the first thing we notice about the person.
Seeing someone who gets our attention catches our attraction – it ignites and creates a spark to know the person more.
The truth is that physical and sexual attraction is essential for many people, and when it's not present in a relationship, people get uneasy about it.
So, if you're not experiencing a different level of physical attraction to your partner, should this be an alarming concern?
There are two groups of thoughts on this topic – whether one can be in love without feeling sexually attractive or not. Some may say yes, and some may have the opinion of having this thought is impossible to happen.
Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert at Maple Holistics, says that when people talk about spark towards another person, they are not specifically talking about the person's physical appearance – but a mental one. This is similar to how you can feel with someone that has nothing to do with their appearance.
A great example to explain this is the setting of LDR or Long Distance Relationship Couples. As the name says, these couples live in different places, making it hard to see each other daily. Technically, they are not relatively involved with the physical language of love but are still in love with each other.
Another example can be online relationships through dating sites or apps. Who would have thought that falling in love with the person on the screen as possible?
The other way around is true; some people fall in love with the other person solely because of physical and sexual attraction. Some are after the physical satisfaction of what the relationship can offer. Stories of such scenarios are a no-brainer for this generation.
Being in love with someone is a thing, but being in love and sexually attracted at the same time to the same person is another thing. It simply means having both in the equation is possible for those looking forward to a long-term relationship.
Now, maybe you're in a situation where you feel like you're losing attraction toward your partner. Let's see what causes it and how you can regain it.
When a romantic relationship starts, there is this unexplainable feeling of attachment to your partner. Experts define this as the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Everything feels new and light, hug and kiss feel warm, and it seems like an endless cloud nine.
Sadly, the honeymoon stage is not sustainable in the long run. Sooner or later, you and your partner will feel comfortable. It is entirely normal to have your feelings take on a different level of complacency.
However, losing attraction to your partner is another story to ponder. Completely losing interest in your partner is something you don't want to happen in a relationship. But as time goes by, it happens. You might have it all figured out at first as a couple, thinking it will be forever you and him against the world.
Remember that a lasting relationship requires effort and work even behind closed doors.
This is the very reason you should address such topics with your partner. Sometimes, it can be over through a sit-down conversation. Maybe have an emotional coach if necessary. The approach to address this issue may depend on the level and reason for the loss.
The most common reasons for attraction loss are:
Holding on to negative emotions can lead to loss of attraction. Being transparent with your partner when it comes to positive or negative emotions can create a harmonious relationship between you two.
Lack of adequate communication can also lead to loss of attraction. Make sure that you let your partner know things that matter within your relationship. Remember that to make things work. You have to initiate the connection through communication.
- Things become routinary
As you go along the journey, things become more routinary. It feels like you're doing the same thing over and over again—less adventure and more practical situations surface. Lack of new activities or thrill can ignite the loss of attraction toward your partner.
Being complacent or content with what you have in the relationship is good, but not to the extent of overlooking your relationship. Meaning you're starting to let your physical and mental state go. It is quicksand to lose your attraction.
The feeling of familiarity crashes attraction in which the by-product is boredom. When this occurs, expect to lose hold of the interest in another person.
How to regain attraction
Now that we've walked through some of the most common reasons people become in love but not sexually attracted let's look at how you can regain it.
The first thing to do is to face your fear. Try to meet your emotions by having control of it over the situation. Uncontrolled emotions might be causing a loss of attraction between you and your partner.
Find ways to redefine attraction
Cliche as it can be, but the only way is up if you hit rock bottom. There are a lot of ways where you can redefine attraction. Check out new things. Go on a trip. Have fun. Find the spark to regain your intimacy.
Walk down memory lane
When things go rough, walk down memory lane. Remembering how you started can revive the spark you needed. Go back to why you fell in love in the first place.
Sometimes, we fall short on the things our partner needs. Knowing your partner's love language can help you understand where you're missing out and have a stronger connection with him or her.
If you feel like you lost something in the relationship, that's probably the connection you had at first. Make an effort to re-establish the link, and you'll see visible results.
I understand that boys and girls have different points of view. Now, let's flip the page and see how the other thought of the picture.
This one is for all the girls out there. If you're a guy, keep scrolling.
There are several reasons why you don't feel attracted anymore. One of which is birth control and antidepressants. If you're taking one of these, you might want to consult your OB or therapist about the side effects of these drugs when it comes to sex drive.
Cleaning up after him can be a significant reason you lose attraction. It's not that easy to be attracted to someone you always clean up. This problem is more evident in couples who live under the same roof.
Sometimes the mere reason is the reality itself. Life and kids can get in the way of the relationship: jobs, responsibility, maturity, and all the things an adult has to face. Having been busy with work, kids, and life can be a significant distraction to your attraction toward your boyfriend.
I love my girlfriend, but I'm not sexually attracted to her
I know that physical attraction is significant for guys. But the thing is, love does not only revolve in physical form. Love is not only based on the body. You can love somebody even if you're asexual.
Being asexual, in layman's terms, is a spectrum where one experiences being in love without the involvement of sexual attraction. We'll learn more about this as we proceed.
Remember, being in love is beyond what we see through the body, just like how you can love your pet without the desire to have sex with it. Love can be based on a deep connection between the two of you. It is a form of bond.
As you get to know your partner, you'll soon realize how attractive she can be. The way she treats you takes care of the house, or even how she does all the things she does daily. Clothes will come off without you even noticing it.
If you're still stuck and having difficulty being sexually attracted to your partner, try doing the tips we had earlier. Maybe you'll find your way out.
Now, here's the biggest question in mind:
The answer is a simple yes.
You have to keep in mind that love and attraction are two different things. It's good to have these two in the same equation. However, it's not an absolute deal-breaker if physical attraction is missing in action.
Learn to focus on building your mental and emotional connections. Your mental and emotional connection is an essential key to getting to know your partner more. Later on, it will become the foundation of your sexual attraction.
Here's the real deal. Building or reconnecting your physical connection is easier said than done. So, you might want to consider these few things to improve your physical relationship.
- Take one step at a time
You can start by being appreciative. Say "thank you" as a form of gratitude. Make sure to make your partner feel appreciated.
- Unplug and focus on your partner
Get all those gadgets out of the way and give more attention to your partner.
Take the step to initiate things to learn about your partner. Ask questions you never asked. Play a game or swap stories. Initiate something that would make your partner feel that you are present.
- Be Intentional
If you want to improve your sexual relationship with your partner, you must be intentional. Set a time specifically for your partner. Make it a priority. You can plan a date night, or you can go to your favorite spots.
As mentioned a while back, some people are asexual. Meaning they get to feel being in love without the hunger of having sex. People can experience different kinds of attractions. But when we talk about relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is physical and sexual attraction.
Most of the time, sexual and romantic attractions come together. But it doesn't work that way for everybody. Every love story is unique and has a story to tell.
There are many things to do in a relationship aside from sex – thus making it possible to have a good relationship without physical attraction. Sooner or later, you'll realize that life and relationships are not only about sex. Relationships also revolve around responsibility and reality.
Yes, you can have a good relationship without sexual attraction. But we can't minimize your partner's perspective on sexual attraction. If you've been struggling with losing sexual attraction for a while now, it's best, to be honest, and transparent with your partner.
Holding these thoughts may not help the future state of your current relationship. It can create a crack in the wall that can cause damage to both of you. Keep in mind that you are doing this to have a better and healthier relationship. At the end of the day, that's all we need.
What is it called when you love someone but not sexually?
Asexual is the term used for people in love without the feeling of having the urge to pursue sex.
What to do when you love your partner but are not sexually attracted?
Having an intimate conversation with your partner about the said topic is the best solution.
What does it mean if I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend?
Not being sexually attracted doesn't mean you've fallen out of love. Several key factors can contribute to sexual unattraction. Few are boredom, complacency, and miscommunication.
Should I date someone I'm not physically attracted to
Dating does not only revolve around sex and attraction. The primary goal of dating is to have a lifelong partner without the concept of having sex regularly.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.