Is it possible to love someone you don't like? Apparently, it is.
A couple gets comfortable with each other after they have been together for quite some time. Too comfortable, in fact, that unattractive qualities begin to take over the good ones. You begin to notice his flaws more than the good things about him. And then, suddenly, he doesn't seem so attractive anymore.
After the honeymoon phase of a relationship has passed, we tend to focus on what our partner does wrong rather than all the wonderful things they do right. We start noticing their faults instead of appreciating them.
Related: Why Don’t I Like Him?
Such is the natural progression of relationships. If you can live with it, it means you have successfully gotten past the stage of no-return and got yourself a lifelong partner.
But what if you can't? What if you end up not liking your boyfriend?
Together, let's explore all the reasons behind not liking your boyfriend, as well as possible solutions to the issue, starting with
Related: Why Am I So Mean To My Boyfriend?
You Don't Like Some Of His Qualities
There are times when a boyfriend becomes particularly irritating because of his bad habits and qualities. Some of these may include his sense of style, he thinks he does nothing wrong, his loud chewing, his messy room, his easy-go-lucky attitude, his rudeness, or his ability to make light of everything you say, especially when you're serious. And the worst part is, he doesn't understand how upsetting it all is. Life would be so much easier without this guy! Or is it?
Normally, those aren't reasons enough to make or break relationships. Or they shouldn't be. You probably love this guy enough to put up with some of his worst qualities, right? If you do, you should. But if you don't think your love is enough to make you forget about his bad qualities, you should probably stop.
Also read: Long Love Letters For Him That Make Him Cry
He's probably a lovely human being, and this is what attracted you to him. But attraction fades away, and that initial burst of love that you felt when you first met him and understood him? That also goes away. All you get left with is his dirty laundry and the cold, hard sense that you don't like him enough to put up with all of it.
What To Do If You Love Your Boyfriend But Don't Like Him
If you still feel strongly about loving him despite all his flaws, then there are ways to change things.
Learn to live with those annoying qualities you don't like about him so much. Learn to accept them without complaining. Acceptance will help you move on from the relationship faster than anything else. For example, you can make a commitment not to have negative thoughts about him for one day. If you find yourself thinking negatively about him, stop it and remember the good times and why you love him.
Perhaps the first thing you need to do is be cool and figure out if this is something you can live with. If it's something that only bothers you because everyone else is bothered by it, I believe it's time to make your own opinion.
If that doesn't work out, you can always talk to him about it. However, when you do, try not to sound as if you want to change him so that he will become more acceptable to you. You don't engage in a healthy relationship with the idea of changing a person, even for the better. This means you need to let him know how much some of his qualities bother you in a calm and undemanding manner.
If that fails as well, it's time to take out the scales and see if your love can balance the irritating qualities you dislike about him. If it doesn't, then it's a sign you probably should let each other go before you hurt the other person. This is why divorce exists. Sometimes, there is no point in carrying on anymore. Sometimes, it's more healthy to quit. It's a sign that you're both too different to stay together.
However, if you believe that you love him enough to overlook his faults, you should go for it. In this case, it's likely his irritating qualities will only remind you of him fondly as time goes by. And instead of constant annoyances, they will evolve into funny and weird little quirks that you'll eventually find adorable in your man.
You can also get couple counseling or therapy if you really want to save your relationship. Lots of couples save their love through these methods. Relationship counselors can teach you how to deal with the actual problems you have. They can also give you tips on how to improve communication between you and your boyfriend.
Your Mental Health Matters
When we get into a healthy relationship with another person, we will inevitably encounter some disagreeable qualities, beliefs, attitudes, and perspectives. Some of these we can live with- a lot of people do. However, there are also limits to what we find acceptable.
If, for example, you fell in love with him because he volunteers at a local shelter or donates his time and abilities in helping out other people, but you hate his passive-aggressive behavior, what should you do? This is quite the dilemma, isn't it? Probably because he is sincere and passionate in his endeavors, but he is equally sincere in his quest to make you feel as shamed and tiny as possible.
Will you compromise your mental health and state of mind for a guy like this? Well, since you've been together for some time, you probably think he's worth it. However, before you think about anything else, think about yourself. You're the most important. Listen to the warning signs: Do you have trouble sleeping? Are you feeling anxious all day long? Is your mood constantly fluctuating between happy and sad?
Ask yourself if you're still happy and if you still love him, despite everything he's done to you. Ask yourself if he's worth all the gallons of tears you've cried ever since you got together. Ask yourself if he's worth a lifetime of unhappiness on your part.
He shouldn't be. It doesn't matter if he's the male equivalent of Mother Teresa. He could win a couple of humanitarian awards, and it still shouldn't matter. You should learn to prioritize your mental health above relationships.
It should be increasingly clear to you that you don't like him. You love his vision and his dedication to his cause. But you don't really like him as a person. You only like the idea of him and the idea of you guys as a couple. This is not enough.
So if things spiral out of your control like this, you should probably choose yourself instead of sticking with him. Your life is important too, you know. You shouldn't forget that.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.