Getting into college can be stressful. It's when we make new friends and socialize with new people. Making new college friends can be draining, but avoiding toxic people and connecting with good people is crucial.
Previous generations called toxic people manipulators or just hysterics and whiners. In any case, the point is the same: you feel uncomfortable when talking to them. But how can a simple conversation be that exhausting?
Well, this is a sure sign that you are dealing with a toxic person.
There are nine main types of toxic people in college, and as they say, it’s better to know your enemy.
- 1. Gossip (Steals Your Time)
- 2. Victim (Wants Your Pity)
- 3. Critic (Knows What’s Best For You)
- 4. Egocentric (Doesn’t Listen To Others)
- 5. Manipulator (Makes You Their Puppet)
- 6. Gaslighter (Wants to Subdue You)
- 7. Hysterical (Throws Out All The Negativity In You)
- 8. Judge (Believes They Are Always Right)
- 9. Old Friend (Constantly Needs Your Help)
- How To Deal With Toxic People
- Key Takeaways
1. Gossip (Steals Your Time)
Why would anyone discuss other people's misfortunes or failures? The answer is simple: for fun. By focusing on the bad experiences of others, gossipers boost their self-esteem.
They love to provoke conflicts, deceive and manipulate. You never know what they actually think. And by involving you in their gossip, they bring you down to their level, and you waste your time.
It’s easy to lose yourself in a conversation like that, wasting your study time. If you lost too much time because of such empty chats, here’s what to do. Outsource your assignment to an essay writing service, like EssayPro, to have your tasks finished in the nick of time. Perhaps it’s the best way to manage it all without hurting your nervous system these days.
2. Victim (Wants Your Pity)
You sympathize with them, feel sorry for them, and try to help. But they do nothing to improve their lives because suffering makes reality more interesting. They broke up with their partner; they deal with burnout; their dog is ill. The circle is endless.
As a rule, victims avoid any personal responsibility, and they may even be offended if you offer a working solution to the problem.
Related: Is my relationship toxic?
3. Critic (Knows What’s Best For You)
None of us are perfect, and we often rely on friends’ opinions. But if your acquaintance criticizes you all the time, then something must be wrong. Not with you, but with them.
The critic will enthusiastically show what you did wrong to make you feel guilty:
- Do you have pimples all over your face again?
- Did you procrastinate all weekend, as always?
- When will you stop blushing during the presentation?
At the same time, critics themselves have rather low self-esteem, which they tend to compensate for on others.
4. Egocentric (Doesn’t Listen To Others)
They keep everyone at a distance, and you probably feel lonely in their company. They don’t create emotional connections. But luckily, they are easy to identify.
They are not used to listening to others (most likely, they can’t do it at all), and the only topic you will speak about is them.
5. Manipulator (Makes You Their Puppet)
They take away your time, energy, and resources without any regard for your personal needs. But you don’t notice this at all, as manipulators don’t do it aggressively. You can feel great around them.
They even can make you feel loved and appreciated. But when they don’t need you, they will quickly make you feel completely useless.
6. Gaslighter (Wants to Subdue You)
Gaslighters make you doubt your sense of reality as well as your strengths and abilities. What for? They do everything to become leaders (in a sick way, though). A gaslighter can lie and deny the obvious.
Their words are inconsistent with their actions, and they want you to be confused, lonely, and miserable.
7. Hysterical (Throws Out All The Negativity In You)
They don't control their emotions. At all! Hysterical projects feelings onto the very first person who is nearby, and they can easily blame you for all their troubles. They literally feed on your guilt.
8. Judge (Believes They Are Always Right)
The Judge is a bit like the critic, but the difference is that they remember all your wins and losses. At the moment when you are completely relaxed or joyful, they will remind you of a terrible old mistake.
Related: My husband thinks he is always right
9. Old Friend (Constantly Needs Your Help)
We all dream of having true friends, but the reality is not that nice. Some people just stay with us when our viewpoints are similar. But what if your good old friend comes out of nowhere after a long time?
If they burden you with their problems, constantly asking you for a favor, and taking everything for granted, then another toxic type is just in front of you.
How To Deal With Toxic People
If you identify a toxic person in your environment, you already know about their goals. Don’t let things be the way they are, or you’ll find yourself devastated and sad.
Setting boundaries will help you decide how and when to interact with a toxic person (or even remove them from your circle, if possible).
- Stand Up For Your Boundaries
Toxic people often target the most sensitive ones who are embarrassed to say “no.” However, there’s only one solution – and it’s being straightforward:
- Yes, I know that you want to talk, but it's late, and I want to sleep;
- I don't want to discuss other people;
- I didn’t ask for your advice.
- Rule The Conversation
Toxic people love to talk about their problems and forget about time. If you are tired, feel free to take the initiative into your hands.
- I understand your problem, so how are you going to solve it?
- I’m not interested in discussing Jennifer’s personal life; better tell me what you are doing this weekend.
- Don’t Be Open-Minded
Toxic people are good at gaining trust. So when they tell you their heartbreaking stories, you also want to be sincere. Be careful since any revelations will be used against you.
For example, you say you spent Friday night watching Netflix at home, and they answer: “God, are you so lonely that you have no one to spend the night with?”
And then your self-esteem flies into the abyss.
- Control Your Emotions
If your friend constantly complains, don’t get involved on an emotional level. "What are you planning to do?" - that's the best question. Don’t try to solve the problem for another person since they are simply waiting to shift the responsibility onto your shoulders.
Even more, they try to put their complexes, fears, and sadness right into you. So, you need to learn how to protect yourself from it.
By sucking the energy out of you, toxic people make you doubt your worth and your adequate perception of reality. They can make you think you are a monster, or a heartless egoist, whatever, to make them feel better. The trap of toxic people is we open up to them, guided by the best intentions.
So, first of all, you need not get involved in their problems. Try to turn off emotional reactions and remain calm.
Second, avoid communicating with them if possible.
And third, remember not to take things personally, as people rarely do something because of you.
They do it because of them. Most likely, those hurtful things they say to you were once said to them, and they are only trying to transfer their pain to someone.