"My husband thinks he does nothing wrong. He never seems to be sorry for anything that he does and is always quick to blame me or other people or the situation for his behavior. Sometimes I wonder if he's just selfish or enjoys getting on people's nerves. To say the least, my marriage is going through a rough patch."
Does this sound familiar to you?
If so, your husband may be egocentric or a narcissist.
Egocentrism: The inability to understand that someone else's point of view or opinion may differ from your own. In this instance, someone assumes that others see the world in the same way they do, failing to imagine that others may see the world differently.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance; preoccupation with fantasies about power, success, beauty, intellect, or ideal love; and lack of empathy toward others. A few of the symptoms are excessive need for admiration, neglect of others' feelings, inability to handle criticism, and a sense of entitlement.
Unfortunately, your husband's behavior can evolve into far more serious problems down the road. A know-it-all attitude is one thing, but a person's inability to accept their wrongdoings is unhealthy. Because if he can't accept his mistakes, he will never need to apologize for anything in his life.
Related: Healthy relationships
This, in turn, will make everyone around him suffer because of his God complex. We will have to adjust to accommodate his ego. That is, if he's living with a doormat. A normal, healthy woman will not suffer a husband carrying this much baggage, though.
Signs Of A Husband Who Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong
- He never seems to be sorry for anything that he does, and is always quick to blame other people or the situation for his behavior.
- He'll try to blame the situation for something that he did or other people's behavior for something that he did.
- He likes to make jokes about the situation.
- He thinks he is always right, and he expects you to agree with him.
- He'll try to make you feel bad about something that he did by saying things like "It's your fault, not mine".
- He won't apologize for anything and try to make it seem like he did not do anything wrong.
- He'll try to make you feel like you're the one who is responsible for his mistake.
- He never offers an apology when he makes a mistake.
- He'll try to make you feel like what he did was normal or expected.
- He'll try to make it seem like it's not really a big deal with something like "It's nothing".
- He'll accuse you of being in a bad mood if you try to convince him to change his ways.
- He'll try to convince you that the situation is something that he had to do.
- He thinks he's better than other people.
- He lies to get what he wants.
- He frequently talks about how much better he would do things than other people.
- He's always quick to blame others for his problems.
What Can A Woman Do In This Situation?
A woman have to find ways for his husband to realize that not acknowledging his mistakes is a bad thing, or her life could become miserable. She also has to set boundaries so that the husband knows where they stand, and there is no excuse. If he doesn't respect those boundaries, then there will be consequences.
And she will have to do it fast. A woman can't let him carry on to appear perfect without calling him out on it as early as possible. It'll only become more complicated as time goes by. She wouldn't be able to tell him that she's unhappy because he wouldn't believe that it's his fault anyway or that her unhappiness has something to do with him. He'll just shrug it off. Sometimes, he may even turn things around by making it look like it's her fault she's not happy.
The problem with this scenario is that the husband will not want to fix things, but the woman also feels frustrated at herself for being ungrateful or negative about her marriage. And then the woman will begin thinking that maybe she's imagining herself being unhappy, or worse, she'll start doubting her own feelings.
For the sake of her mental health, she should avoid him when her husband is in a bad mood. That would only lead to more frustrating times and eventually cause her to lose hope. The best way to handle such situations is to stay away from him until he calms down. When he starts acting nice again, go back to him and talk to him calmly.
So, how do we deal with a husband who thinks he's done nothing wrong?
Talk To Him
One of the most important things a married or unmarried couple should learn is proper communication. This means talking openly and honestly about everything from finances to sex life. If there are any issues between the partners, a heart-to-heart talk is necessary.
A good way to communicate effectively with a husband who thinks he is always right is to ask questions. Ask him why he feels so strongly about certain situations.
Setting the tone of voice in which you speak to your partner matters too. You don't want to sound angry or upset. Instead, you want to convey confidence, empathy, and strength.
Making conversation and talking about things will help you both grow as a couple. It will not only solve potential problems such as him not admitting his mistakes, but it will also make it possible for him to tell you about some of your worst qualities.
We all improve when we can talk about our problems and work on them together. A big part of what makes a marriage successful is the ability of spouses to forgive each other's mistakes. And forgiveness doesn't come easy without communication—and talking about both the good and bad. Poor communication will always lead to a poor relationship.
Talking to him is one of the most important things to remember when dealing with a husband who thinks he does nothing wrong. Because if you're not talking about it, then there's no chance of solving any problems or getting anything resolved between you two.
A couple needs to know how to communicate with each other so that problems like him not admitting his mistakes can be fixed in time before they become too much of an issue.
This will help keep the marriage fresh by ensuring that the problems are dealt with and not just swept under a rug. It also helps keep both people involved feeling valued, loved, and respected.
To have an effective marriage, spouses need to be able to communicate their feelings honestly without fear of being judged or mothered by each other.
Be Calm And Reasonable
One thing that makes an argument turn into a blazing row is when one of you starts a conversation looking for a fight. While it is important to learn how to express yourself, it is also necessary to keep your cool. After all, you are not kids playing house anymore. You're married. And if you wish for the marriage to be longer and healthier, you have to learn how to stay calm and reasonable in an argument.
If you go in angry, you will inevitably say things that you won't mean anymore once the anger dissipates. Don't control your emotions. Feel them instead. Maybe take a day away from your husband, who has annoyed you so much with his inability to admit his mistakes. Once you've calmed down, then you can get to talking.
Keeping your cool in a conversation will help you order your thoughts and strengthen your arguments. Don't go in thinking to defeat him in the debate you have in mind. Instead, go in presuming to tell him about this annoying and potentially toxic quality, and then listen to what he has to say as well.
It may be that he has his own reasons. Maybe most of those reasons are invalid. You still need to listen to it, though. It will become apparent to him, as he continues down this smelly road, that he is spouting off nonsensical counterarguments. He will then be more than inclined to listen to you if he is not a bad person.
So if you want to have a calm, reasonable conversation with your partner, take a few deep breaths. You know what he's like when he gets all riled up and angry about something. So before the conversation even starts, make sure that you're in control of yourself. Take another breath or two if necessary.
And when you feel yourself about to lose your cool, take another couple of deep breaths, and remember that no one will benefit from you getting angry. And getting mad at him will only torment him further. Also, try to avoid mood swings.
I know you're probably thinking that this sounds like too much trouble. However, if you love each other, which is perhaps why you guys got married in the first place, you should be willing to put in a little work.
And think of it like this, if you can solve this problem at the onset of your marriage, then you won't have to think about it anymore two or three years down the road. You can just remind your husband about this talk you've had if you think he's sliding back into his old habits.
Always put yourself in his shoes, and make your conversation from a place of care and concern. This way, you won't come off as too aggressive and critical, which will only put his back up. If you argue with an empathetic voice, there's a lot more chance he will listen to you.
It is important that you not appear to be attacking your husband because you're not. Your goal is not to force him to surrender and make you the winner in your household. You're not at war. You only need to talk to overcome this particular obstacle in your marriage. It's a frustrating situation, but you have to deal with it.
There is always that period of adjustment in every successful marriage. Even the happiest marriages can't exist without any conflicts, arguments, and a little drama. There's always something about your partner you won't love or even like. However, this is not a cause for separation or even a huge fight.
You must know your husband- you married him. Which probably means that you love him. And even though he has qualities that you don't like, love won out when you weigh it against the qualities that you do (added to that, the fact that you love him to bits).
And if you can defend him to your family and friends, you should be sensitive enough to understand where he's coming from. And while you don't want his behavior to continue, and you don't plan on tolerating his toxic behavior, you also don't want to wave the white flag of surrender this early in your marriage.
Visit a Therapist
If you don't want your husband's bad behavior to continue, and you've done everything possible to make him admit his mistakes, and yet he never does, it's time to bring in the big guns. It's time for marriage counseling. Because his blatant refusal to admit to being human may be a bigger issue than you can handle.
A marriage counselor can help you figure out the best way to tailor your situation and how to deal with it. They'll help you with communication and give you some tools to use so that you can get through these rough patches together.
Yes, you love and support your husband. However, love and support don't mean martyrdom and unhappiness forever. It means you are willing to help him with this problem and that you will put in the time to talk it out with him, with a therapist, if necessary.
All in all, you shouldn't be that ready to throw in the towel with this little issue. This does not mean that you will ignore this problem and hope it goes away. It means you should love yourself enough that you will not tolerate this kind of toxicity in your marriage, and you also love him enough to want him to become a better version of himself.
No ladies, you are not out to change him. You're only trying to fix this one issue your husband has. Because his inability to admit his mistakes is an issue. And left alone to foster and grow, it will evolve into malignant cancer that will eat away your relationship and your marriage.
How To Deal With A Husband Who Doesn't Want To Admit He's Wrong
The truth is, while this trait is not exclusive to men, there are a lot more of them who are unwilling to admit they're wrong, especially in front of a lot of people. So if you're reading this and thinking that your husband is no different, but you're tired of it, I'm telling you not to give up on him. He's worth a little trouble and some conversation.
He needs your help and understanding. He also needs it a lot sooner rather than later. Don't wait for him to push you over the edge with his annoying little habit. Talk to him about it. Do what you can. This is for you as much as for him. Don't give up on him without trying everything. You'll only regret it.
You took each other on, for better or for worse. Do some justice to your vows.
You're not alone. We've all been there before, and we know it's a tough time being in an abusive relationship with someone who doesn't want to change their negative behavior no matter how hard you try. However, if he really cares about you, then he'll listen when you tell him that this isn't the way things should be between two people who love each other.
On the flip side of that though, don't just take his bad behavior either. If he continues to refuse to admit his mistakes and wrongdoings, after everything you've done to help out, consider walking away from the relationship for good. You deserve better than what he's giving you. Bad husbands need to learn to stop doing those things which make women feel like crap.
Being able to admit one's mistake is the first step towards fixing it so they won't make the same mistake again. What is the point if this cycle doesn't even begin to heal because the husband won't take that first step? The majority of people do not have the courage to own up to their mistakes. They blame others instead. That's why most relationships end badly.
But then again, your husband is a grown man, and he has to decide that for himself. You can't make him change his ways by begging or bargaining with him. And while it is terribly frustrating, you shouldn't let yourself get too angry at him either. It takes both parties working together to create positive changes in a difficult relationship.
If you still think that he might never change, then maybe it would be best to leave him now before things go further downhill. We all need a loving relationship in our life, but sometimes, it's better to walk away than stay with a narcissistic husband.
I hope these tips helped! Please share any thoughts/comments below.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.