A quick web search regarding the most common insecurities among women yields some interesting, and perhaps disturbing results. The most common answers, by far, all involve a girl’s appearance in one way or another (as a matter of fact, it’s difficult to even track down any other type of insecurity). The other type of insecurity which easily rears its head is the type involving insecurities in her relationship; in other words, her worries about what a man thinks of her.
Women's Most Common Insecurities
The 4 main types of insecurities are:
- Physical appearance
- Stability in a relationship with a man
- The only other insecurity that pops up, just barely on the edge of the radar, is the insecurity about money and career.
- There are only rare mentions about insecurities regarding a woman’s intellectual or creative life.
7 Most Common Female Physical Insecurities
First of all, let’s take a quick run through the list of insecurities regarding physical appearance (but be warned: if you do not like what you are about to read, just remember that I am only summarizing what, according to the Internet, are the top insecurities of women and why):
- Sexuality: By far the most commonly listed insecurity. Women, apparently, want most of all to be sexually desirable and are constantly measuring their own sexual desirability against that of other women.
- Age: Women also are insecure about their age. They want to look young, are jealous of other women, and are constantly trying to find the right foods and products which will fight the aging process. An interesting observation, on the side, would be to do a web search on “anti-aging” and looking at all the sites that offer gleaming anti-aging miracles to these apparently insecure women.
- Weight: The next most obvious insecurity women have regards their weight. Women always want to be skinnier; or, no matter how gorgeous they are they always believe that they are overweight; they are constantly looking for the newest fad diet of watermelon only, or high protein low starch, or nothing but raisins and kippers on Tuesdays and Sunday evenings; and so on and so on.
- Hair color: Women are apparently also insecure about their hair color; perhaps they all want to be blondes. Blondes do, after all, have more fun, and blondes are more desirable to men, right? Additionally, blonde hair usually means you are dumb and looking dumb means looking sexier. Perhaps even it is instinctual for men to want women with light hair; in the animal kingdom, the male always prefers the lighter hair female because it’s a sign of health; natural selection.
- Eye color: Women also, apparently, are insecure about their eye color. Blue eyes, that ever-companion to blonde hair, is apparently the most desirable color in the eye world. Gray, green, and hazel, are apparently next up in the hierarchy of eye desirability. Brown eyes are the worst, probably, because they are the most common.
- Height: Having an ideal height is also apparently a problem for women. Most women seem to want to be taller, and complain of only being in the low 5’s; 5’ 1’’ to 5’ 5’’ is apparently not tall enough. Think about those tall, long-legged fashion models that apparently all women want to emulate. There is a point, of course though, where a woman becomes too tall – somewhere around 5’ 10” is the limit. Any taller than that, and they might challenge the superiority of men.
- Breast size: Finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for: women want to have bigger breasts. Women apparently see celebrities with large breasts and want to have large breasts too. Women become insecure when their jerk boyfriends make jokes about them being flat as a board. All men apparently are attracted to large breasts, and all women apparently want all men to be attracted to them. Biologically breasts speak of fertility or baby nurturing so big breast desirability is evolutionary.
Now, I sincerely hope that any woman reading this list of their apparent insecurities is really angry right now.
I honestly cannot believe that even nowadays this is the picture of women that is being suggested by their insecurities. The above would suggest that women are all worried about looking like celebrities and models; want nothing more than to be desired sexually by men; and finally that this is all well and good because it’s based on evolution. True, insecure women are often very hard on themselves.
If you’re mad now, though, the next few insecurities women apparently have regarding dating are going to make you even madder.
List of dating and relationship insecurities
The next most commonly listed female insecurities are about dating:
- He will not call me back: A woman, when in a new relationship, is apparently always intent on having the man call her back, and must be reassured by the man that he will in fact call her in order to soothe her anxiety.
- He just want to sleep with me: A woman in a new relationship is also constantly worrying that the man is only interested in her for sex – because she is also insecure about whether or not there is anything interesting or desirable about her besides her body- and must once again be reassured by the man that he likes her personality, that she makes excellent muffins, etc.
- He's dating other women: A woman is constantly suspicious that her man is cheating on her – because despite the fact that her man has constantly reassured her about the quality of her personality and her muffins, she is still unsure of herself, and also believes that all men are pigs and will sleep with anything that moves.
- He's not attracted to me anymore: Despite the fact that women must always be reassured by men that they are desirable for reasons other than their body, they must also be reassured by men that they are also desirable for their body. Women require physical attention, and reassuring words from men in order to feel secure in their physical desirability.
It would seem from the points above that there is just no pleasing women, that you can’t live with them, you can’t blah blah blah.
Oh, women! These points about dating women, about how to reassure them that they are sexy but not only sexy and on the whole that they are wanted by men, were obviously written by men. They are basically tips for men on how to calm the insecure and frivolous creature called woman; feel free to stop at this point to spit if you like.
The insecurities above, sadly, are those which are by far most frequently listed; and as I said, there are very few others that make any appearance at all.
Money and Career Insecurities
The following two insecurities do make a very small appearance (more of a walk-on than a speaking role):
- Money: A few women are, apparently, insecure about how much money they make. Obviously, like anyone else, they believe that making more money means that they are a better person.
- Career: A few women are also apparently concerned about their jobs; either that they simply don’t have a job, that they would like to have a better or more commonly respected job; or, they already have a good career but are insecure about their status in the company, their ability to climb the ladder, their male competition, etc.
In these last two, finally, we are no longer insulting women, and are placing them on an equal footing with men right?
Wrong. It’s true that men are also insecure about money and their careers (and actually, it is true that they are insecure about all of the other things listed above as well), but this isn’t enough to say that these last two insecurities are no longer insulting.
The statuses associated with how much money you make, and how respected your career is, are illusions, every bit as much as the long-legged blonde turquoise-eyed model/celebrity described above.
Creative and Intellectual Insecurity
The following two things are rarely mentioned which, certainly, some women are insecure about:
- Creative life: Certainly women are also insecure about the quality of their work as an artist, photographer, filmmaker, writer, or architect.
- Intellectual life: Certainly women are also insecure about their level of understanding of various esoteric intellectual matters such as math, physics, philosophy, economics, or critical social theory.
Without question women are insecure about the reception of their paintings, or of their newest novel; without question, they are insecure about their intellectual grasp of the notion of the Big Other, or the Preface to the Phenomenology of Spirit.
Why then, does a web search on this issue suggest that women care only about their bodies and about pleasing men? You should be angry, or, you should submit more content on the internet about what real women are really concerned about if only to try to beat back all of the meaningless spam about breast size and so on.
What are your biggest or most common insecurities? Share your thoughts in the comments and let's talk about this.
Sorry, but am I the onl yperson who thinks this is insane?
Why is intellectual, creative, and possibly career not at the top?
You're telling me all women everywhere do now is freak out about their appearance, age, and perennial fear of men?!
I really don't want to be sexist and am an individualist, but something is very very wrong if so many women are so insecure are so many many things that are so irrelevant to what life really is.
Believe in yourselves, love yourselves for who you are as people, be a good person in life, and stop being a wimp to yourself, you are surely stronger than that or we are all doomed. Accept and love yourself NOW.
Nice motivating words Jeff but women and man have different values and yes age and appearance is very important for us anywhere. Loved your last paragraph please tell this enthusiasticlally to every woman you meet.
Sarah
You're so wrong. Intelligence, career, and earnings should be at the very top of that list. I know I am extremely insecure about my intelligence. Sure, i'm somewhat insecure about my physical appearance, but isn't everyone? That insecurity could never overpower the insecurity of my personality. Obviously you're either a man, an angry feminist, or an immature teenager who has never met any mature women.
they did say this was a quick internet research, not their own opinions. making generalizations that this is either a man, and angry feminist, or an immature teenager who has never met any mature women is kindof unnecessary. Also, if you're implying that a mature woman wouldn't have this same list in her head than you must not get out much... maturity is not easily measured and certainly can not be measured by the insecurities they harbor or lack there of. I'm not trying to attack you and your statements, really, you are entitled to your opinion, I just thought that maybe you interpreted what they were saying in the wrong light
They claimed it was an internet research, but they did not provide any sources. For all we know they took this from someone equally misogynistic's blog!
As for measuring someone's maturity, I say what better thing to use than something they think about. Insecurities are an important part of a person's personality, and tell you an awful lot about someone. They shouldn't be overlooked, especially if they are more on the intellectual/ philosophical side of insecurities - not because those are any better, but because people's opinions and beliefs, reflected in their insecurities are a pretty decent way of judging the extent of a person's character.
Why are you so mad?
Outrightly correct to admit that values change when it comes to gender differences. Thus, to neglect the so-called 'irrelevant' aspects is to have little respect for the intent of the creator. Those aforementioned points are vital because they stand as bedrocks for the seemingly more important matters. Insecurity is insecurity, intelligence or eye colour notwithstanding. If we deal with those you call less important, you will observe astronomical improivements in those you call vital..
Great jobs everyone!
Ibukun
I'm insecure about my personality. Like, I like being nice and sweet and shy , but sometimes I want to be like the hilarious , daring , adventorous , friends-with-everyone type of person , but I DO have a fun side.
It's not just women, men are insecure too.
Men are insecure that their penius are not big and thick enough!!, men feel responcible for giving women pleasure. Understanderbly because the bigger, the better orgasum.
Men also worry that their girlfriend/wife will think of bigger men in bed.
Men are also insecure that they don't make enough money and all women will unconsiously precieve the man as a faliour if he's not on a six digit salary+. The more more money a man makes the better the provider, talking from an evoulitionary point of veiw.
Men are also insecure about their apperance. Women are attracted to men with a v body shape (think vin diesel) and men with symetrical faces because they have better genes to provide us with. Women always want and will ditch none alpha males.
I was waiting for point 15...ahaha
Well, to be completely honest, I didn't think you would have any arguments against you in the comment section. I like the "you need to stop generalizing and saying 'women always'" bahahahahaha. Just curious, what is your educational background? I'm guessing some sort of psychology? Men (who take psychology courses) always speak like you did...bahaha
You did a great job. I think women are also insecured about how their lives will turn out with the guy in the nearest future, that is better or worst?
I think even aging and dying alone for many is a fear.
For the most part, it all seems accurate. Except for "Brown eyes are the worst, probably because they are the most common." I totally disagree with you on that. Did you consider people who may naturally have brown eyes?
I think that Jeff here is correct. Women do think about careers and earning and such, although I think that thoseare the bigger things that they get to worry about when the time if right. On the other hand he said what women are insecure about, not their worried. There's a book called the four agreements, and it explains that we make agreements as children as to what makes sense (usually things our parents, teachers, religious leaders etc. say) such as 'billy has an overactive imagination, sorry he makes up stories!' So therefore billy will have a choice whether or not he agrees, and he usually does. Now boot is an exaggerating story teller.
From my own personal life dealing with insecurities, as a teenager I cared more about my looks, insecure with my weight and image and breast size. But I was also abused emotionally at school so it would only make sense that I'd question my own self and compare myself as a defense. When I eventually got over my off and on anorexia phases I stopped caring about what other people thought of me. Now as a new adult and going to get married in a few months, it's more on the lines of insecurities about sex, career, money and creativity.
It's funny, I'm interested in a woman who I'm not even really dating yet, and she has, in the 5 months I've known her, indicated a concern about ALL of the above items except eye color, height, creativity, and intellectual life.
Women are insecure about their appearance and age because most men care about these things, a lot. Many men look for intelligence and personality in women but will only consider having a relationship with them if they are sufficiently attractive, of the right age and good in bed. How many of you men would consider dating a women if she is a great person but is not attractive and/or over certain age?
I think times are changing, you will find that alot of women are just jealous of what they dont have. For example- the blonde women wishes she has dark hair, the dark haired women wishes she had blonde hair.........i would agree about men and natural selection, however your theory is proved wrong because alot of men actually marry Asian women and more exotic looking women because they get sick of blondes and women with more 'common' features such as light brown hair.....also, men who are anglo saxon tend to think their own types of women is very common looking compared to more exotic nationalities, and men from exotic nationalites sometimes prefer blonde, brown haired women because their women might be considered common in asia, etc......so, different people like different looks in women.......what one man likes, is what another man hates.
I could not agree more. I have worked in the sex industry in the past as a bartender. Yes I said it. Bars are glorified meat markets. The men I have met in those places are almost always looking for something the complete opposite of what they have at home. I think that this is an evolutionary and genetic trait past down through the ages to keep incest down to a minimum. Just my humble opinion.
Fear & insecurities sometimes revolve around survival. Necessary needs such as food, water, & shelter are important resources to maintain. These are real securities that won't go away so easy., such as wants or desires.
Women constantly stare at themselves in the mirror, obsessing over any red bumps they find on their face and other parts of their bodies. Women worry more about acne than men do, which is why half the time we load up on tons of makeup just to cover up the unwanted little bumps or scars. Blemishes suck, but unfortunately, many women have to deal with the extreme amount of them and we try just about anything to hide them or get rid of them. Did you know that resorting to covering your blemishes up with makeup can, in fact, make it worse? Acne is something that a lot of women feel insecure about and often we will hide away in our bedrooms until the darn things go away. Some women, the curse of acne is worse and there really isn't anything you can do to get rid of them. Suggestion, washing your face when you wake up and before you go to bed is something that can reduce acne. By using warm water over the affected area to rinsing with cold water, this helps alleviate the swelling. Many women hate talking about their acne because to them it is embarrassing and isn't exactly a topic they want to share with others. But we must remember that beauty and youth are only temporary, women should be gravitating towards simplicity instead, we worry about how we look and the amount of makeup we need to cover up our true beauty.
I disagree on the hair/eye color thing. IMHO, green eyes are much more unique and set apart than blue… which is actually fairly common.
I have witnessed many times in the course of my lifetime where a green eyed brunette with an olive skin tone who is intelligent and confident (without being cocky or fake) has stricken intimidation into men and other women alike… without even trying, just simply by “being“.
Sit back and pay attention if you run across such a person.
Hi I would like to share my insecurities from my experiences which I know is a problem but can't control the way I feel. . . . I'm a honest person so I Will share all mine's. . . . . My biggest is women e.g. if a man I'm with wants to watch porn and compliments other women but feel hard to compliment and make your own women feel special) why do men do this ? . . . . This makes me feel so worthless that i rather be single then mentally and emotionally frustrated and always feeling like I'm not good enough. 2 . Is financially not good enough for my family. . 3 . . . My appearances I feel like I'm so ugly and don't have a figure men are so attracted to . . . . 4 . Treating me as a child like I'm so dom to face life and the list can go on but . . . . The 1st one is one I really really go into a depressing with that I can't bare. . . . I would really like to learn how many more women out there have this kind of feeling coz right now I feel like I'm loosing my mind when a man can't understand and respect me 😢
If your man compliments other women but not you, then there is some big problem with that man. You deserve a man who treat you well! You will find the one, don't settle for less.
Time to play by the man's rules. Men can easily be replaced with a vibrator. What can a man do to us over the internet? When he judges, let's give him a swift kick in the ass.
Man: Women ought to have bigger boobs.
Woman: I can say the same about your package
.
Man: Women get fat as they age.
Woman: Not like your hairy beer belly aged well
Man: Model women are 5'8" and have longer legs
Women: Model men are 6" taller and have big muscles
Man: I only love blonde haired, blue eyed women.
Woman: I noticed you were no Brad Pitt, yourself.
Man: I only need you for sex.
Woman: That's one more thing than I need you for.
Who hurt you?
Re: intellectual and creative insecurities
I don’t think most women meant that they’re worried about not understanding very high-brow philosophy or the success of their latest novel or art gallery show as you wrote.
I think they merely meant that they worry they are coming across as dumb and/or boring, which unfortunately many men complain about, especially if the men are smart, especially in this age where many women spend their whole lives gazing down at their phones and often caring too much about celebrities instead of developing an interesting personality.