I know it's not easy to be in love or have a crush on someone who has a girlfriend. I've been there! It's an instinct for us, humans, to want what we can't have. So it can be tempting to try and get your guy away from his current relationship.
The shortest advice I have for you is don't get too invested in this guy, because he is taken after all. That way if he never breaks up with his girl, your heart won't be broken like it would.
When you think about it, we don't get to choose who we meet in life, let alone who we grow feelings for. Life can be complicated, and the Universe throws you obstacles in all aspects of your life to test your patience, morals, creativity, and judgment.
Wanting someone off-limits is a challenge within itself, but how you look at the scenario could greatly benefit you in your sticky situation. Romance comes in many shapes and forms, but the outcome varies on your emotional decisions.
What to do if you really like or in love with a man who has a girlfriend
As a general rule, follow these 8 steps for the best outcome:
1. Respect that he’s taken and move on
This is a hard one. It’s not easy to give up on someone you really like or love even, but it's important to respect him by not ruining his relationship.
2. Stay friends in case he becomes single
If you are patient enough, it can be a possibility to stay friends with him in case he becomes available again.
3. Find someone else to be happy with
Don’t let your heart break. Find someone else to be happy with, you deserve it!
4. Don't follow him on social media
Do yourself a favor and don't spy on him. You'll just find it hard to stop thinking about him, and then you will never be happy.
5. Do not become the other woman
Don't put yourself in a position to be used as his mistress or side chick. It's not worth it.
6. Find something to keep yourself busy
This way, you will stop thinking about him. It also opens the opportunity to find someone else in the process.
7. Work on yourself
It's not easy to get over someone, but you’ll start feeling better if you work on yourself.
8. Break off all contact
You don't want to be reminded of him everyday. Stay strong and break off all contact with him.
Examining different situations you can find yourself when he has a girlfriend
Now let's talk about the following scenarios to understand better how to deal with the fact that the guy you like or love has a girlfriend.
If he is happy in his current relationship
Typically, you either sit tight and hope the relationship might end soon or move on.
If the guy is happy with his girlfriend, then there's no reason to make things awkward by confessing your feelings. If you choose to pursue this guy, know that it won't be easy and likely will not end in a happy manner.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly:
- Is it worth the trouble?
- How deep is my commitment?
- How long will I wait?
- Am I ready to face the consequences either if you get the guy or not?
- Would I be okay with the breakup?
Also, know that you can always find a different guy who is single and is waiting for you. I promise!
If he's flirty
There's a difference between sparked feelings and prowling for attention. You may be stepping into dangerous territory if he's constantly showing you that he is interested in you even though he has a girlfriend.
He's already showing you a side of him you may not like later down the road.
Consider his attitude and approach towards your friendship. Does he value you? And then consider his relationship with his girlfriend. Does he value her?
Some guys are searching for an ego boost, and others find new connections accidentally. Most importantly, what does this all mean to you? Ask yourself if you could see yourself happily being flirty friends with no benefits?
If he hasn't mentioned he has a girlfriend to you directly or honestly, be alarmed that he's capable of keeping something so important from you. There will be more of where that came from.
If you two have history
You may still have feelings for him from the past, and it's disappointing that you can't have him.
Or can you?
If he also still has feelings for you, consider what keeps you both in this indecisive place in your relationship. Both of you playing cat and mouse while other people's feelings in between are at risk is a recipe for disaster.
Come clean and share how you feel about one another and discuss where you stand. If the feeling isn't mutual, don't torture yourself by getting closer to someone who isn't available; if they moved on, it's time that you do the same.
If you just met him
You just so happened to have feelings for a guy you met and were unpleasantly surprised to find that someone got there first.
Do you even acknowledge your feelings at this point? Probably not, but if you wish to clear the air and get the elephant out of the room, honesty is critical. Otherwise, crossing a boundary could backlash on you.
If you're stuck in this position and your feelings continue to grow, you now have a new crush. Be careful not to become obsessive and try to manipulate your way into his life. Love should come naturally.
If you feel that you can be friends with him without your feelings getting in the way, then do as you will with respect to his relationship's boundaries.
If your feelings are too overwhelming, being around this person isn't going to make it better. Find ways to spend less time with him and be mindful of your actions and feelings when you have to be.
Wrapping it up
Whichever category you fall under, you should wait until you have the clearance to make a move on your preoccupied guy. Having feelings is something you can't control, but your actions are 100% up to you.
It would be best if you didn't pursue anyone who has chosen to be with someone else. You have to value yourself much higher. Be a high value woman!
If this guy can't get you off his mind, his heart will search for yours, but you shouldn't wait around in hope and fantasy if he is invested in his relationship. Take care of yourself first by learning to look at your scenario clearly.
It may not be easy emotionally, but it's best to come to terms that a person you have feelings for is off-limits to begin the process of letting go of these feelings.
You do this by facing the truth.
If you can achieve a healthy friendship that upholds the necessary boundaries of their relationship, that's great! It's important to value yourself by understanding your position in people's lives.
If you're in a situation where you're being led on with promises, save yourself the drama and choose for yourself. Don't allow him to keep you waiting.
Sinking deeper into what you can't have is a danger zone of pain.
It's strange how love comes and goes. Love has mysterious timing, and other times, it can be a one-way street. Trust in divine timing. If it's meant to be, it will be; otherwise, there is a lesson somewhere in the experience that you'll later notice.
Feelings are temporary, don't let them rule you.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.