When a guy ignores you after an argument it's really frustrating, especially if you're not sure what to do about it.
So, I'm going to give you some tips on how to handle this type of situation.
We all know that they can be difficult at times, but it is important to learn how to deal with the situation and not let him run your life.
Running into the occasional argument in a relationship is completely normal. Having two different perspectives can be a challenge, especially when emotions are involved.
This is typically helping the growth within a relationship, expressing your different views to meet a new understanding. This is what an argument truly is when you flesh out the anger and tension. You two could learn a lot when hearing each other’s side. At times, an argument can escalate into chaos, allowing you to discover who your partner truly is.
When tensions arise, it’s healthy to get some needed space to cool off.
Clearing your head for healthy communication is one thing, but what about when he straight up ignores you?
Why do guys ignore you after an argument?
Ignoring someone after an argument is a way of punishing them for what they did wrong, or how they acted during the fight. In some cases, guys don't intentionally ignore you because they're trying to punish you. It's just that they feel hurt and upset by what happened during your fight.
According to philosophy writer Ashley James, when male emotions are triggered, a battle is going on within him that he can barely explain. The male ego learns its standards from a primitive time, which strains out feminine qualities, leaving them emotionally scarred and a short fuse.
By the time they’ve grown adults, they’ll only be able to deal with their emotions however they feel best and nothing more. There isn’t usually any exploring of their emotional selves later in life.
Experiencing confrontation can cause their ego to think or feel weakness. This triggers them to adjust to a position of power or weakness. Gaining their emotional control back is a fight within themselves.
So typically, when they spend extra time away not talking with you, they just may not be able to handle their emotions around you.
It's also important to note that in some cases guys use this as a manipulative tactic. More on that later.
When a guy ignores you after an argument
Here are some important tips to remember when your boyfriend or husband is ignoring you after a fight.
1. Step back and analyze the situation
Look at the situation logically and objectively. Have you been dating for a while, and is this the first time you've had a fight? If so, it's possible that your partner was just trying to "cool off" by not responding or was simply too busy to respond.
However, if you're in a long-term relationship and arguments are more than common occurrences, then there may be something more going on. The difficulty lays in identifying what that problem might be. Does your man fear commitment? Is he feeling challenged or disrespected? Does he feel as though your relationship is progressing too slowly for his tastes? Is there someone else involved?
If your relationship has been going well before the fight then most likely everything will be fine once both of you cool down and stop being so emotional about it all.
More questions to ask yourself:
Do you argue a lot? Do you find that your boyfriend ignores you when things are tense or after an argument? Does he seem to ignore the topics that are important to you? Do you think he does this because he wants to hurt and make it feel like it's not important?
Try to figure out what might be causing your man not to respond. If you can't pinpoint the cause, it's time to step back and take a look at your relationship as a whole.
Speak with a friend or family member about your relationship and see what they think the problem is. Chances are, they won't see eye-to-eye with you and will offer a different perspective than what you believe.
2. No contact after argument
Don't give in to temptation and contact him. If he wants to talk, he will initiate the conversation; don't be tempted to call or text him just because you're worried that something may have happened to him. Sure, it may seem like an eternity before he gets in touch with you, but it's better than contacting him and coming off desperate or clingy — which is the opposite of attractive and will only make things worse in the end.
I know it can be painful to sit back and wait, but it's actually a wise thing to do. If you contact him, you'll be giving him the power over when the conversation takes place, and he'll be able to turn things around to make it seem like it was your fault.
Before contacting your man, take a few days where you don't speak with him at all — no matter how much this hurts. It's important that he get used to not having his every need met in the relationship and learn to miss you. This will make things so much easier for both of you down the road.
3. Evaluate how frequently he ignores you
It's important to think about how often your guy ignores you.
If the answer is that he does it all the time, then you probably need to find a different boyfriend or be prepared for more of this behavior in the future.
If this happens frequently then it's going to start hurting your self-esteem too.
If you're in a relationship with someone who consistently ignores your texts, messages, and calls without any explanation or excuse for their actions it might be time to seriously reconsider whether they are The One.
If you have a guy who doesn't always ignore you but only does it sometimes, then the next step is to figure out what triggered this behavior.
Is there something going on in his life that he's not telling you about? Has your man been stressed at work or school for the past few months and has now reached breaking point?
He may be feeling insecure about something; if this is the case then you need to find ways of making him feel more secure around yourself by reassuring him constantly with kind words and gentle touches. You also need to give each other space as well when needed - make sure both of you are getting enough time alone together so that neither one feels like they're suffocating from too much intimacy.
4. Don't jump to conclusions too early and try not to assume
Women tend to over-react when they have a fight with their man. We get very emotional and sometimes we behave in an irrational manner.
When your man ignores you after an argument, there is no need to panic or jump to conclusions immediately. It's important that you don't make any assumptions at this point, because if you do, chances are that you will be wrong about what he is thinking or feeling.
When men are upset they don't want to talk about it right away. They need time to cool off before they can communicate properly again. This is why many women jump to conclusions too early and assume the worst.
So it's very important not to jump to conclusions too early, because men and women are different animals. They behave differently when they are arguing, so the same actions may or may not work for a man.
You can’t control how your man reacts during the argument but it’s possible to control how YOU react afterwards.
After an argument, it's natural to wonder if there is something wrong with him. It's also natural to feel frustrated because you want to know what's going on.
However, before you rush to judgment and lash out at him again with more anger or coldness, ask yourself: has anything changed in the relationship? Is there something new that is causing friction between us?
The first thing you should do is give him some time before you jump too far into assumptions about his behavior or whether or not he still loves you.
Make sure that before anything else happens, there are no secrets hiding in the shadows of your relationship that could destroy what you have together.
5. Let him know that you're not going anywhere
No matter what has happened between you two in the past or how mad he seems now, remind him that you love him and want things to work out for both of you. Acknowledge what led up to this moment and what triggered his anger so there is less room for miscommunication down the line.
Let him know that even if things seem bad now, they could always get better between the two of you. Remind him that a relationship is worth fighting for and being in one is not something anyone should take lightly.
Tell him that regardless of whatever it was he did or didn’t do, or however mad he may be at the moment, there are still things worth saving in your relationship together.
Related: If you ignore a guy how does he feel
One of the best ways to get back on track with your guy is by showing him that you are there for him. This will make his anger seem less relevant and he'll be more willing to talk about what's bothering him as opposed to shutting down the discussion altogether. For example, say something like "I know we're having a hard time right now, but I want to work things out."
If he is not willing to answer your questions, try using empathy as a way of breaking through his anger.
As an example, you could say "I can imagine how hard this is for you right now." Then you can continue saying "I want to help you get through this."
Be patient, and do not assume that he's trying to shut down all discussion. He may be overwhelmed by how difficult the situation is for him right after an argument. Give him space if he wants it, but also try talking with him again in a few hours or so.
6. Give him space to miss you
He might need time to think things through a little bit more and he may need some space from the fight in order to do that. In another article, I wrote about how long should you give him space, check it out too.
If you give him the space he needs and if he still loves you then he will come back. He will realize how much he misses you and won't want to be apart from you any longer.
The psychology behind this is that we need to feel a sense of control in order to be able to forgive. If you make him feel like he has some power and feels that he is the one who should come back, then it will be easier for him to apologize or accept your apology because he'll think it was his idea all along.
I know it's hard to take the time and space from someone you love but it will be worth it because eventually, he may come back.
Think about it this way:
If you're the one that needs space, would you want him to come back right away and act as if nothing happened?
I'm not saying to do this all the time because then he may get tired of feeling like he has no power in your relationship but doing this every now and again will be worth it when he comes back.
If your man is a true gentleman then he'll take responsibility for what happened between both of you and apologize to you.
7. Do not try and convince him of anything while he is still mad at you
If he doesn't want to listen, don't try and convince him of anything while he is still mad at you. This will send mixed signals and make it seem like you are only trying to control things or that what he feels doesn't matter as much as what you are feeling.
Be a little patient.
Give him time alone so that he can cool down and think through the situation without distractions from his emotions getting in the way. When this happens, men tend to become more reasonable because they have had time away from their anger.
If necessary, tell him that until things calm down between the two of you that both parties should refrain from talking about whatever issue caused the fight so as not to upset each other further.
When a couple is in the middle of an argument, both parties are usually so caught up in their own emotions that they forget to think about how the other person feels. This can lead to hurt feelings and even more arguments later on.
8. Use this time for self-growth
This can be difficult when you're feeling neglected or frustrated, but it will help keep your head clear and give space for the other person so they have a chance to regroup as well.
This could mean taking a walk by yourself, meditating, thinking about your goals in life, doing an activity that makes you happy on your own (going out with friends doesn't count!), reading something that is relaxing and enjoyable- whatever feels good! In the same way as we need food to survive- our mind also needs care from us if we want it to function properly.
Meditation is an exceptional form of self-care that helps you to focus on your thoughts and feelings.
Guided meditation is a great way to start for beginners, as it allows you the space and time to learn how you feel without judgement. Plus guided meditations are usually around 30 minutes long - which is enough time to release stress in just one sitting!
9. Hang out with friends and family
Don't hide your feelings by isolating yourself. Hang out with friends and family to distract you for a while.
Hanging out will take your mind off of things, it's not healthy to stay home all the time when you're upset or hurt over something that happened.
Your friends can also help you to keep the no-contact rule.
When I was in your shoes, after the argument with my boyfriend, I decided to hang out with my friends all day. It helped me forget about what happened between us because it felt like they were all there for me when he wasn't. They always listened to me talk about how upset I was and then cheered me up by telling jokes or planning our next adventure together.
Related: How to ignore him psychology
10. Apologize if you said something you didn't mean
If you said something in anger, apologize to your man for any hurtful things you may have said and then see what he says back to you with an open mind!
Often times when people are angry they say things that don't reflect how they feel deep down.
So there is no shame in apologizing for something you said without thinking!
If he doesn't want to speak with you, that's ok too. Give him space and time to cool off before reaching out again.
The more calm and collected the two of you can be, the quicker this will pass on it's own. Sometimes a good night's sleep is all we need after a big fight.
Then talk about why the argument happened again one day - but only once both individuals have had time to let it all sink in and calm down.
11. Buy him a gift or cook for him to show you are sorry
If you really want to win your man back and show that you are sorry, try buying him a gift or cooking for him (but also don't forget to apologize).
This will make it seem like you are putting in an effort to get on his good side again. Chances are he’ll forgive the argument if he feels appreciated by what you did.
You don't have to buy an expensive present or prepare an entire gourmet meal, just do something kind for him and you'll be surprised how far that goes.
Guys love it when their significant other takes the time to do something for them. If he really loves you like you love him, he'll forgive all of your flaws.
12. Wait no more than 3 days
If your man continue to ignore you completely for more than 3 days, it may be best to try and move on.
When a guy ignores you after an argument for that long, it means he doesn't love you. There is no excuse for this type of behavior other than that.
I know it's hard to move on without any answers, but it will be worth getting over him. You worth more than this! A high value woman deserves better than this.
My boyfriend is ignoring me after a fight what should I do?
Your best bet is to assume that he is terrified of their emotions as well as yours. This doesn’t make it okay, of course, but it’s important to recognize that it can be easy to blame yourself for their behavior in these moments. These are typically emotional battles within themselves when a reaction like this occurs. When a guy ignores you after a fight, it’s best to remember and understand your true value, because that will most likely be the first thing you question about yourself.
Is there something you could’ve done differently? Or better? Was it something you said? This is projection at its finest. Take a step back and ask yourself haven’t you done all that you could? How much has he tried?
Put your present reality into perspective rather than your feelings. And most importantly, try to avoid pleasing them in a way that will, in turn, hurt you. You want to be supportive, but mostly you want to feel comfortable.
Take some time for yourself and gather your thoughts. Don’t search for more confrontation. You don’t want a chain reaction.
If you feel that your relationship could use a little extra intimacy or vulnerability, write a letter about how the distance between you two is making you feel.
Explain how you’d like to move forward. If you feel that his attitude/actions have been disrespectful to you, you should save yourself some humility and lose contact with this person. Enduring disrespect in hope of reconnecting with someone should never be tolerated.
What if he CONTINUES ignoring you?
So, the argument is over, you’ve had your time to settle down, but you both seem to be stuck in the same place, actually worse… he’s blatantly ignoring you!
If this truly is a healthy relationship, you should be able to get through eventually. Your relationship may not be perfect, but it does require respect and understanding.
If you are at fault, maybe you need to apologize. You may have hurt him in a way that even he doesn’t understand. Try to empathize with what he may be experiencing on his end if you haven’t already.
If you feel that you are being shut out from him, that’s another situation. There’s a fine line between sensitivity and stonewalling.
The psychology term: stonewalling involves refusing to communicate with another person. This is when a person intentionally shuts down during or after an argument, also known as the silent treatment. This can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship.
And in turn, leads to confusion, and rightfully so. Suddenly being shut out of someone’s life may feel criminalizing, especially when you care for them intimately.
You may think that you did something wrong or everything is ‘your fault.’ This is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
When you start to feel like what you say doesn’t matter, and you can’t seem to move on or find a middle ground, things become toxic. There should never be this much friction in a relationship.
When someone loves you, they should want to be happy for you.
Use these 12 tips as a guide on what to do when he ignored you after a heated argument. It won't be easy but it might just save your relationship or marriage from ending in divorce!
If you are sure you have not hurt him, but he still ignores you for a long time, remember that you are worth more than that. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect by the man in your life.
There is no reason for him to continue being mean or dismissive towards you after an argument if he truly loves you.
If he doesn't change his ways, then maybe he isn't right for you anyway.
In the other hand, if you've hurt him, give him some time then apologize and speak to him about the issue.
I hope that this article has helped open up some new perspectives on how to move forward.
Good luck with getting through this tough time and I hope everything works out for you two soon!
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Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.