When you're mad at your boyfriend, you have a few options.
You can be mad and then move on, or you can stay angry for days. Or you could get even more enraged than that if you don't settle it with him.
Contrary to popular belief, a relationship is not a bed of roses. It's not always rainbows and butterflies. And one of the most challenging situations you're going to face is when you're mad at your man. This is where most problems start, which is why you need to know what to do when you start feeling upset with him.
You see, when you're angry at your boyfriend, it almost always leads to an argument. And with your emotions running high, it's not always going to be easy to rationalize, and therefore resolve the conflict. This will not help you in your goal to grow old together.
This leads us to the question of "what to do when you're upset with your guy." I have come up with some tips that can help you get through this difficult situation.
Related: What to do when your boyfriend is mad at you
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE MAD AT YOUR BOYFRIEND
TALK IT OUT WITH HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
Whenever you're mad, take some deep breaths and try to calm yourself down before talking about it. You don't want to say anything that might make things worse or cause more arguments. So instead, just talk to him calmly and rationally. You can even use body language to express how you really feel.
Related: How to Let a Guy Know You're Mad at Him Through Text
It is always better to talk it out rather than to ignore it and hope the feeling goes away. Why? Because it only gets repressed. And the next time you feel angry, it's going to come out and rear its ugly head. However, it won't be the faint irritation you felt the last time. It will develop into something worse.
This is why it is important to deal with everything as they come. Try not to put it away. It won't help you in the long run, even if it does feel like it at the moment.
Ignoring deeper feelings doesn't work either because eventually, those feelings are going to surface again. They may seem small now, but they could become huge later on. If you wait until then, it would probably be too late.
Feelings are there for a reason. It doesn't make you too sensitive or too crazy when you feel them. It makes you human.
If you deal with your anger immediately, it won't be an issue anymore down the road. For instance, you felt angry because your boyfriend forgot about your birthday. If you tell him how you feel, he can apologize right away and make it right for you. But if you let it go without saying anything, chances are you'll still be thinking about it days after.
Related: What to do when your boyfriend ignores you after an argument
His reason, whatever it is, will not excuse his behavior, of course. However, it does allow you an opportunity to decide to forgive him for it and give him another chance since that was his first offense. He will, of course, have to crawl and beg for your forgiveness. Once he does, and you decide to forgive him, your anger will disappear. Not a bad idea, right?
This kind of anger cleanses instead of poisons. If you deal with potentially explosive situations like this, you should be able to bet on the longevity of your relationship. You see, this practice targets the bad behavior- the thing that made you angry. It doesn't include all of his other offenses or his personality.
It solves and puts out the fire instead of making things worse. So that the next time you get angry with him, you won't be pulling out all the other mistakes he's made because you've already settled those. You can start fresh if you talk it out.
DON'T GO TO SLEEP ANGRY
I can't count how many times I've heard this advice before. I never put much stock in it until I got into a relationship of my own. Only then did I realize how much sense it made.
When you feel angry, you have to let it out. There is no such thing as keeping it to yourself because it feels nonsensical. You're feeling it for a reason. This doesn't mean that you need to immerse yourself in it so you can feel more outrage than need be. It means you need to deal with it as soon as possible, so it doesn't build up.
While it's true that some people like to have space when they're angry, this doesn't mean that you're going to have to sleep on the problem and with your anger for a week before you can finally talk about it. Yes, you need space, but only enough to be clear-headed and level-minded when you do talk it out.
You may have to be up for the rest of the night talking it out, but staying up won't hurt you much. What will definitely hurt you is if you sleep on the problem. Sleeping it off is equivalent to avoiding it altogether. When you sleep, you let go of the previous day so that when you wake up, you'll feel refreshed and renewed.
Once you wake up, you're automatically reformatted. You get a new perspective. What seemed totally upsetting behavior yesterday will feel okay by the time you wake up the next day. This is why some people like to use this to avoid dealing with problems.
But you felt upset for a reason. You have got to trust yourself that much. Passing it off as something lesser disregards your angry feelings and your emotional intelligence. Don't dismiss yourself and your own emotions out of hand. That's not healthy. What's healthy is dealing with the problem, no matter how unpleasant it seems, so that you can put it away before you go to sleep.
REMEMBER THAT YOU LOVE HIM
While you're angry with him about something, remember that he's your guy and that you love him. Of course, this doesn't mean he gets a pass every time he messes up. It only means that you need to hear him out the same way he does when you make mistakes. This is what being in a healthy relationship means- growing together. It is only natural that you make mistakes along the way, but you also need to learn how to deal with them in the most effective way possible.
So when you talk things out with him before you go to sleep, try to remember that you're angry, mostly because you love him. If someone else you barely know messed up like that, you wouldn't care. You only care now because you love this guy. And you want him to make things right.
So don't hurt him by hurling insults and calling him names that once you've said, you cannot take back. It would only lead to a broken relationship. Focus on his offense and how it made you feel. And since you know him (probably better than he knows himself), talk to him in the most effective way. Try not to make him defensive and angry in turn. Because while a good shouting match feels good, it's also counterproductive.
WORK FOR IT
After reading this article, you may be thinking that it all seems like too much work. I am here to tell you that a committed relationship does take a lot of work. But it is worthwhile.
Think about it this way; if you do your best trying to make your relationship work, you'll have a partner at the end of it. Someone to share your burdens with, and someone to love you for the rest of your life. It seems like a good deal.
If you work for it and it doesn't work out, you'll have heartache plus a ton of experience without an ounce of regret. You won't have to look back and feel guilty, shameful, or regretful because you already did your best. The fact that it didn't work out is not on you anymore. It's a win-win situation.
Know your emotions, but don't lose control of your emotions. Process your actual feeling, and work things out with your boyfriend. Trust me, it's all worth it.
Why do I get mad at my boyfriend for little things
The answer lies within yourself. Your problem is that you expect your boyfriend to read your mind. To understand exactly what you mean when you say something vague or ambiguous. This is impossible. Even if he were psychic, he wouldn’t be able to guess every single thing you want from him. If you truly wanted to communicate effectively, then you need to start by communicating clearly.
The first step is to stop being vague. Instead of telling your boyfriend “I hate you right now”, try explaining why you’re upset. Let him know exactly what you dislike about his actions. Don’t just throw around words like ‘hate’ and ‘mad’. Explain how these feelings affect you. For example, instead of simply stating “You left the toilet seat up”, explain how leaving the toilet seat up makes you feel.
Related: Why Does My Boyfriend Hate Me & What Can I Do About It?
Stop expecting your boyfriend to read your thoughts. He can only hear so much before he gets confused. So, unless you’ve been having some sort of telepathic communication going on between you two, chances are he hasn’t heard everything you said.
How to stop getting mad at my boyfriend over little things
Here is how to stop getting angry at your boyfriend over insignificant things:
- Learn how to calm yourself
- Get to know your quirks
- Be more aware of your feelings and behavior
- Don’t take everything personally
- Communicate clearly
- Forget passive-aggressive behavior
- Accept that your partner can't satisfy all of your needs
- Don't jump to conclusions about your partner too soon
- Treat yourself with compassion and love
- Love your boyfriend with all his flaws
Summing it up
In summary, there are many ways to handle genuine anger issues in relationships. Some methods involve talking things over calmly, others require more physical action. There are even times where one person needs to leave the room until they calm down enough to listen again.
Just keep working towards making yourself and your relationship better.
P.S: Please note that I'm not saying that you should never get mad at your significant other ever again. Just that you shouldn't let a burst of anger consume you. Anger isn't always destructive; sometimes it's necessary. When you're feeling really pissed off, it helps to vent those bottled-up frustrations. However, there are times when letting loose will actually cause more harm than good.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.
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