Dating a married man comes with its own set of problems. Becoming the other woman is not what most women want to do. Still, it's something that has happened in many relationships and marriages over time.
We all know what they say about how we don't get to choose for whom we fall for. This is, in essence, true. No matter how much we describe the perfect man for us, we almost always end up falling for someone completely opposite.
Or perhaps, if we're really unlucky, we'll fall for a married man. And no matter how careless one is, she will surely feel guilty in the depths of her heart.
But hey, we can only avoid temptation for so long. If the married man is truly attractive, and he makes it clear that he is open to a relationship with you, who are you to say no, right? Maybe he's separated from his wife, or perhaps he's truly unhappy in his marriage. Perhaps he'd sold you his sob story, and you bought it when he cried- who am I to judge, right?
And then you get feelings. When we get to the point where we care for and about the other person, it won't matter whether he's married or not. What will matter is how you both feel for one another. Maybe to you, a wife on the side is not that big of a deal, especially if you both have decided to see each other and grow feelings for one another.
Getting caught in the moment is one thing, but sex is different from catching feelings. Feelings make the whole thing more complicated. If it was just sex, no-frills, it would be a lot easier to deal with the aftermath.
And believe me, there will be one heck of a mess. Getting tangled with a married man will never end well for you.
Related: How Do You Get Over a Married Man
At the very least, you'll get caught, and then you'll break up. At the most, you could end up married to him. However, you still won't be too happy knowing he was constantly cheating his ex-wife with you.
Now, let's weigh the pros and cons of dating a married man so you can decide if it's worth the risk.
Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date A Married Man
The fact that he's married should stop you in your tracks. He didn't get married on his own. He has a partner in life whom he promised to love and cherish in front of witnesses. Anyone with a conscience will not even think about going out with him.
He's the forbidden fruit in Adam and Eve's paradise. And you know how that ended.
Now, say you don't plan on catching feelings, and he's purely a booty call to you. If this was the case, wouldn't it be best to get another stand-in to do your regular plumbing?
A married man makes things complicated. And yes, perhaps the fact that he's married is what draws you to him, but still. Find a single, healthy specimen. If you can attract a married man, surely you can attract other more attractive and more available men.
Related: Why Am I Always the Other Woman?
If you do end up falling for him, you won't be happy in the end. Falling in love means you can feel, and if you can do that for him, you can surely empathize with his wife and kids (if any).
Imagine that happening to you and your family. How will you feel? Yes, that's how they feel right now.
For some people, cheating is not that big of an issue. Maybe they don't subscribe to the whole commitment thing or to the whole marriage institution. However, if he is married, that means he does believe in the ideal, right? Which means he's cheating on his wife with you.
What if you catch feelings for this married guy, and he ends up leaving his wife for you? Will you start living happily ever after then, knowing as you do, that he loves you? Well, he did leave his wife for you, so he must, right? Try convincing yourself that every night when you can't sleep because you're swimming in guilt.
But if he could toss his wife away just like that, how likely is it that it won't happen again- this time, to you? If you're thinking like a truly paranoid mistress, you'll be imagining him meeting with another woman and having drinks with her the same way you guys did before.
Remember this- he tossed his wife for you. They were married. You're just his girlfriend, the other woman. How are you any safer from becoming another trash?
If you're the kind of girl who likes to live on the edge, maybe you'll find dating a married man exciting. At least at first. You'll eventually realize that excitement is a feeling you only get at the onset. It wears off. And when it does, all that's left is guilt, or maybe boredom.
If you're a bit jaded, you'll find it tiresome in the end. You will also realize that he's just like any other man, only worse, in a way because he couldn't keep a promise to his wife.
If you're young and innocent yet, you'll be weighed down by so much guilt that even your excitement or feelings will not be able to erase it. And it's not just guilt; it is also the constant tiptoeing around the other person. You can't just blatantly be in a relationship with a married guy. You both have got to be discreet.
So you'll basically be sneaking around. And yes, maybe you can keep it up for a month. But by next month, it'll be a chore. And you'll end up asking yourself this: "Was it worth it?"
A relationship cannot survive without mutual trust and respect. A proper marriage will need both to sustain its momentum. Now, a man who turns away from his wife to engage in sexual activities outside of his marriage is disrespectful to his wife, his kids (if any), and his marriage.
All relationships need trust and respect, even yours and the married man's secret romance. Even if it was just sex, you'd still need to, at the very least, like and respect the other person. But how can you do that with a blatantly obvious liar?
Even if you fancy yourself in love with this married guy, it won't last. Because no matter how much you want to beautify it up, he's just another disrespectful, lying pig. And he's not dragging you to bathe in his sins. You're dancing there naked all on your own. So you can't blame him. Both of you are to blame.
Reasons Why You Should Date A Married Man
You Have Commitment-Phobia
Perhaps, you're one of those people who know better, but you can't help yourself from doing it anyway. For you, this is the uncomplicated way of being yourself and being happy, which is kind of a paradox.
If commitments and relationships scare you, this could be rooted in trauma, about which you can talk to a therapist. Regardless of the root, if you have convinced yourself that commitments are evil and wrong and you want to avoid them as much as possible, then perhaps you've come to the married man solution.
A married man who wants to cheat on his wife with you is probably not a cheating first-timer. It's more than likely that he's done it before. And seeing as he hasn't left his wife, he probably won't. Maybe she's got a rich daddy, or maybe she's the perfect wife (according to his family), and so on.
Regardless of the reasons, you know he won't leave his wife. Which means he's not looking for a happily-ever-after with you. He wants whatever you can give him- no more, no less. And you want the same.
In this situation, you both like the answers to each other's questions. You'll both feel safe in the knowledge that you won't ask for more. In this scenario, you suit each other very well.
You Have Issues
While your issues are your own and no one else's, let's face it, they do get in the way of relationships. So maybe you've wrecked a lot of guys' hearts because of your issues, and you don't want to ruin someone else's life. Well then, this is the thing for you!
Dating a married guy could be more advantageous to you than to him. In this scenario, you won't have to feel guilty about hurting the guy's feelings and making him feel like shit, seeing as he's already doing that to his wife.
You can also calm your low self-esteem and assure it that you're getting exactly the kind of love you think you deserve. If you believe you're a toxic person in need of another toxic person to share some poison with, get yourself a married guy and go to town.
You can even soothe your evil conscience by the fact that apart from ruining your own life, you're also wrecking a home and a family. His wife, I'm sure, will not think kindly about being cheated on. So if you think you don't deserve to be happy, then you can celebrate your downward spiral by dating a married man.
You Like Bad Boys
Alright, maybe you have a thing for bad boys. So, instead of getting down and dirty with a man who's wearing leather all over, with a cigarette between his lips (such a poser), why not do it with a real bad boy instead?
A cheating husband is a lot more "bad" than someone who looks like a rockstar. And since he is worse, and you're in a self-destruct mode, why not date him? He's already expressed his interest, I'm sure. And anyway, since you're trying to self-sabotage, go all the way with the real deal.
If you like to shock people, and if you want your bad girl side to be let loose, you'll like dating a married guy. He's the perfect match for you.
Should You Date A Married Man?
If you think you can date a married guy and walk away unscathed, you're wrong. No matter how jaded and tough you feel you are, you won't be unaffected when you get to see, firsthand, the terrible tragedy you've left in your wake. Let's face it, once you agree to date a married man, you're a home-wrecker.
Perhaps it isn't just your fault. But you're not blameless, either. And unless the married guy forced you to date him, you're not looking too hot in that innocent-looking dress. Maybe your argument is that even if you said no, chances are, someone else would say yes. Well, let me tell you, that is a chance you should've taken.
No matter how much you love the married guy you're dating, it won't amount to much when you see his wife and his children, and everyone else affected by your bad judgment suffer. And if you didn't love the married guy, you'll be asking yourself this question for a really long time: "Was it worth it?"
Because contrary to what some people believe, life is not a war. There is no need to fight it every step of the way. And there is no excuse for hurting other people in the name of love and sex. There are no words to describe the collateral damage you leave when you're done doing them wrong.
In my opinion, there are not enough pros to weigh the cons of dating a married man. If you really have issues, I believe dealing with them properly (preferably with a professional) is so much better than picking them up and running away with them.
And if you really do fall in love with a married man, love him enough to leave him and let him be with his wife and family. Don't become the accomplice to his mistake.
Is dating a married man ok?
In most cases, dating a married man is not ok because it hurts others. It may seem harmless at first, but eventually, it becomes destructive. One would only consider dating a married man because she doesn't care about anyone else. We are selfish and insensitive.
Can a married man really fall in love with another woman?
Yes! A married man has feelings just as any other human being does. He probably lost feelings for his wife after years of marriage. It happens more often than one thinks. Also, some people are capable of loving multiple women simultaneously.
How do you know if a married man loves you?
When a married man loves you, he will show it through actions rather than words. At first, he will only give out subtle signs, then if things progress well, he will start showing off all his affection. Just like a single man would do, but more discreetly.
What do you call a woman who dates a married man?
There are multiple ways to refer to such a person. Some prefer calling her the "other woman" while others might use the term "home-wrecker", "third wheel", or "side chick", depending on their preference.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.