There are several reasons why you become the other woman. Most of the time, it's through no fault of yours. You probably didn't know he's married or that he has a girlfriend when you took him in. You don't know because he chose not to tell you or lied to you about it. This makes you a victim. Unless, of course, you choose to carry on despite his relationship status.
Now, according to some people, you don't choose whom you fall in love with. I respectfully disagree with this statement. Life and love both require us to choose. So if you're asking yourself, "Why am I always the other woman?", even though you chose to become one despite your knowledge of his wife, it means that you chose that little title for yourself.
But it's easy to judge when you don't know much about it. So let's explore the topic and find out why are you always the other woman.
You Attract A Certain Type Of Man
If this has happened to you more than once, by now you're probably thinking how on Earth you ended up attracting married guys or guys who are in a relationship. Even when you're not doing anything overt to catch their attention, they still flock to you like sheep.
No, it's not because you subconsciously want them to be attracted to you, so stop blaming yourself for their actions. Perhaps it is because you are a carefree kind of woman. You look perky and happy like you don't have a care in the world because you love your life.
An unhappily married man will most definitely want to date you. This is because he wants to feed on your energy to survive his tedious and unhappy marriage. Or perhaps he wants to escape it, even for just a few hours a day.
This guy won't want to tell you that he's off the market because he doesn't want you to think that he is. So he'll lie or evade. And you'll end up hurting yourself, as well as his family, because of his selfishness. If this happens, try not to shoulder the blame. You're as much a victim as his wife.
Related: Getting Over a Married Man
You're A Prey
Some men have a different set of ideals than regular people. They operate on a different set of right and wrong, and they let their inner-animal do their thinking for them. These men look at women and see potential marks.
Or perhaps another notch to their belt. They basically collect women the same way women collect shoes. And even when they get a girlfriend and engage in a seemingly long-term relationship, they won't be able to help themselves from sipping from another cup.
If this type of guy sees you, he will undoubtedly want to take a bite. And yes, he may lie to you about his girlfriend, or perhaps just neglect to mention her. In this case, you'll just be another mark that he thinks he can fool. Unless you don't care if he's single or not, this is not your fault.
Some people really just delight in indulging themselves at the expense of other people's feelings. Being victimized by this kind of despicable human being is not your fault. It's an honest mistake on your part, as well as a learning mistake.
So the next time you see someone come on to you strong, think about how this one guy fooled you, and don't let another one make you an idiot (for making the same mistake twice). We all have to learn from our mistakes. If we don't, we may as well just write MARK and paste it on our forehead, or maybe just paint a target on our backs.
Related: Why do men date multiple women
You Choose To Be The Other Woman
Unless you hooked up with an accomplished liar as well as a cheater, you don't get a pass for being the other woman. It is your choices, more than your mistakes that make up for who you are. In this case, you made a mistake because you chose wrong.
So what if he's handsome, or intelligent, or hot, or an all-around swell of a guy? All that shouldn't matter. Especially if he's up-front about his current relationship. If a guy's already told you what's up, and yet you still choose to date him, that makes it your choice. And yes, your mistake.
Of course, this doesn't absolve the guy of his own sins. But we're not talking about him and his issues. We're talking about you. Unless he forced you to engage in a relationship with him, you're as much in the wrong as him, perhaps even more so.
Of course, if he lied and told you he was single even though he has a wife and two kids in the suburbs, that's on him.
You Have Commitment Issues
Maybe you're the other woman because you're not ready to be in a proper relationship with a single guy. A straight relationship like that means commitment. Perhaps you're thinking that a taken kind of guy will be a lot easier to handle. After all, he won't be pressuring you to take your relationship to the next level if he already has another girl for that, right?
Regardless of your commitment issues, a relationship with a taken guy is still a bad idea. Think about it like this: consider the pros (booty call) and the cons (one thousand and one) of committing adultery. If you think it through properly, you will know in your heart and in your mind that it's wrong.
But you're not thinking in this scenario. You're letting your animal attraction win over your rational mind. You're making a choice to ignore the wrongness of the act. You're not taking into consideration the pain and suffering you will undoubtedly bring to his wife/girlfriend.
Or perhaps you are, and you do it because you believe you will suffer as well. Perhaps you're punishing yourself because you think you deserve it. Maybe you don't believe you deserve a proper happy ending with a good guy, and you're hooking up with this cheater for that purpose.
If that is the case, you have to learn to value yourself above all else. And possibly talk to someone about this.
Don't Cross The Line
Even in dating, there's a line we don't cross. This is why it is necessary to be as sharp as a hawk when you're dating someone you didn't previously know. Make sure you check out if he has a ring on his ring finger. You can even take it a bit further by asking him outright about it.
He won't get offended. Or he shouldn't. It's only natural to want to know if he's involved with someone else. If he's a smooth liar, and you really want to believe him, but you already have a feeling that he's not being honest with you, just stop. Yes, it's tempting. He's probably hot and extremely sexy.
If you feel yourself caving, put yourself in the position of his girlfriend, fiance, or wife, and ask yourself how you'll feel in her shoes. That should do the trick.
- Signs he is in love with the other woman
- 21 Things Women Wear That Men LOVE
- Why Do Guys Stare at Girls? 15 Eye-Opening Reasons
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.