When it turns out that your crush likes your (best) friend, it feels like you've been punched in the gut and then kicked in the face twice. It hurts so much because you know deep down inside that he doesn't really care about you at all.
He's just using you as a way to get closer to your friend. You're not even sure if she knows how hurtful this is or if she thinks you should just suck up and deal with it. Either way, you are not the winner here.
So how can you get through this rough patch? How will you survive, and what will happen with your crush and friendship?
Here are some tips if your crush likes your friend or best friend to help you handle your heartbreak better.
Accept His Decision
You probably won't like hearing this, but you need to accept the fact that your crush likes your best friend instead of you. Since he liked your friend (who probably knew about your secret feelings), of course, you'll feel betrayed and slightly ill. That's normal. But try not to make too much of a fuss about it.
Because while it is normal to feel things, it is not practical to maintain them. Your friend probably didn't do anything wrong. It's not her fault he liked her over you. Admit it, if something similar happened to you, and you're in your friend's shoes, you'll feel guilty and giddy at the same time.
Related: Why Are Guys So Shallow
Even if we say that your friend flirted back with your crush, we still can't blame her. Your crush is single, after all. He is reasonably attractive. This is probably why you liked him. What did you want her to do? Be rude to him? That doesn't make any sense.
So maybe give yourself a couple of weeks to cry it out and then get a move on. I can personally guarantee he's not going to be your only crush for the whole year. While it may not feel like it right now, you will feel better eventually.
Be Honest With How You Feel
This is especially applicable to your best friend. You should be honest with her about how you really feel. However, try to give it a bit of time. Try not to confront her immediately after you find out. You could say some (possibly ruinous) things you won't be able to take back once you've calmed down.
Be honest, yes, but don't be spiteful. Try to see things from their perspective (yes, this is hard). If you think about it carefully, him liking your best friend probably doesn't have anything to do with you. Yes, of course, you'll feel differently, but he's not doing it to hurt you. Try to think about that, and possibly, even though it's hard, try to be happy for them (in the future).
If you keep what you feel bottled up inside you, you will probably burst violently in the most inopportune moment. Don't ruin your friendship because of a guy who didn't even do anything wrong. Tell her how you feel, and once enough time has passed, him too. This should help you three reconcile your emotions. It will also help you move on.
Related: Being Single in High School
Give Yourself Some Space
One day you're probably going to think all this is juvenile. But feelings are feelings, you know. It doesn't matter how old you are, you still get hurt. So if you don't feel like going with them (crush and friend) to a concert or hanging out with them after class, give yourself that space.
Set boundaries and let them both know you're probably not going to be comfortable with them for a while. It doesn't mean you should end your friendship. It only means you're taking a break from them and their love vibes, which drives you crazy.
Cut yourself some slack. In this situation, you don't only feel betrayed by your friend, you also feel rejected by your crush. It's a double kick in your stomach. So yes, you deserve some time and a bit of space to lick your wounds and heal. You deserve a gallon of ice cream and a good cry as well. Give yourself that.
Take Time to Focus on Yourself
Now is the best time to focus on yourself. You've just come off this almost-relationship, and you're still healing from your wounds. It's time to give your self-esteem a boost and your heart a little self-love.
You're probably blaming your crush's decision to pass you over on the state of your hair, or your skin, or your body. Well, it's time to stop with the self-flagellation. It's counterproductive and useless to blame yourself like this. Because it's not your fault.
You may be thinking like a self-centered person and looking at things all wrong. It's not about you. Your crush's feelings for your best friend are not about you. Your friend's decision to reciprocate (or not) is not about you. Not everything is about you.
So stop blaming yourself for this unfortunate turn of events, and start building yourself up for a healthier attitude. Once you accept that it has nothing to do with you, you will eventually learn to be happy for them.
Talk To Your Friends
Unless you're a complete hermit, you probably have other friends apart from she-who-must-not-be-named, right? Well then, hang out with them. Try to surround yourself with your squad. Spending time with them will help you get back on your feet.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you will hang out with your other friends with the sole purpose of trying to outcast her. Remember, she didn't do anything wrong. She could be suffering, as well.
Think about it like this- she probably likes your crush too, but she doesn't want to tell him that because she knows how you'll feel. Your crush is probably feeling rejected too, the same way you do. Ask yourself, do you really want to make them suffer along with you? That's a lot of unnecessary drama.
Take your mind off of your love triangle for a second, and go shopping with your friends. Or maybe even better than that: go clubbing! Who knows, you may meet a new guy that will turn your life around.
It might seem weird, but talking to your friends will actually help you forget about your crush. Talking to someone else helps us put our thoughts into perspective.
Don't Be Too Hard On Yourself
It's a crush. It's as normal as they come. Since it is, a heartbreak also seems inevitable. The least you can do is give yourself a break for having feelings. Don't blame yourself, don't blame your friend, and don't blame your crush, either. It's all part of life. Life is not fair, unfortunately.
Also read: How to stop looking for love
Once you get over this broken heart, you will get perspective. You will feel yourself becoming stronger, and growing mature, as well. After all, Kelly Clarkson always sang, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Heartbreaks operate under the same ideal.
They are necessary to your human make-up. If you don't feel heartbreak, how are you supposed to recognize and feel the joy of love and returned affection? It hurts, but it's necessary. So don't blame anyone, least of all yourself.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.