How to recover when he ignores you after coming on too strong? This question comes up more often than you might think. Maybe you texted him too much. Perhaps you replied too quickly. Perhaps, you have made yourself too available for him, or it could be that you suggested putting a label on your relationship too soon.
Whatever it could be, you know you just moved too fast, came on too strong, and you're worried you might have just scared him off.
It is never easy to express your feelings to a person; to make it worse, it can be confusing whether you are coming in too strong or too less.
In most cases, people just tend to be too intense and straightforward in expressing their feelings beyond what is reasonable considering the period of time they have known each other.
If you think you might have pressured him because you came on too strong, you must take a step back and allow both of you to take your time to think through what's happening before you can approach the situation.
Here are four steps to help you recover and win him back after you come on too strong.
- 1. Address underlying personal issues that caused overbearing behavior
- 2. Give him room to breathe
- 3. Do not overdo it
- 4. Let him see you in your own element.
- What are the signs that you've come on too strong?
- How long do I have to wait before making a move after coming on too strong?
- When should you not try to win a man back?
1. Address underlying personal issues that caused overbearing behavior
It is good to take note of the way you act whenever you are in a relationship. Do you tend to display needy behavior? Do you get jealous often? Does your behavior negatively affect other people?
It is also important to take note of your tendencies whenever you are in a relationship. Do you have a generally composed behavior, but you get head over heels whenever this one guy is around? Do you feel the need to call him every hour just to check on him?
If you notice that you have displayed similar behavior in your previous relationships, then there may be an underlying reason behind your overbearing approach in relationships.
Psychology Professor Elaine Hatfield (University of Hawaii) shared that "outpouring of passion can lead to a dip in self-esteem or feelings of desperation based on unrelated losses". (Self-Esteem and Passionate Love Relationships, The Social Psychologists: Research and Adventures)
If you think you are displaying needy behavior, then chances are it might be triggered by fear-based factors. Before trying to win him back, you should deal with your own feelings first.
Taking your time to understand yourself better is as equally important as trying to work on your relationship. By failing to examine the underlying reasons for your behavior, you'll just risk overwhelming him and your future relationships again.
2. Give him room to breathe
After making a wrong impression, you may want to quickly remedy the situation so he can see the "new you". Do not ever be tempted to make this mistake! You should avoid insisting on getting together too soon, or you will undermine the point that you're trying to make.
You want to prove to him that you are trying to change your overbearing behavior. Part of it is giving him the space that he needs. Here is how long should you give him space.
As a changed person, you have to respect his boundaries. While this step can be difficult, you must give him enough time to process his emotions first. You can tell him that you really want to work on your relationship, but you also understand that he needs a little break.
Prove to him that you won't come on too strong anymore by giving him the breathing room that he needs. You can use the time to address personal issues as well.
3. Do not overdo it
You don't need to make grand gestures to prove your sincerity.
The old saying "less is more" proves to be true, especially when you're trying to make up for your overbearing behavior. If you're struggling to find the right words to explain yourself, just remember to keep it honest and simple.
You do not have to write a wordy speech. Just simply admit your faults and convince him that you are trying to change for the better through your actions since actions speak louder than words. You can even squeeze in some humor to remind him of your lighthearted side.
Doing small things to remind him that you care about him can also help. You can also express your genuine appreciation for him every now and then by complimenting him even for accomplishing the little things.
4. Let him see you in your own element.
Nothing would better convince him that you are indeed a changed person than when he sees you in your own element.
Psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne said in her "Psychology Today" piece that "a good image is composed of honesty—no faking interests or skills you do not possess— and attention to your strengths" (Online Dating to Job Interviews: Controlling Your Image).
One of the ways to help him see you in a more positive light than before is to show him that you are driven to accomplish a goal—something that you are genuinely passionate about.
When the timing is right, you can share with him your newfound passion. By then, both you and he may feel more confident in the kind of person you have become—a person who is in her own element.
What are the signs that you've come on too strong?
I came on too strong now he ignores me - does it sound familiar? Sometimes we can all get a bit too aggressive when it comes to dating. But it is important to be self-aware of your tendencies whenever you're head over heels for a guy.
- Flooding him with texts every hour of every day. While you think it may be sweet, he may get overwhelmed by this.
- Bombarding him with affection. Sometimes, restraint is good. Even though you have strong feelings for him, try to hold back a bit.
- Planning too much ahead. If you just started getting to know each other, then it's best not to plan too much ahead in the future. Take your time before you make any future plans.
- When you don't give him his personal space. Everyone needs to have their own space to breathe. This means allowing him to have his alone time.
- You tell him what to do when he's not asking for it. Telling someone what to do, especially if they don't need it can be offensive. It can also show that you're being superior to him, which can change his impression of you.
How long do I have to wait before making a move after coming on too strong?
The answer could vary, from weeks to months, depending on how serious the situation is. To have an idea about whether or not he is ready to continue where the two of you left off, you can try testing waters.
You can ask how he is through his friends or family. You can also check his social media activities– but not in a stalker way. Or if you think it's okay, you can leave him a short and simple message. How soon you can make your move will depend on his response.
Timing is crucial; if you rush things, you may end up in an overwhelming situation again. And if you wait too long, you may end up missing your chance entirely.
When should you not try to win a man back?
You should not try to win a man back when you feel like there is something you need to change inside of you first. You should prioritize first your emotional well-being, and it surely comes before trying to win any guy back.
Another reason why you shouldn't try to win a man back is when all signs point to you not needing to win him back. Perhaps you came on too strong for a reason, and maybe it would be better for the two of you to just go your separate ways.
Also, if you don't see the signs he misses you after breakup, you should not try to win him back. And here are the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. These are all powerful hints you should listen to.
Trying to make sure that you don't come on too strong to someone can seem like a lot of work. But if you believe that he is worth all the struggle of trying to win him back, then take it one step at a time. What's meant for you will come back to you. You can probably win his heart back by being sincere in your words and actions.