Confronting your partner for cheating is never easy; most of the time, heated emotions can get in the way of dealing with his cheating behavior.
They may also try to manipulate you into believing that they should not be held accountable for their actions or that they will not cheat on you again.
If you are sure that your partner has been cheating on you and you have decided to confront him, you have to prepare yourself for how they could possibly respond to the confrontation.
Related: Is my boyfriend cheating
Knowing how they could possibly react to the confrontation can help you deal with the situation without getting played for a fool by your cheating partner.
Here are things cheaters say whenever they get confronted with their unfaithfulness.
1. They tell you it never meant anything to them
A cheater seems to think telling that the person they cheated with does not mean as much as you do to them is a comforting statement, but really, it just tells a lot about how much they truly value the relationship.
It is insulting to know that they cheated and ruined the relationship over something meaningless.
2. They tell you she is just a friend
We hear this A LOT. In fact, this may be the most common response of a cheater to defend himself. Men and women can become platonic friends, but only if there are no evident red flags in the relationship.
An obvious red flag in this situation is if their so-called friendship keeps getting in the way of your relationship with your partner.
3. They try to dismiss the problem by saying you are just exaggerating
They would be quick to defend themselves by insisting you are just overreacting, and that is why you think they are cheating on you, but you know better.
In the back of your mind, you feel something weird has been going on for a while now, and now that you clearly see the truth, your partner tries to dismiss it by telling you that you are just overreacting.
4. They claim it was not cheating because they did not have sex
Believe it or not, cheaters use this lame excuse to get out of the hot seat; saying they did not cheat because they did not have sex is not in the least bit comforting, and it does not make cheating any less painful to bear.
He may not have been physically intimate with this person but was still emotionally cheating on you by not fully committing to the relationship.
The moment they romantically sought out another person aside from you, they had already become unfaithful to you regardless of whether or not they were physically intimate in his affair.
5. They promise not to repeat the same mistake
Once a person cheats, it is more likely that they will repeat it even if they swear to never cheat on you again; once you get cheated on, its a lot harder to put your trust in someone again once they have broken it, and you have to try harder to convince yourself that they will not break their promise again.
6. They say she/he came on to them first
Never fall for his excuse if they say they did nothing wrong because the person came onto them first. Even if it's what actually happened, they still did something wrong by not doing anything to avoid the situation in the first place.
He knows what will transpire will end up hurting you, but they just went along with it and gave no care about the consequences of his actions.
7. They tell you they did not want to hurt you
No matter how hard your partner tries, telling you this will never sound sincere because you still got hurt by their actions; they consciously decided to cheat on you despite knowing it can cause you pain, so it does not matter whether they intended to hurt you or not.
8. They cheated on you because they fell out of love with you
If they value that connection that you two have and respects you as a person, the most decent thing they could have done is to be outright honest with you about their feelings.
If they knew they fell out of love with you, there are better ways to break it to you than just cheating his way out of the relationship. If cheating on you was his way of ending things between you, then they paid no respect to the relationship you shared with each other.
9. They say it just happened once
To cheat on your partner is a blatant betrayal of the relationship, and it does not make it any less painful if they say it was only a one-time thing.
10. They turn the argument around by questioning your trust
If they use this card, know that they are just trying to turn things around and convince you do not trust him enough that's why you are accusing him of cheating.
11. They say it is your fault they cheated
Whether it was something you did or not, they still end up blaming you for why they cheated on you.
12. They just needed to scratch an itch
The two of you are not having sex anymore, so they decided to get it elsewhere; this is another one of those classic lame excuses a cheater uses to justify his mistake.
13. They begin accusing you of cheating
A typical response of a seasoned cheater in a relationship once you confront him is they will reverse the argument by accusing you of cheating. Cheaters will ask how you can prove you are not the one cheating on him to put you in the hot seat instead of him.
14. They promise to become better and restore the relationship
It is up to you whether you will give him a second chance, but as much as you love to hear this, you can never fully believe that things will become better not after they cheated on you.
If both of you choose to forget everything in the past to restore the relationship, it will take a lot of patience and trust.
15. They only cheated because of you
Watch out for this one because they will be historical– yes, historical because they will try to dig up things from the past to defend his cheating behavior.
16. They say it was just a vulnerable moment
True fidelity is shown during moments of weakness, which is why no matter how vulnerable they were at the moment, they should have remained faithful to you.
17. They were going to come clean about it
He was going to tell you, but you found out before they could come clean about it. As much as you would appreciate this gesture, it does not really change the fact that they cheated in the relationship.
18. They say to move on because it is all in the past
Whether the cheating incident happened yesterday or years ago, it would always hurt you the same; being cheated on is not something you move on from overnight, especially when the relationship really meant a lot for you.
19. They are indecisive with the relationship
He doesn’t feel as passionate about the relationship anymore, but they also don't want to let go of it. Your partner will say they don't know what they want right now, which is why they ended up cheating.
If they were a decent person, they could have at least spared you the pain by being honest about what they feel instead of just cheating on you.
One thing is clear; they are not fully committed to making the relationship work anymore or even with the person they have cheated with.
20. They never wanted you to find out
Shielding you from the truth is a sick way of showing you he cares about your feelings. In keeping this a secret from you, the only person he’s protecting is himself so he can get away with it again next time.
21. He’ll stop seeing the person but demands time before ending it
If he is genuinely sorry for what he has done, he should finally end his affair without question. In demanding time before he ends his affair only goes to say that he's not that willing to let go of it even if he knows it causes you pain.
22. He’s acting like he’s tired of your accusations
When you call out a cheater, he will try to act as if he’s tired of all your accusations. However, if you have proof that he is cheating and other red flags, don’t get easily swayed by his act.
23. He tells you you’re just being jealous
Yet again, he’s trying to make it seem like you’re being delusional and that you’re jealous of anyone who gets close to your partner. Because this emotion can be tricky sometimes,
24. He blames it on your insecurities
If he tells you to stop being so insecure, he is trying to tell you to never question anything he does or you’ll just look dumb. You should not feel bad for doubting his faithfulness if he’s behaving in such a way that gives off a cheating vibe.
There would not be any room for insecurities if your relationship is rock-solid in the first place.
25. He tells you his cheating is not true
Another way a cheater can respond is by convincing you that whoever told you he was cheating was lying. He could go so far as to tell you that someone is just badmouthing him or holding a grudge against him.
He may tell you that someone is manipulating you into hating him, but in truth, he is the one who is trying to turn the situation in his favor.
Deciding to confront your partner for cheating on you takes a lot of strength, and it can get problematic if you are not well prepared to deal with the situation.
Before you confront your partner for cheating, gather enough proof and think about everything that you want to tell him. You can give him time to explain his side, but after reading through this article, you now have an idea of what he truly means with what he says.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.