So you just found out that your boyfriend of one month is also dating another pretty girl behind your back. You immediately broke it off with him, went to the nearest bar, and cried your heart out over glasses and bottles of alcohol.
The only question on your mind is: "Why do guys cheat early in a relationship?"
Reasons why guys cheat early in a relationship
The beginning of a relationship is the most exciting time for a new couple. Still, cheating is also common at this time.
There are many reasons why some guys cheat on their partners early in a relationship:
- He doesn't think your relationship will last
- He is playing the love game with you
- He is insecure
- Mental damage from past relationships or childhood
- Lack of trust and faithfulness
- He is confused about love
- You haven't talked about exclusivity and boundaries
- Sexual frustration (i.e., not getting enough sex)
- Drug and/or alcohol problems
- He is too selfish
Let's take a closer look at the reasons for cheating in a fresh relationship
Most men would lie about being monogamous to get the girl. Most of us have already experienced this. Let's talk about honesty. When asked why they cheat, most guys would answer: "What she does not know won't hurt her."
A man will tell all kinds of lies to satisfy a girl's needs. This kind of man does not understand that loyalty is a sacrifice that comes with a committed relationship. He clearly has no intentions of being monogamous, so he keeps lying.
There is also another kind of guy who thinks he is never "good enough". This is a guy with a deep sense of insecurity. He uses all sorts of stuff such as porn, sex, and flirtation to make him feel desirable; make him "good enough". This kind of guy will never stop finding that one person who will make him feel good enough. Thus, he will always resort to cheating to satisfy his insatiable need to feel good about himself.
Then there is that guy who basically does not know what love is. He may confess to loving you but in reality, has no idea what love actually is. A man confused about love may think that he is in love with you in the early stages of your relationship with him. Being infatuated or obsessed with another person is what this man depicts as love. He does not understand that this feeling of infatuation will gradually be replaced by honesty, commitment, and emotional intimacy in a truly loving relationship.
Being addicted may also lead a guy to commit unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Substance abuse or alcoholism affects a person's inhibitions and ability to make decisions. He may also have compulsive sexual behavior, which means he may be using sex to relieve stress or separate himself from underlying psychological conditions.
A guy may also be bored in a monogamous relationship. You may not have noticed him begging for more attention from you, so he tried getting it from someone else, thinking that it might lead you to him giving him more of your precious time and attention. He may also feel that he deserve something special that is just for him so he hires prostitutes, view porn, or have affairs.
A guy cheats because sometimes, he simply wants out. He tries to end his current relationship by giving his current partner "the message" without telling it directly by engaging in illicit affairs. He may also do not want to be left alone, so he secures himself with a new and "better" person before leaving a current relationship.
You may not have noticed it at first because of his charming ways, but your guy may also be immature. He may not understand that it almost always is not about him. He may not pay attention to your needs or concerns, which means he has some emotional growth to do. He feels that he needs to be the center of attention and not you. He will always want his own way and will not listen to whatever you or other people say.
He may also have unreasonable expectations. He thinks that his partner must always be there to cater to his sexual desires, not considering that she might be dealing with multiple priorities. Once his partner fails him, he feels entitled to seek intimate attention from someone else.
The guy may not show signs of it, but he might be damaged. He might never tell you that story when he was a child and was sexually abused by a relative. The results of his negative formative years will deeply reflect in his future relationships. Carrying out indecent affairs is one way for him to escape from his emotional and psychological pain.
Ultimately, there are plenty of other reasons why guys cheat early in a relationship. But knowing some of these may eventually help you understand what to do and what not to do, what to expect and what not to expect, how to act, and how not to act, in the initial stages of being with a guy.
A healthy relationship is based on trust, so you don't have to check with him from time to time. Limit your expectations and know that you don't always have to be together to have better success in a long-term relationship. Just be yourself, let your man be himself, and enjoy being a couple.