"Why am I so mean to my boyfriend?" - I get this question more often than I would like.
It's normal that we sometimes say things we don't really mean due to the pressures of life. But if you are often mean to your boyfriend, there is something wrong and need to change. You have already made the first step towards the change as you are here reading this article, that's great!
The next step to solve this problem is to know the root cause.
Some reasons why you might be mean to your boyfriend include being under a heavy stress, or knowing subconsciously that he's not the one, or needing space.
Moments like this can be frustrating, not to mention hurtful. To know more about the reasons why you tend to be mean to your boyfriend, read on.
You're Scared He's Going To Leave You
We sometimes turn mean when we're scared. Fear and love make us do stupid things at times. If you love him and you're afraid he will leave you, it can push you to say and do things that you will probably regret later on. You believe that he will hurt you, and that's why you want to hurt him first. This will leave you feeling awful later on.
Most people who tend to do this have been hurt before. They were probably hindered by the pain, and they are too afraid of it happening again that it clouds their judgment. This is nothing to be ashamed of.
If you find yourself being mean to your boyfriend, for this reason, be proactive. Think about why you're being hurtful, and ask yourself if your boyfriend deserves this kind of treatment. It would also be best if you talked it out with him and made him understand.
Pressure and stress affect us in many negative ways. It makes us short on patience and tolerance, as well as temper. The people who get the short end of the stick usually wind up to be the ones closest to us- our boyfriends. This doesn't make you a horrible person.
If you're feeling stressed out, you tend to become a lot more emotional. Even the smallest things annoy you and make you snap out. This will, of course, make your boyfriend feel bad.
While it is natural to feel stressed at times, try to find a better alternative than being mean to your boyfriend. Don't take it out on him. Perhaps you can divert your attention to something a little more productive and relaxing.
You also need to be appreciative of the support you're getting from him. You can let him know this by trying your best to not be overwhelmed by your situation.
You Have Low Self-Confidence
Low self-confidence can be brought about by a lot of reasons. If you're at a low point in your life, it can usually influence how you treat people.
Low self-confidence can lead to a very negative outlook on life. It will probably lead to frustration, which will make you do things you don't usually do and are probably going to regret later.
Or perhaps you're feeling frustrated and not a little jealous that your boyfriend is doing a lot better than you, professionally. This can lead to many unpleasant and often bitter arguments.
If you find yourself with all these negative thoughts, try to identify what the problem is. Once you do, and if you believe it to be something you can work on yourself, make an action plan. Talk to your boyfriend about how he can support you. You can also improve your confidence by practicing self-care.
Related: Why don't I like him?
You Need Space
Needing a bit of space is not a bad thing. You're probably just feeling a little overwhelmed, both in your personal life as well as in your professional life, that you snap out at the slightest inconvenience. Or perhaps you resent not having your own space.
You could also be missing all the things that you were able to do when you were single. All these are valid feelings and thoughts. However, when you start being mean to your boyfriend and blaming him for your apparent lack of freedom, you probably need to calm down and stop the blame game.
Perhaps you can take some time to do your own thing separately from him. Having enough time and space away can help you guys look forward to spending time together.
He's Not The One For You
Looking for our happy-ever-after can sometimes mean being in and out of wrong relationships. Think of it as an exercise. If you don't believe that he's "the one", then you're probably being mean and hurtful towards him because you want to push him away.
Breaking up with someone can be messy. By being mean, you're probably thinking of saving him some tears. After all, it's not his fault that you're too hurtful. It makes it easier to break up.
However, you also need to remember that being mean to him can be traumatic even for his benefit. It may cause him to not want to be in another relationship in the future. Try to keep in mind that he's a nice person and that he probably cares about you.
Other Possible Reasons Why You Are Mean To Your Boyfriend
- You Don't Really Love Him
- He Is Playing The Love Game
- You Were In An Abusive Relationship Before
- You Have an Unresolved Issue
- You Feel Undervalued
- He Isn't Able to Get You
- You're Afraid to Be Vulnerable
- He Flirts With Other Women
- You Dislike His Hobbies or Habits
- You Feel Like You've Been Cheated On
- You Don’t Know How To Be Nice
- He Doesn't Want to Propose
- Your Boyfriend is Mean to You Too
- You Think You Are Better Than Him
- He Always Let's You Down
- You Don't Respect Him
Since the reason is probably something personal, you can stop being mean to your boyfriend by taking better care of yourself. If you love yourself and dose your heart with a little positivity, you'll lose the unreasonable anger and have a better disposition. You can leave your tough times at the door, come home eager to be loved.
Most of the time, when you feel angry at your boyfriend for no reason, it is because you are going through something difficult. It makes you upset, which makes you want to lash out at your boyfriend. You know that he loves you and that he will probably forgive you. This makes him a handy target.
Hormones can sometimes contribute to moodiness. Whenever you are on your monthly cycle, you may notice that you feel extra emotional and moody. It makes you unpredictable and mean. Anger in relationships is poisonous. Of course, it could also be that you're going through something tough.
Try to think if he's done anything to warrant your hostility. If he hasn't, it would probably be better for you to think about all his good qualities. Perhaps it's also time to distract yourself from your moodiness, all the while convincing yourself that it's not his fault. It would probably be best if you gave him a chance to cheer you up, instead of hurting him indiscriminately.