Being in a relationship with a married man can be agonizing at times, especially if you doubt whether or not he is just using you.
Fortunately, it can be reasonably easy to spot the signs a married man is using you for his personal gain or truly loves you. However, recognizing an abusive, manipulative, and selfish man can be quite challenging for some women.
Being in love can fog your vision of the truth that he is just in it for his own benefit. By the time you realize he's just using you, it will be too late because you will find yourself helplessly waiting at his disposal.
Some manipulative relationships may even cause you to isolate yourself from the ones you love and resent them. The manipulator does this to make it easier for them to control your life.
Related: Love bombing
The best way to safeguard yourself as early as possible in the relationship is to be mindful of the signs that tell whether a married man is just using you.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with devoting yourself to someone you love. Just make sure that you prioritize your peace of mind and personal well-being first and foremost.
Clear Signs a Married Man is Using You
Here are six key signs to help you tell whether a married man truly loves you or if he is just using you.
He avoids talking about the future
It is only expected to share conversations about your dreams and aspirations for the future with your romantic partner. Moreover, in a committed relationship, couples are not hesitant at all to think of the possibilities of spending the future in each other's company.
This can also be applied when you are dating a married guy. The taboo circumstances aside, if your guy is truly in love with you, he shouldn't be afraid of conversations about your future together.
Now, he may seem keen on spending the future with you, but does he really mean it? Or does he only tell you what you want to hear so he can get what he wants from you? Beware of his sugary statements because these kinds of men are the most devious.
He keeps you a secret
Part of dating a married man is becoming his secret lover. This means that he will try his best to keep you away from public eyes, especially from friends and family members. No trace of your existence in his life shall ever be made known.
Because of this, most of your dates and trips are either far away or set in private. He always has the final say when it comes to your secret meetings. He also prohibits you from sharing any photos together in any of your social media accounts.
This can be quite frustrating in the long run, especially if he doesn't plan to disclose your relationship with him ever. You would know he's just using you if you've been dating each other for a long time already, but he doesn't have any intention of letting his family or friends know that you exist at the very least.
Related: Signs you are the other woman
He tries to turn you against your family or friends
Being in a relationship with a married man who is only using you can take a huge toll on you, especially in the way you deal with people in your life. He would try to turn you against your family and friends by arguing that they aren't good for the relationship.
You'll eventually end up isolating yourself from the people close to you because he doesn't want you talking to them. He will want to manipulate you into making a decision that turns you against them. He needs to do this, so your life now revolves around him and him alone.
You would then become dependent on anything that he will say or do, and you'll end up questioning your worth. By then, you'll have less confidence in yourself and more dependence on your relationship with him.
He treats you like you are at his disposal
Does he have a habit of appearing only when he needs something from you and disappears once he gets it? If he does, you got yourself a total user.
A selfish, manipulative married man will only be present when he needs something from you, usually when he wants to sleep with you or if he needs you to boost his ego.
He will treat you like you are at his disposal, never the same way he treats his wife. By always catering to his every demand all the time, you allow him to hold you by the leash. You will then try to make sure that he is satisfied with your company.
But all your efforts are to no avail because you aren't his number one priority for him. Whether or not you are in his life or not, it wouldn't make much difference.
He doesn't define the status of your relationship
If you have been dating for a while now and still have not defined where your relationship with him stands, he is probably just using you.
Despite the way he treats you, you never genuinely feel like your mind is at peace because he hasn't given you a good enough answer to your questions about him and the relationship.
Do not be fooled and become complacent by his kind gestures and treatment of you. Those are not enough considerations to define your relationship status with him. So, never assume your relationship's status unless he says it himself.
Related: Complicated relationship status
He's only in it for the benefit
Most married men look for women who can fill in the empty void their wives can't fill. Depending on the type of void, they may need someone to have sex with, boost their ego, or even have total control over.
Knowing this, you'd see to it that he gets what he wants and that his needs are always met. However, he will never attempt to reciprocate the same effort you do to satisfy you in return.
He's only staying in the relationship with you for his personal gain. Never will he make a compromise just so you get to enjoy it as well. For him, it's all about what benefit he can get out of the relationship.
Sometimes, it can be challenging to see the signs a married man is using you or not. The truth can constantly be fogged up by our emotions for that person, and we only end up trying to justify their undesirable actions towards us.
A manipulative man acts only if there is something in it for him, and he is ensured that he will have his wants and needs provided for by their woman. He wouldn't hesitate at all, even at the expense of her well-being. A relationship with this type of man is sure to end up in ruin, especially for your mental and emotional health.
Given the circumstances, it may be very hard to foresee a happy future together. Getting over a married man is not easy but it's your best bet. At the end of the day, the relationship is doomed to fail because it will mostly be at the married man's disposal.
Would a man leave his wife for a mistress?
The answer to this will depend on how genuine a married man's feelings are towards his mistress. If a man truly loves a woman, he may end up choosing this woman over his marriage. However, if he only sees his mistress as an object of pleasure and nothing more, it's not at all probable that he'll leave his wife for his mistress.
How do I get him to leave her for me?
The most reasonable thing you can do is to let him know what you expect from the relationship. Let him know that you need commitment and exclusivity and that you'll only have it if he eventually decides to leave his wife for you. Do not attempt to manipulate him in any way but make sure that your desires are known. He will act accordingly depending on how serious he is about your relationship.
How to end a relationship with a married man?
Cutting off your communications with him entirely is a good place to start when you're trying to end a relationship with a married man. But before doing so, make it clear that you want to end the relationship with him for good, and you have to mean it. You can either write him a letter or meet him in person one last time to make your amends and properly give him closure.
Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.