If you find yourself in a relationship where your boyfriend always puts himself first and doesn't care about you or anyone else except him, then you are dating a selfish man.
Selfish men treat women badly because they're insecure, self-centered, rude, and shallow. They don't care about anyone except themselves. Women should stay away from these guys unless they want to end up alone with nothing but bitterness and regret.
If you're interested in learning how to identify selfish men, then read on. I'll explain why men act this way and tell you what you can do to prevent being treated poorly.
- How to tell if your man is being selfish
- 19 Signs of Selfish Boyfriend
- 1. He's obsessed with himself
- 2. He never takes the time to talk to you
- 3. He forgets previous conversations you had
- 4. He shows no interest in getting along with your friends or family
- 5. You feel like support doesn't go both ways with him
- 6. He believes that he is always right
- 7. He doesn't respect your personal space
- 8. He always gaslights you whenever you confront him
- 9. He is always inconsiderate in bed
- 10. He never apologizes
- 11. He has few, if not, no friends at all
- 12. He never listens to you
- 13. He dismisses you even when you still have something to say
- 14. He never makes himself available when you need him the most
- 15. He is quick to point out your faults
- 16. He always guilt trips you with everything he's done for you
- 17. He's only nice when there's in it for him
- 18. He only loves you when you're not acting up
- 19. He expects you to depend on his plans
- How to deal with selfish men
- Can a selfish man love?
- Can you change a selfish boyfriend?
How to tell if your man is being selfish
Telling whether someone is selfish or not can become quite subjective. It can be quite confusing since people have relative standards of what's okay and what's not, especially when you're talking about someone you love.
Thankfully, there are obvious indicators to help you decide whether your man is selfish or not.
19 Signs of Selfish Boyfriend
Here are 19 Telltale Signs of a Selfish Boyfriend:
1. He's obsessed with himself
It's normal to talk about yourself every now and then, especially if you have some accomplishment you're really excited to share with your favorite person, or when you're just overflowing with unwanted emotions and you want someone to listen to you rant about it.
But it's entirely different when all you talk about all the time is yourself, especially in relationships. If you're not so appreciative of a friend who brags about himself all the time, what more for when you experience it in your relationship?
There's a thin line between being proud of oneself and being too narcissistic. If your guy is fond of talking about himself all the time, even when you try to hint at not wanting to listen to him brag about himself for one more second, then you should definitely make him aware that he is being selfish.
2. He never takes the time to talk to you
Let's say your man isn't one to talk about himself all the time. But he is someone who isn't fond of communicating at all, even if it's you.
In some cases, your boyfriend can be the life of the party, but most of the time, when it's just the two of you, he barely takes the time to talk or listen to you. Or when he does, you don't really feel like the two of you are having a genuine conversation with each other. You feel like he's not REALLY talking to you.
This can be more frustrating if you're the type of girlfriend who loves sharing quality time and receiving words of affirmation.
3. He forgets previous conversations you had
You can only remember so much from a conversation you had with another person yesterday or the day before that. But you'll notice you remember what you talked about with a person that's important in your life.
You tend to be more focused on what the other person shares with you because you want them to feel like they are being listened to.
This is why it can be disappointing if your guy always forgets previous conversations you had, especially ones that you share with him with pure excitement.
4. He shows no interest in getting along with your friends or family
Another sign of selfish men is if they are not even trying to get along or at least interested in getting to know your family or friends. He should know how important it is for you that the person you love has a good relationship with people who matter to you. If he really wants to make you happy, he will try to go beyond his selfish ways and get along with your family and friends.
5. You feel like support doesn't go both ways with him
A good relationship should make you feel like you are being supported in any endeavor in life, be it in your work or personal life. You know you've been there for him through the good times and the bad. But he doesn't reciprocate the same level of moral and emotional support you've given him when it was his turn to support you.
Worse, his lack of support for doing the things you want to do makes you doubt if you should even pursue it in the first place.
6. He believes that he is always right
As a human, you know you're bound to be wrong sometimes. Your opinion may not always be a well-calculated one, and in instances like this, it's best to have your partner's opinion about it as well.
If your relationship with your guy is missing this balance in exchanging opinions about everyday matters, then surely one of you is being selfish.
If your boyfriend always insists on proving that his idea is right, then you're surely headed to a troublesome path in the relationship.
7. He doesn't respect your personal space
Even when you're in a relationship with someone, every now and then, you'd want to take a step back and have your own breathing room. This can be quite difficult to bear for the other person, but they'll give you your personal space either way simply to show respect and to prove that they genuinely care for you.
Related: Signs he doesn't respect you
However, a very selfish person would react negatively whenever you'd demand to have your alone time and even begin to question your love or the value you give to the relationship.
They'd even go as far as to purposely begin an argument just so they always get what they want at the end of it. This is often accompanied by guilt trips that would make you feel bad for needing to be just by yourself for a short while.
8. He always gaslights you whenever you confront him
This one may be quite easy to miss, especially if your selfish man had already gotten so good at verbal manipulation. An obvious sign of a selfish guy is that whenever you'd confront him about something, he always finds a way to turn things around and make you feel bad about confronting him in the first place.
Related: Love Bombing
This, in turn, affects the way you think about yourself and makes you question yourself for even trying to confront him. This can be considered a form of selfishness on his part because confrontations in relationships must be addressed and not immediately dismissed.
It is a responsibility that both parties must conform to if they want to have a good and long-lasting relationship. If one side refuses to address the situation and would find ways to play victim, then the relationship is surely headed to ruin.
9. He is always inconsiderate in bed
Another obvious indication of a selfish man is if he had been selfish when it comes to your bedroom activities. This may sound a bit too preaching but a man would always try to give more than to receive– and yes, it also applies when it comes to sex.
A man that could only care less whether you enjoy your time in bed and only cares about his own pleasure is surely too selfish of a guy. Sex is part of the relationship, and some even consider it one of the basic requirements to stay in one.
It's important to take note that sex isn't just for physical pleasure. It is primarily a very intimate way to express your love and affection towards your partner. His selfishness in bed will eventually affect your relationship since you constantly yearn for affection and intimacy, but he's not so willing to deliver.
10. He never apologizes
Saying sorry whenever you've done something wrong is something that most people would do to show their humility and selflessness.
Related: Do I like him?
If you don't hear your man utter words of apologies whenever he is wrong, nor would he show through his actions that he is very sorry for something he did, then you're surely dating a selfish guy.
Moreover, he would try and defend himself by blaming other people for his mistakes.
11. He has few, if not, no friends at all
Even the most introverted person in the world has a few good friends that they casually talk to. If your boyfriend is not that much of an introvert, but you realize he doesn't have a lot, if not no friends at all, then that could be an indicator that not a lot of people are willing to be part of his life. Maybe he has few or no friends for a reason, and maybe it's because he's a really selfish person.
12. He never listens to you
Listening is something humans unconsciously do every minute or every day. Sadly, not all of us get to practice genuine listening to what other people are trying to say.
You would find that a selfish guy will not be too willing to listen, even when you try your best to ask him to constructively. He never listens to what you have to say, from something as simple as sharing bits of your day with him to things that really bother you in your personal life or in the relationship.
He would either be a passive listener or give pre-programmed comments that sound so robotic. It could also come in the form of providing unsolicited opinions instead of trying to hear out what you were trying to say.
13. He dismisses you even when you still have something to say
This should be an obvious sign. Any person who cuts you off while you're still trying to say something is rude. If your boyfriend does this to you, then he's surely being selfish, especially if you never interrupt him when he's talking.
Related: My boyfriend is rude to me
If he doesn't feel the need to let you finish your statement, it can mean that he doesn't care about what you have to say. In a relationship based on respect, he will always let you finish your point, regardless of how ridiculous it may sound to the other person.
14. He never makes himself available when you need him the most
Girls shouldn't date guys who never make themselves available, especially when they are needed the most. One of the best signs that your boyfriend is selfish is if he has proven that he is never one call away.
15. He is quick to point out your faults
Every once in a while, you need other people to point out your mistakes, especially if you haven't been aware of them all along. It should be done in such a manner that would help you build a better version of yourself and not break your spirit.
Your guy never notices his mistakes but is always quick to point out yours. Mr. Perfect will always remind you of your faults, regardless of how long ago it was. He'll never admit that he made his fair share of mistakes as well and will always drive the conversation towards your wrong decisions.
Related: My boyfriend talks to me rudely
If you notice that your boyfriend always says to your face that you're wrong, even on the littlest of things, then he's one selfish trash. If you really love someone, you try your best to be constructive at criticizing them, more so if it's over something so simple and forgivable.
The point of being in a relationship is to grow together as it goes; it shouldn't be about keeping score of
16. He always guilt trips you with everything he's done for you
A selfish guy will always hold everything he's done for you– even the bare minimum– against you. This could be so frustrating, especially if he had developed a habit out of it whenever you'd ask him to go beyond his selfish self and do one simple, selfless act for you or the relationship.
Related: Signs of an insecure man
17. He's only nice when there's in it for him
Is he only willing to do something if he has a personal gain from it? You may think he's just being smart about things but look closely at how he chooses to do something. Is he mostly motivated to do something just because he's expecting something out of it?
You could say for yourself that he'll be doing something for you in the relationship if he gets something in return. If he never does something for free or out of goodwill, be it in small or big things, then expect that he'd also be a selfish crook in the relationship.
18. He only loves you when you're not acting up
You know you're a work in progress, and you can't help but act up sometimes on your bad days. A selfless man will never make you feel unwanted just because you're acting up.
He recognizes that this is an occasional phase that you have to find your way through yourself and that he should have the patience and understanding to stay with you through it all.
If he only loves you when you're not acting up, then it is a sign that you are dating a selfish guy, especially when you continue to show him you love him when he's the one acting up.
Related: How do i tell if he loves me
You know he only loves you when you're not acting up when he expects you to solve your personal problems on your own or to get back to him when you're done with the drama.
19. He expects you to depend on his plans
Having a certain amount of dependency in a relationship is healthy sometimes. You are preparing to be life partners after all, and depending on each other will be a regular part of your life together.
A selfish guy would always ask you to plan your plans around his plans. He would never be willing to compromise and would often demand that you should only be naturally doing it because you're in a relationship with him.
How to deal with selfish men
If you have a selfish man and don't know how to deal with him, here are three simple options.
Mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for what is to come
Seeing you'd be facing a challenging battle, you have to make sure that you are fit for the mission before you begin. The most important thing to prioritize is your mental and emotional preparedness before you deal with your selfish boyfriend.
Constantly work on it together little by little
Taking small steps is the best way to go, especially if you're trying to help someone change their selfish behavior. The key is to constantly practice the simple, selfless things and then build up from those small accomplishments.
You can begin from something as simple as practicing saying "thank you" whenever someone has done something nice for him or asking random thoughtful questions at any time of the day.
Find yourself a reliable support group to help you see your goal through
For sure, this task will drain all your energy sometimes, and it can be so challenging when you don't have anyone else who supports you in your goal. It is best to share your stresses with someone, maybe a friend or a close family member who understands what you're going through and whom you know would give the best advice on what to do when you're in a tight rope.
Can a selfish man love?
If you're quite a fan of fairy tales, then you'd give out a quick answer to that. And you're right, that is a possibility. Selfish men can still be capable of loving someone other than themselves. You can always choose to believe that no one's too far from salvation.
Some would say that to make a relationship work with a selfish man, they have to be a great giver who can tolerate his selfishness. Although, that doesn't really sound like the best match because eventually, they'll cause each other to run dry and get too frustrated to even care about the relationship.
Related: True love is when he ignores you
On the other hand, the practical opinion would argue that a selfish man can't truly love because they are not that willing to compromise with another person. But the best answer to that question would be a conditional statement.
A selfish man can eventually be capable of love if both he and his partner have the patience and understanding required to endure the selfish trait. A selfish man may take years before he can truly love someone other than himself, but it is not at all impossible.
Can you change a selfish boyfriend?
Such a complex question can't just simply be answered by a simple yes or no. There are a lot of things to consider before you can say that you are capable of helping someone overcome their selfish behavior.
You must first consider if you yourself are ready to change another person. What I mean by this is if "do you have the patience and the right mindset to see him through his change"?
Related: How to know he's the one
The second thing to consider is "would he be open to change?". Admit it or not, we can only do so much to help another person overcome their negative trait, let alone someone you're in a relationship with. All your efforts are futile if your selfish boyfriend isn't changeable.
Lastly, you have to consider, "would helping him change his selfish behaviors have a huge toll on you?" It is a good thing to try and help change other people for the better, but it can be scary sometimes how you can just drain yourself from doing so. You should take a step back if you feel like it's causing you more heartache and misery than how much it rewards you.
Selfish boyfriends can make you feel like you shouldn't be having a relationship with anyone. But all relationships are like that. Depending on the situation, a person can prove to be too difficult to handle and too selfish to be bothered.
While dating selfish men can entirely be at a higher level of difficulty, it isn't impossible to share a meaningful relationship with one if both of you see to it that you try your best to be better people in the relationship every day.
It all goes down to sharing open communication with each other, making room for improvements, and trusting that you are both thriving towards a common goal; to share a healthy and loving relationship.