Have you ever noticed your boyfriend checking out other girls when he is with you? If so, how did you feel? Did it make you feel jealous, a little insecure, or maybe a lot angry?
If it did, I wouldn't blame you. But this isn't really something special. All guys- and I mean ALL- look at other women sometimes. They can't help it. Their eyes are pulled towards beautiful women even when you're around.
"Why does my boyfriend look at other girls?" I'm sure you've asked yourself this question countless times. Perhaps it is because he finds her attractive. It could also be because of physical attraction or a certain chemical reaction. Or perhaps it's a bad habit he inherited from earlier when he was single.
But don't worry, it doesn't automatically mean that he no longer likes you!
Related: Why do guys stare at girls
Here are the top reasons why your boyfriend looks at other girls:
- He's Physically Attracted To Her
- It's A Chemical Reaction
- He's Interested In Her In A Purely Academic Way
- What The Look Doesn't Mean
- When It Becomes A Problem
- How Come I Didn't Notice His Wandering Eye Before?
- How To Deal With A Boyfriend That Often Looks At Other Girls
He's Physically Attracted To Her
One of the many reasons why he's looking is because he's attracted. This kind of sexual attraction is mostly involuntary to men. This means that just because he's attracted doesn't necessarily mean that he's emotionally attached to that other girl.
The truth is, they get turned on by strange and random women on a strictly physical level. There is no emotional connection or compatibility involved in this attraction. Men can be completely devoted to one woman and still get attracted on a physical level to other random girls. They just can't help it.
It's A Chemical Reaction
Whenever men see a beautiful or attractive woman, their brains release the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin, which give them an involuntary surge of pleasure. These hormones promote a happy mood and positive feelings. This just goes to show that his reaction is completely out of his control. In this case, I'm sure your boyfriend stares at you just as much.
He's Interested In Her In A Purely Academic Way
If he looks at this random girl who passed by your table on her way out, it means that he is interested in her, but only in a purely academic sense. He doesn't feel any urgency to date this other woman. While it's true that a part of him wants her or wonders what it would be like to be with her (in a physical way), the way he's thinking about it is innocent and harmless.
You're probably thinking that I sound completely contradictory. The truth is that he is interested. In an alternate reality where you guys don't hook up, and he remains single and unattached, he would definitely consider her as a sexual partner. It's essentially the same way you feel about Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth.
What The Look Doesn't Mean
Now that we have clarified why your boyfriend looks at other girls and what it means, let us also talk about what his look at other girls doesn't mean.
You're probably already thinking ahead about the following negative thoughts:
- That he thinks she's more beautiful than you are.
- That he isn't attracted to you anymore.
- That he is very unhappy with you and your relationship.
- That he isn't satisfied in your relationship.
- That you aren't attractive or sexy enough for him.
- That he is going to cheat on you.
- Or that your relationship is doomed.
If we take out our natural inclination for drama and set aside our insecurities and paranoia, we should be able to see very clearly that his look doesn't mean all these things.
Sure, he looked. He has eyes for that. He was admiring her beauty, the same way you admire a painting or a sculpture. It doesn't make his love for you any less. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all.
When It Becomes A Problem
When your boyfriend takes long stares at other girls
Not only is it hurtful, embarrassing, and offensive to you, it is also offensive to the girl he's staring at. In fact, if he doesn't take his eyes off of her, she might take offense and cry sexual harassment. Where will that leave you?
Related: Why am I the other woman
When your boyfriend says something inappropriate to the woman
Either directly or indirectly, it can also be considered a problem. Even if he meant it as a compliment, any kind of sexually inappropriate comment or joke could also be construed as harassment. It is not only disrespectful, but it is also offensive.
Related: My boyfriend is rude to me
When your boyfriend touches or flirts with the other girl
This leaves you feeling like an old toy that got thrown away for a newer and shinier version. It is also a problem. This means that he doesn't respect or love you enough to make you feel safe, secure, and loved in your relationship. He's cheating on you to your face. If this isn't a problem, I don't know what is.
Related: Signs that you are the other woman
How Come I Didn't Notice His Wandering Eye Before?
A man's curious eye is actually not an issue if the couple is still in their honeymoon phase. After about a year, once the magic wears off a little, then you'll see this behavior.
However, this doesn't mean that his passion for you is starting to wane and that he wants to find someone else or explore other options. Let's be clear- he hasn't lost interest in you.
In the early phases of a relationship, you literally become "high" on love, or more truthfully, high on the powerful and intoxicating chemical cocktail that our brains have concocted. This natural buzz drives all thoughts of other women from their minds. This reduces or eliminates the tendency for your man's eyes to wander.
Related: Signs that he loves the other woman
Another thing is because at the onset of our relationships, we tend to idealize our partners a lot. This includes letting slide all his behavior that you'd probably not want to let slide otherwise. You even overlook his more annoying habits and traits.
After a couple of years, though, the honeymoon phase comes to an end. Our brain shifts gears, and this affects how we respond to our partners. It also changes how we feel and act when we're together.
Your guy will probably go back to being a hunter once more. His eyes will become drawn again to every attractive woman who crosses his path. You, on the other hand, will notice these things about him in turn, even though you've been blissfully ignorant of it until now.
How To Deal With A Boyfriend That Often Looks At Other Girls
Try not to assume anything
Don't put meaning to his actions when there's none to be found. So what if he glanced at another woman? She was beautiful. Even you stared at her perfection. So remember that he loves you and cares for you. After all, out of everyone he could have had, he chose you.
Accept the fact that there are a lot of beautiful women in the world. This fact doesn't make you ugly. You are beautiful in your own way- it's just that you're not the only girl in the world he will find attractive. That's okay. That's realistic.
Communicate your feelings to him
Tell him how you feel. Just make sure you're not blaming him or accusing him of anything. You're only telling him how you feel. If his glances at other women bother you, let him know.
If your boyfriend loves you, he will probably agree about the boundaries. Just make sure you keep it healthy instead of toxic. Perhaps you can include in your list how he's not supposed to stare blatantly no matter how good-looking the woman is.
It's what guys do. This behavior is completely normal, just as it is for women. All human beings are attracted to beauty. If other females online are attractive and beautiful to him, he's probably going to want to see them.
Yes, this is completely normal behavior. However, what's normal for others may not be normal or acceptable to you. So if it bothers you, you should do something about it. Not something drastic. Perhaps you can try asking your boyfriend about it, or telling him how you feel in a non-threatening way.
If he's really just looking, there's nothing wrong with it. Men can't help this kind of behavior. He's not being disrespectful. He's just attracted to the other girl's physical beauty. However, if he starts to blatantly stare or leer, that's a different story.
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