Flirting is often seen as harmless and playful, but it can be an anxiety-inducing event for some. Why does flirting make some people uncomfortable? Let's explore why this happens and what you can do to feel more comfortable with the situation to enjoy yourself!
"I don't know why, but I always feel uncomfortable when people try to flirt with me. It's like my default reaction is to get creeped out or something. What could it be? Am I not attracted to the person who is flirting with me? Why do I feel so nervous and awkward? Why does flirting make me uncomfortable?"
Questions like these could be going through your mind, and you're not alone. For some, this is a natural reaction to nervousness or even fear of rejection.
Related: Why do I hate flirting
Common reasons why you can feel uncomfortable when flirting
- You are not ready for a relationship
- You feel uncomfortable rejecting someone
- You don't know how to react
- You're not attracted to the person flirting with you
- A traumatic event from childhood could make you feel uncomfortable when flirting
- You're asexual and don't have any interest in sex or being with someone romantically
- You are in denial about your sexuality
- The environment isn't safe
- The person is a stranger, and you don't feel safe
- You feel like the person is just trying to get something from you
- Others may not approve of your flirting
- You feel like the person is making fun of you or trying to embarrass you in front of others
- You're not looking for a relationship
- You have a fear of being sexually harassed
- You're not in a place where you can flirt
- You want to flirt with someone else
- You're shy and don't feel comfortable flirting when you know that others are watching
- You are afraid they will hurt your feelings, or you will hurt them
- The person flirting with you is married, which makes things complicated
What can you do to feel more comfortable when flirting?
Let's see what you can do about it in general.
- Be playful, don't take it too seriously. It's about having a good time
- Read my detailed guide on how to flirt with men
- Flirting is not just about the words but also body language and facial expressions. To boost your confidence, try flirting with random people in the street or in the market by making eye contact with them first. After a while, you can smile at them or say hi, and walk away.
- Practice flirting situations in the mirror and see how it feels. First, it might feel awkward and uncomfortable, but if you keep practicing, you'll get better.
- Try flirting with a friend as practice before trying to flirt with someone you're interested in. But be sure not to cross the line or make your friend uncomfortable.
- Flirting is not about finding a partner, but it's more about getting to know people or just playing around. So don't worry if the person doesn't seem interested.
- If someone is flirting with you and it makes you uncomfortable, just say "thanks for the compliment" or pretend to need something from your bag/phone and walk away.
How to avoid awkward flirting situations
Here are my best tips on what you can do to avoid those awkward flirting situations in a clever way!
First of all, make sure that you're wearing a non-revealing outfit. This will discourage guys from trying to flirt with you, and it'll also make you feel more confident in yourself!
Use headphones and avoid eye contact. This will make it harder for people to come up to you and start a conversation. If they still try to strike up a conversation and ask your name or what class you're taking, just give them one-word answers and then walk away as quickly as possible.
Always be prepared with a good excuse. Come up with something like "Oh, I need to go find my friends" or "I'm not feeling well, I think it's best if I'm leaving now." Or the all-time classic: "Sorry, I have a boyfriend". Although be prepared, some guys will still try to flirt with you, but at least it'll cut down on the time wasted.
If the person is persistent and wants them to stop bugging you, try asking, "Can I take your number?" Then, make sure to give a fake one and walk away.
If you're really struggling to come up with a good excuse, then just be blunt and say something like, "I'm not interested, can you please leave me alone?". Try to use a polite tone to avoid any conflict.
Related: How to answer unwanted flirty texts
Another good idea is to ask your friends to help you out by distracting the person and giving you a reason to leave. Or they can tell the person to leave you alone.
You can also avoid flirty situations by changing your route or sitting at a well-separated table in public places like cafes.
Remember that people don't realize that you're not interested in them a lot of the time because they are caught up in their own feelings or just can't tell by your body language.
If you are not ready for a relationship
When you are not ready for a relationship, you feel awkward because you don't know how to respond. You feel like you can't control the situation.
Here is what to do:
You will feel more confident and relaxed when you take control of the situation. You can prepare your response beforehand. Use a polite rejection like, "it's not that I don't find you attractive or anything, but I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."
Moving away with a silent smile is also an easy and effective way to politely decline the advances of someone who is not welcome!
You seem the key to feeling more comfortable when flirting is developing a coping system. You need to control those situations. You should answer honestly and act assertively.
Related: How to stop someone flirting with me
Remember, you are not obligated to flirt back, you can always just say no.
It's okay to feel awkward sometimes.
Be confident in yourself, have fun with it! It's what you make of it that counts. Know that you're beautiful and worth flirting with!
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