Many men will go in for certain qualities in a woman that involve them simply being more dominant; they want a woman who is submissive, less intelligent than him, less skilled at him at sports and games and what not, and generally more like a sidekick than an equal. Fortunately, for the women of the world, these “men” are not actually men: they are boys. Here are some other qualities that real, adult men value in women:
- Talking back. Talking to anyone, man or woman, who simply agrees with whatever you have to say, is boring. Contradiction is the best thing there is to jog an otherwise mundane conversation into action, and a heated debate, as long as both parties can behave like adults and keep a hold of themselves, is the best way to get to know someone better. But remember, talking back is not the same things as nagging – nobody, man or woman, likes a nag. By talking back, I mean in a way that is intelligent and self-motivated, not in a domestic, wet blanket sort of way.
- Taking the initiative. Unless the man in question has the mind of a baby, or a Neanderthal, and insists on being the one to take the first initiative, as some kind of silly sign of his manhood, then there is nothing, and I mean nothing, hotter than a woman taking the initiative. For intelligent men, being asked out by a woman is infinitely better than doing the asking yourself. If this seems counter intuitive to you, remind yourself that it is no longer 1950, and that we no longer live in the stone age where these kind of traditional gender roles must be strictly observed. Needless to say, making the first move in the other sense is even hotter.
- Being involved in something. If you are the kind of person who simply goes to school, or has a job, who watches this or that show, who has a cat, but besides that – who doesn’t really do anything or care about anything – that is incredibly boring. Being interested or passionate about something together is probably the only way to bond with another person, man or woman. Example: Let’s say Pete loves photography, and Tina doesn’t really know anything about photography or about anything else for that matter; Peter will find Tina boring, no matter how attractive she is. Now let’s say Gretchen comes along, who is a filmmaker, and lives for cinematography. Peter and Gretchen are going to hit it off – also if Gretchen swears a lot and can quote Bukowski that’s going to make her even hotter ( and, obviously, all of this stuff applies vice versa).
- Sincere and mutual interest. What’s the single most attractive thing in a woman? -Simple: attraction. The most attractive thing in the world, for anyone, is someone who is attracted to you. This may sound simple, but based on the way people think about this issue, the advice is well needed. Just do a quick search for articles with titles something like this one: you would think that “finding the right man” is the same thing as “finding the right employee”; you do your research, find the best qualities and attributes you are looking for, and then select the best candidate for the job. If you shop for a partner like you would for an employee, or for a sofa, you are going to end up with a douche-bag. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “like draws to like” – there is no need to get yourself all bent out of shape to establish a connection that will not happen on it’s own.
- Sexually uninhibited: All men care about is sex, right? So we’re finally getting to the only quality that really matters? -Wrong. As we said before, unless you want to date an emotionally and intellectually stunted man-boy, instead of a real live adult human being (in man form), then this is completely untrue. That doesn’t mean, however, that sex is unimportant. Of course it is important, for every adult, male or female. And there is no simple distinction between personality and sex, like a person is on the one hand a good listener, and then on the other hand good in bed. No; a person’s attitude towards sex is a part of their personality. If you don’t enjoy sex, or you are ashamed of your body, that is a part of who you are.
A quick glance at these points might beg a criticism: you are telling women to act more like men, to be aggressive and proactive and knowledgeable et cetera. But this criticism begs the very question: the traditional gender roles of “man-like-meat/sports/beer” and women are soft and passive et cetera, are ridiculous, and the only men or women that any man or women should actually want to date are aware of this. So, don’t worry about representing yourself with certain qualities that are supposedly guaranteed to land you “a man” (whatever that creature might be), just take a sheet from the book of Gretchen: do our own thing, live your life, and you are bound to come across a Pete.