Men can be fickle creatures and sometimes they’re after one thing and one thing only - sex. But sometimes a man wants not only sex but an intimate relationship with you. If this is the case he’s going to want to make love to you. I’m here to show you what signs to look out for so you know when the man in your life is looking to get you into the bedroom!
First of all, what’s the difference between a guy wanting sex and a guy wanting to make love?
There’s a distinct difference between a man wanting to make love with you and a man wanting to have sex with you.
If a guy wants to have sex with you then there are two possible scenarios that could be at play.
- The first scenario is that he does only want to use you for only his physical pleasure. If you’re into that too, give it a go!
- The second scenario is that he does have some sort of feelings for you but he’s not actually sure how much he likes you yet. He just knows he’s sexually attracted to you.
Now if a guy wants to make love with you, he’s in it for the real deal.
He has genuine and deep-rooted feelings for you as well as a sexual attraction. Wanting to make love to you means he’s after something more meaningful than just sex.
Related: Signs He Is Making Love To You
Below are some of the signs he’ll make if he wants to have sex with you followed by some of the signs he’ll make if he wants to make love to you. It’s important to understand the difference because it could save your heart from being broken!
Signs He Just Wants to Sleep with You
Let’s start with the signs he’ll make if he just wants to have sex with you.
How do I know if he just wants me for sex?
Guys are pretty obvious in their attraction to us girls so it’s safe to say it will be more than apparent if he wants sex. However, telling the difference between no-strings sex and lovemaking sex is a different story altogether.
If he’s just after sex with you, the signs will mainly look like the ones on the list below. He’ll tend to avoid the romance and be pretty straightforward with what he wants. If he’s not that into you, he definitely won’t pull out all the stops.
Don’t worry if you think he’s giving off some of these signs. They don’t necessarily mean all he wants is casual sex. He might be into you but just not know how much yet. All he knows for now is that he wants to have sex with you.
Now onto some of the signs you might see if he’s just looking for non-committal sex. While guys that want to make love to you might give some of these signs too, there are a few obvious differences.
1. He’ll constantly flirt with you and drop hints.
If a guy wants you, he’ll let you know. Usually, their first plan of attack is to relentlessly flirt with you and drop not-so-subtle hints that they’re attracted. While a guy looking to make love with you will obviously flirt with you too, his tactics will be more romantic.
Related: How to flirt with a guy
A no-strings guy will usually be pretty transparent with his flirting and focus predominantly on your appearance and the physical attraction between the two of you.
Typical comments you might hear include something along the lines of:
“You look absolutely gorgeous in that dress, “your body looks amazing”, “are you aware of how hot you are?”
Or something a little more specific to the two of you together such as:
“You know you want me”, “we’d make such a hot couple”, “are you as attracted to me as I am to you?”
Flirty comments and compliments from a no-strings guy will pretty much just be about your appearance and nothing deeper. They’ll be lighthearted and often played off as a joke in case you take offence or are put off.
When you're texting him and he's flirting and pushing the conversation into sexting, it's clear that he's more interested in sex than romance.
2. He’ll be focused on your appearance.
As previously stated, he’ll be focused on your appearance a lot and more often than anything else. This isn’t a surprise considering his attraction to you is predominantly or entirely physical.
If a guy is just after sex, you’ll catch him checking you out constantly. He’ll always compliment the way you look in a certain outfit, make comments about your body, and try to make you feel sexy.
Having all of the focus on your appearance or on the attraction between the two of you isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you’re looking for casual sex too. However, it is something you should look out for and be wary of if you’re after something more with him.
Again, this isn’t a bad thing! Everyone loves compliments and if a man is trying to make you feel good about yourself, it is usually a good sign. Just don’t get caught up in it and take notice if he’s only complimenting your body and physical appearance. That’s usually the first sign that he’s not into you romantically.
If he can’t or won’t hold a conversation about much else or isn’t trying to get to know you any deeper, you can be confident in the fact that he’s not the one.
3. He’ll plan date nights at home or try to take you home immediately after the date.
A guy that’s just after sex will try profusely to get you home alone with him in case he’s lucky enough for something to happen.
In doing so, he might try to make it so the two of you hang out at his place a lot and hang out alone together.
A no-strings guy will favor hanging out at his own place rather than yours because he’ll feel more comfortable and confident there. He might also try to make it so dates would just take place at home. This saves him having to go through the effort to plan a date and take you out just to take you home anyway.
Being at home also means it’s far easier for him to make a move on you. It’s just the two of you cozied up on the sofa, the bedrooms just in the other room...how could it not happen?
Remember that while everyone loves a stay at home date every now and then, it’s a bit of a red flag if he’s always trying to make it so the two of you are at a private place together. Not going out with you in public can be a massive red flag.
4. His bedroom and bed are always tidy and clean.
This one relates to the previous sign pretty well. Wanting to stay in all the time comes from the root desire to get you into bed. It’s the same sort of situation here.
A guy might think that if his bedroom is always clean while you’re over, there’s no reason not to ruffle those sheets! In his eyes, a tidy bedroom means there’s nothing to put you off of the idea of sex other than if you weren’t attracted to him.
A clean bedroom also means that he’s ready for sex whenever you decided you are. The bedroom is good to go as long as you are!
A tidied bedroom is also merely a precaution. God forbid you start to lay the moves onto him and he has to rush off to change his sheets before anything can get started!
5. He only invites you over when no one’s home.
If he only ever invites you over when no one’s home, it’s probably because he’s hoping some intimate times. It’s no coincidence that his family or roommates are out the only times you’ve been over. There’s not much chance of anything sexual going down if his roommate is sat on the other sofa or if his mum is in the next room, is there?
This also unfortunately might hint that he’s only interested in you for sex. Not having anyone he cares about at home avoids the complication of having to introduce the girl he’s not really into to them. Be wary of this but don’t jump to this conclusion too early on! Maybe he’s just not ready for the introductions yet.
6. He’s close and touchy.
He’ll constantly be trying to get close to you and will be touching you every chance he gets, whether brushing up against you or cozying up to you for a movie. Being so close to you will also hopefully make you realize that you like when the two of you are pushed up against each other like this.
Look out for his body language altogether. A man will talk with his body if he’s interested in you sexually.
7. He’ll try to have dirty kind of conversations with you.
This is one of the red flag signs to look out for. Not all of the signs on this list are bad ones - a guy can want sex with you and still be into you without wanting to make love to you.
However, this is the sort of sign he’ll give if he’s only after sex. Especially if it’s happening often.
Focusing the conversation on sex, your body, or the physical attraction between the two of you all the time definitely isn’t a good sign and means he doesn’t think about much else.
A man like this will want to talk about sex to see how easy you are and what sort of stuff you’re into. He might outright ask about your sexual experience (rather than life experience) or play it a bit more subtle with sexual jokes and lighthearted sexual conversation such as talking about lingerie.
Signs He Wants to Make Love to You
Now onto some of the signs he’ll make if he wants to make love to you.
What does it mean if he wants to make love to me?
Related: Signs He Loves Me
If a guy wants to make love to you, he’s interested in more than just your body. The two of you must have some kind of serious connection because if he wants to make love to you rather than just have sex with you, he must care about you a lot. He thinks about you all the time. Also, when making love, he will truly care about your pleasure.
Here are a few telltale signs that can help you know the difference because if a guy is doing most of these, he wants way more than just casual sex.
1. He’ll go out of his way to spend time with you.
A guy that’s massively into you and wants to make love with you doesn’t only want to make love with you. He has genuine feelings for you and his attraction isn’t only skin deep.
This means he’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible, no matter what you’re doing. He’ll want to take you out or just hang out with you. It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re together.
Spending one-on-one time with you won’t just be a feeble attempt to get you into the bedroom either. At the end of the day, he wants you to fall for him as much as he’s fallen for you. Making you feel good and appreciated before the two of you make love will ensure it’s more special than a random hookup.
2. He’ll be jealous of other guys around you.
If a guy wants to make love to you, he’ll be jealous of other guys that are attracted to you because he’s emotionally interested in you as well. He’ll feel slightly possessive of you and may see other guys as a threat to what the two of you have.
Being jealous isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it’s not great either. If he’s occasionally jealous it’s cute and you should reassure him that there’s nothing to worry about. If he’s jealous a lot, it’s a sign of toxic behavior and probably something you don’t really want to be involved in the long term.
3. He’ll compliment you a lot instead of just flirting.
If a man wants to make love to you, he’ll shower you with compliments daily so you know how attracted he is to you. He won’t just focus on flirty comments or sexual references.
He’ll want you to feel confident in your own skin and will want you to know not only how attracted he is to you but how gorgeous you actually are. You believing that yourself is just as important as knowing he thinks it.
4. You’ll always catch him looking at you.
This is different from when a no-strings guy just checks you out.
He’ll look at you longingly and while he will check you out, it will be more than just fleeting physical attraction. He won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you ever, no matter whether you’re dressed up or not.
If a guy just wants sex with you, he’ll want you to feel sexy to get you in the mood. But if a guy wants to make love to you, he’ll want you to feel beautiful as well as sexy and he’ll want you to feel like it always rather than just when he’s in the mood.
5. He’ll go through the effort to plan romantic dates instead of just inviting you over.
If a man wants to make love to you, it means he has a deeper and genuine connection with you. His feelings for you are real and he’ll want you to fall as hard for him as he has for you.
This means he’ll want to take you out and spoil you so you know how interested he is. Instead of just wanting to have you over so he can have his way with you, he’ll work for it to show you he’s serious.
Spoiling you and treating you to romantic things will be the build-up to lovemaking because he’ll want you to feel appreciated and spoiled rather than just used.
6. He’s not in a rush and doesn’t mind taking it slowly.
This is the key difference between a lovemaking guy and a no-strings guy. While a no-strings guy will always be touching you inappropriately ready to initiate something, a guy that wants to make love to you will try and take things a little bit slower. This leaves most of the decision making up to you so that when you’re ready, the two of you can be together and it won’t have been forced.
This doesn’t mean he won’t struggle to keep his hands off of you but he’ll try to reel it in a little bit more than a no-strings guy would.
Related: How do I know if a guy likes me?
What making love means to a man
For a man, making love essentially creates a strong connection with his significant other and reinforces compassion, trust, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the most encouraging aspect of the man's relationship.
While a woman prefers an emotional bond before making love, for men, a sexual connection is particularly needed to feel safe enough opening up.
Read the guy for signs specific to your own situation before making any hasty decisions.
Just remember that every man will behave differently and that this is just based on general experience. Guys are all different and some will act a certain way while some will act another. These are just some of the experiences I’ve had with guys depending on whether they were actually interested in me or just after sex.
If you’re feeling hesitant and don’t feel like you can read the situation properly, don’t be afraid to communicate. There’s no harm in finding out what you want from each other. Good luck with your man and keep in mind that if he wants you permanently, he’ll show you. You’re worth the chase!
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Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. She is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you’re single or already in a relationship.